20. It's all connected.
I have learned just how often we find ourselves in relationships which are designed to resolve our childhood wounds.
I am a relationship therapist and always take one full session with a couple to look at their whole family of origin. Very often by the end of that session, the couple themselves are explaining to me (in some way) how they are recreating childhood issues to attempt to resolve them as adults. It's crazy common!
21. This is huge.
I'm a social worker and the number one thing I've learned is you can't change anyone. You can't even influence or gently nudge them into changing. They have to want to change 100% on their own. People are the most stubborn things on the planet. I would feel more confident getting a cat to change its behavior.
22. Gotta go back to go forward.
It gets worse before it gets better. Always.
Very few people recognize they have any responsibility in any giver situation, even fewer recognize what this responsibility is.
Almost every problem people have can be boiled down to a combination of lack of self-knowledge, lack of self-control, and lack of disposition to accept the ill effects of getting your life together.
We are taught to value "freedom" over our own well-being, and the result is a world where everyone, no exceptions, is far less autonomous than they think they are. We are slaves of what the world wants of us, but the same world teaches us to think we are "free", and every single one of us will destroy ourselves before admitting we need help.
People seek therapy looking for excuses not to change, or for someone to tell them the answers. Our job is helping them to help themselves, and the hardest part is generally to convince them that they do need to change and that they need to make their own choices.
Almost everything you call "mental disease" are, in fact, symptoms. OCD, PTSD, depression, anxiety, you choose. All of these are consequences. The causes are deep and complicated systems of behavioral patterns that need to be studied down to their functions.
The WHY and the HOW are much, much more important than the WHAT.