But then there was this jerk kid in my grade who dressed up as Superman. See, I've NEVER been a very popular kid, and I don't know why, but this Superman kid just never liked me at all.
I was minding my own business, playing with some blocks or some shit, when he strolls by with his running crew, and he's all like "Hey, you think Batman is better than Superman?"
Obviously I knew this fact to be true, because... it's Batman, and I'm sorry to all Superman fans out there, but Batman craps all over that guy. Anyway, I was feeling rather courageous in my Batman costume, and I knew Batman wouldn't take any smack talk from Superman, so I said back to the kid, "Yeah, I do."
If I were actually Batman, I think the kid would have backed down, but I'm pretty sure he knew the muscles on my costume were fake.
Because what ensued was a swift kick right into my berries. I fell down onto the floor, crying my ass off, because if I remember correctly, he kicked them hard. Really hard. The kids all pointed and laughed, yada yada yada, this is why I drink.
6/25. In high school everyone would wear costumes to school on halloween. I decided to go with the classic sheet-on-the-head-with-holes-cut-out-of-it ghost costume. I got sent to the office because everyone thought I was a klansman.
7/25. I was in the eighth grade, so I'm about almost 14, and I dress up as a fairy for Halloween. Homemade yellow tutu, tights, wand, and a crown. Very cute. So first thing's first, I have a cold. Like, the kind of cold where you can't go 5 minutes without a tissue and you can't taste anything for 2 weeks.
My day got worse from there. (continued...)