9/23 Yesterday I woke up and as I went to get ready for my morning jerk session I realized there was a lovely tick that had burrowed itself right under the head of my penis. The realization and removal of this horny parasite was probably the most uncomfortable and terrible experience I've woken up to.
10/23 I was dreaming about my best friend, him and I just hanging out. I then awoke to the realization that he wasn't there with me, that he had died a few months before. I felt so sick from being brought back to reality.
11/23 Waking up at 3am to a screaming 2 year old, covered shoulders to ankles in diarrhea and vomit. Feels bad, man.
12/23 Christmas, probably about 10 years ago. My bed back then was raised so that a person could easily slide underneath without jarring the frame or making too much noise. Anyways, it's about 6:30 in the morning and I wake up to this light, repetitive tapping noise. It kind of seemed like it was coming from under the bed, so I swung my torso down while keeping my legs under the covers to check. I see a person knocking on the wood beams of the bed frame underneath my bed, and had a minor heart attack. Of course, the way I was positioned, my screaming and flailing only propelled me out of bed and I landed on my neck, looking under the bed.
To discover that it is my brother (who is 3 years older than me) trying to get me up so we could open our gifts. Why he thought that was the best way to do it is beyond me. To this day, I am still planning a retaliation for this.
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