There's nothing quite like a good joke to brighten your day. Nothing except a bad joke that is so bad it does the same thing. Get ready to laugh and then be in disbelief that you laughed at something so stupid. Then laugh at how you laughed, then laugh at how you're laughing at how you laughed and so on.
1/30. A man goes to join an order of monks.
The head Monk says to the man "This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once, every 15 years."
The man says "Ok" and so begins his time with the silent order.
15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the head monk approaches and says to the man "It has been fifteen years. What would you like to say brother?".
The man responds, "The porridge could do with a little more sugar." The head monk nods in acknowledgement and walks away.
Another 15 years pass and the head monk finds the man in the dormitory and says "Brother, it has been another 15 years. What is it that you wish to say?".
"The bed sheets are a bit thin." Replies the man. Again the head monk nods in acknowledgement.
Yet another 15 years pass and the head monk sees the man and asks "15 years have passed. Have you anything to say?".
"Well actually I've been thinking about it and I'm leaving the order. It's not really for me." says the man.
"Yes, yes" sighs the head monk "I think that's for the best. You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
2/30. And so the Lord said unto John, "Come forth; and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
3/30. Did you know cats can jump higher than a house? This is largely due to the cats powerful hind legs and the fact houses cant jump.
4/30. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible!
5/30. I come from a mixed race family.
My Mum did 800m, and my Dad's Indian.