People on Reddit were asked: "What's your worst 'bathroom emergency' story?" These are some of the best answers.
A while passes and I can't seem to throw up, but I have the urge to sneeze now. I sit a little while longer and finally I sneezed.
But as I did this. My sphincter erupted with the world's soupiest [poop] ever. It sifted through my boxers and ran down my leg. I then threw up into the toilet I was leaning over and in a matter of 60 seconds I had vacated some sort of matter from the majority of my orifices. I was so sick feeling at this point I couldn't move and just laid there for a few minutes. I then took a shower and went back to bed to deal with it in the morning.
I woke up the next afternoon, after almost 11 hours of sleep (a lot for me since I usually only get 6ish) Walked to the bathroom to clean it up, and somehow it was as if it had never happened. The bathroom was spotless and the only thing different was the missing [poop] covered rug and my boxers. No one mentioned it, and to this day I am not sure who actually cleaned it up.
2. Years ago I was living and interning in India for a summer and would usually take train trips to different cities over the weekends. One weekend I was on an overnight train and was stricken with a terrible case of food poisoning half way to my destination.
I made my way to the bathroom (squat toilet) on a moving train and proceeded to have explosive diarrhea while simultaneously vomiting all over the place. [Crapping] and barfing hovering over a squat toilet on a moving train with many hours to your destination really makes you take inventory of your situation.
I have never experienced that level of bathroom related drama in my life. It was the perfect storm.
3. If you don't know anything about menses, let me preface this by stating that the first day of the cycle is often the worse, and most girls get [diarrhea] while on their period.
About two and a half years ago, I had just spent the night at my boyfriend's apartment. I'm sleeping soundly in his arms when my stomach rumbles so loudly that it wakes me up. I feel the familiar pain of period cramps, but they're nearly 10 days early, so I dismiss it as a side effect of my boyfriend's sizeable penis. He's still sleeping pretty soundly and we're in the spooning position; I don't want to wake him by moving, so I lay there for a while while my abdomen cramps. I have to fart and decide that I can get away with it...
My brand new boyfriend wakes up to the sensation of something warm and wet on his [penis]. The smell doesn't hit us until he lifts up the covers to investigate... it is a delightful mixture of poo and pennies. Apparently I covered his junk in a light spattering of both [poop] and period blood. I am on the side of the bed against the wall; he gets up so I can run to the bathroom. I sit up and the blood just pours out of me. On the mattress, the sheets... it's just everywhere...
We sprint to the bathroom together and he starts the shower while I destroy his toilet. I have never, ever [pooped] in front of someone before. I'm traumatized, just crying and pooping and pouring blood all at the same time. By the time I flushed the toilet, I've decided that I can never see him again.
And my boyfriend just laughs. Then comforts me, kisses me, tells me "[crap] happens," then has sex with me in the shower. Needless to say, I married him.
4. I was a 15 year old exchange student in Thailand. After a week of eating the local food without allowing my body to adjust from its natural Canadian habitat I found my self to be relatively constipated. One day I was travelling through a remote Thai village when I got a sudden urge to empty my bowels. Understandable considering I hadn't [pooped] in a week.
I asked a local to point me to a bathroom, and after a few minutes of and waddling I found the entrance to a Thai-style bathroom.
Now anyone who has ever used a Thai Toilet will realize that it can be very intimidating if never seen before. I, coming from a western country, had NO idea how to use this, and if I could have waited until I reached a western style excrement removing device,, I would have. Alas, the urge was too strong, and I commenced squatting.
I proceeded to unleash a hurricane of spicy-diarrhea stew into the dry toilet. A solid-liquid spray lasting for 15 or more seconds. After substantially loading up the toilet, I breathed a sigh of relief and looked around for toilet paper.
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