16/23 My uncle Geoff got high and killed his best friend, but since my grandpa was the police chief he only got a slap on the wrist.
17/23 When I was a kid my family had to cover our floor in salt, or we'd wake up every morning and our entire floor would be covered in slugs. Not just a few, it looked like we had a slimy black carpet. It was like something from a horror movie. We all thought that the slugs were getting into our house through the faucet in the bathtub, but it turns out my demented grandma was stealing them from my neighbors slug hive. So in 1997 there was a slug shortage in North Houston caused by my grandma.
18/23 My cousin ate my grandpa. She was a toddler and we were all spreading his ashes across the family farm. When it got to her she did what toddlers do and grabbed a handful and just started chomping down.
19/23 My grandfather beat a man to death with a kitchen chair. This happened back in the early 1950s, and the man was my grandmother's lover.
20/23 My mother and I are pretty much convinced that my grandfather sired a child with his girlfriend while stationed in Europe in World War II. He didn't talk about the war very much, but we did know that he had a girlfriend for a long time while he was over there. They were apparently head-over-heels in love, and he was supposed to send for her when he got back to the states. He never did.
Dickish as that may be, and as heartbroken as we can assume she was, we never really thought too much of it - this sort of thing must have been fairly common. After he died, we sorted through all of his old photos, and found of a woman. According to the note he'd written on the back, it was his girlfriend. In the picture, she's pointing at a fairly ample belly, beaming.
We don't know with 100% certainty, but we're fairly sure that she was pregnant at the time the photo was taken, and very open about it. Makes me wonder why my grandfather never sent for her, and what cousins I may have wandering around Europe right now.
21/23 My mom is not my mom. My real mom apparently died of an overdose when I was 6 weeks old and I was found by someone coming to collect money from her, his girlfriend got mad at him for taking a child. I don't know all the details of how my "mom" ended up with me but she went back to Arizona a year later and told everyone in her family she got pregnant while traveling with her band and doesn't know who the dad is.
22/23 My aunt caught her husband having sex with his mother in the bathtub after she came home from work. Needless to say, immediate divorce.
23/23 My father exploited the deepweb for money. He bought and sold illegal drugs, was suspected of trafficking/using extreme porn sites (children, rape/torture, animals), and was convicted of operating traffic on a website that sold unsuspecting womens' identities and personal information.
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