5/23 I was in Vegas (my friend had way too much money at the time and paid for the vacation) and I was completely allergic to the sofa-bed (turns out some fancy couches are stuffed with feathers). So I gathered up the comforter and went out on the balcony (the railing was a piece of glass) and fell asleep 27 stories up. When I woke up, I had managed to curl up next to the glass and was staring straight down at the pool. Nothing like waking up and thinking you're in mid-fall.
6/23 Drug addict broke into my house, awoke to him standing over me with a knife in hand. Yup, that was a bad morning.
7/23 My grandpa's [penis] and nutsack hanging out of his aging briefs as he woke me up to hand me the telephone.
8/23 I got sick one day at my GF's house. She took care of me all night as I puked in her toilet. In the morning, she comes into her room (she gave me the bed) with some lottery tickets to cheer me up. I'm sitting there, feeling much better, scratching away when I suddenly farted. Except it wasn't a fart, but a post-sick, mini [poop]. On her bed. It was runny. So I puke all night on this poor girl and [pooped] in her bed the next morning when she brings me some scratch tickets and all she did was laugh and toss the stuff in the laundry.
I married her.
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