People on Reddit who are adopted and tracked down their real parents were asked: "Wow did it play out? Satisfying? Disappointing?" These are some of the best answers.
1/20 I reached out six months after my 18th birthday (about 10 years ago). Birth mother responded with a serious nasty gram saying that I was the biggest mistake of her life and that she wished I had died.
My adoptive parents (birth mother gave me up at birth and I was in foster care for a year) are the most wonderful people on the planet. I knew from about age 8 I was adopted; they never hid it from me but they allowed me to ask questions instead of laying it all on me at once. It wasn't obvious I was adopted (I'm the same race as my adoptive parents and I kinda look like them). They have been supportive in my search as I'm just trying to find non-identifying information about my biological parents, but if my bio - siblings wanted contact, I'd be okay with it.
2/20 I was put into foster care at the age of 15, and though I haven't been legally adopted I still live with my foster family. I aged out of the system and didn't see my biological mom since I was around 16. I'm 19 now and just last Sunday was the first time I talked to her. Some back story, my mother was abusive and addicted to meth. I have two younger brothers which I raised (now 9 and 6). I was the one who called the cops for domestic violence and worked so hard to get a better life for my family. My biological mother later decide that she would sober up a bit to get the boys back, and I didn't go back home. Since the court date giving her back the rights to my brothers I hadn't seen or talked to her. I recently decided it was time, and I met up with her.
She didn't know I was coming, it was after a visit with my brothers. She hugged me and began to cry. Honestly at first I thought I was going to be angry and yell at her, but our talk was really calm. She said she felt that he had been a good mother to me. I told her I felt the opposite and that no loving mother would do what she did to her kids. I told her how I hated her, that I didn't see her as my mother, and that even though she haunts me I pray she will sober up to be a good mother for my brothers. It was maybe a 20 minute talk but damn did it feel good. I don't NEED to talk to her again. The weight and grief from what I went through has lightened and I can move on. So, yes, I think that talking to biological parents can be a good thing, but only if you're ready.
3/20 I answered the phone one day and heard a stranger say my name. Honestly it was weird to me at the time and by the end of the conversation I didn't know what to think. I eventually met up with my biological mother, father, grandmother and numerous half siblings but it felt like I was just meeting some strangers. I heard her side of the story and my father's (they weren't together). I saw them once or twice more but I came to realize that my adoptive parents were my true parents who loved me more than life itself and I haven't really spoken to my biological family since then. Sure it gave me some closure I suppose. Would I have sought them out? Probably not. My half brother whom I was adopted with and grew up with has maintained a slightly better relationship with them but for me, just meeting them was enough.
I love my REAL parents who sheltered me and loved me and provided for me and guided me to shape me into the man I am today, but for my biological family I just feel like maybe they're some neighbors or a family friend.. It's nice to know your medical history and maybe some sort of ancestral history and the reasoning behind the adoption but I wouldn't trade my mom and dad for anything. It will be different for everybody. I suggest you go ahead and meet at least once and decide what to do from there. It can be disappointing but will provide the closure you don't even realize you need. What you choose to do afterwards is up to you.
4/20 It was not quite what I expected. It turns out my bmother died about 20 years ago and that the man I think was my bfather died earlier this year. I did get a chance to meet some of the extended bfamily and heard the story behind my being put up for adoption. I am not sure I really wanted to know the story. The whole this was a bit depressing but I did get to meet my half-sister and we talk all the time.
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