Former Mexican President Vicente Fox made major headlines in the U.S. during last year’s campaign.
In response to then-candidate Trump’s insistence that Mexico would foot the bill for a southern border wall, Fox went on Fusion and said, in English, “I’m not going to pay for that [expletive] wall.”
He also tweeted out several inexplicable e-mails he received from the Trump campaign asking him for donations. (It’s completely illegal for American candidates to accept foreign contributions.)
Fox has repeatedly proven himself an elite Trump troll, and has pledged to serve as the 45th President’s Twitter nemesis until the latter leaves politics. But now he’s out-trolled even himself.
On September 7, Super Deluxe released a hilarious YouTube video in which Fox jokingly announces that he is running for President of the United States.
In this latest effort, el presidente dials the burn factor up to 11, referring to Trump as “last year’s rotting Halloween pumpkin,” mocking his love of vapid hat slogans, and generally slamming him for his poor performance in office.
Here are the funniest quotes from Fox’s fake campaign announcement.
1. "Now, I know a lot of you will say, 'How can you be president? You’re a Mexican!'"
Fox immediately answered his own question: “And to those people, I have three words: Donald [expletive] Trump. If that worn out baseball glove tightly gripping a turd can be president, then, amigos, anyone can.”
It's honestly pretty refreshing to hear the former president of a major country break out the f-bombs in order to knock Trump down a peg. No American politician has ever seemed capable of holding their own in a smack battle with Trump.
He gets away with everything because, unlike standard politicians, he simply refuses to acknowledge doing anything wrong. So it's delicious to see him savaged by someone equally outspoken and unapologetic.
And that little baseball glove haiku? Somewhere in America, the Colbert and John Oliver writers are getting drunk together wishing they'd thought of that.
2. "I promise to save the American taxpayers money by having a teeny, little inauguration."
Fox adds: “Bigger than Trump’s, of course, but still very, very small.”
A crowd size joke never goes amiss where Trump is concerned. Even when visiting areas devastated by Hurricane Harvey, he couldn't help but talk about how many flood victims flocked to see him.
For some reason, the size of things is really important to the man who lives in the giant golden penis building.
3. "Donald, you have the worst team since the team that was beaten by Air Bud..."
“…a basketball-playing golden retriever who has no hands, which are so, so necessary for the sport of basketball.”
Fox is referring to the Trump cabinet, which includes:
Rex Tillerson, the Secretary of State, who has no prior political or diplomatic experience; Ben Carson, the Housing Secretary, who was nominated after saying in public that he was unqualified for a cabinet post; Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, a billionaire Republican donor who campaigns against public schools; and Rick Perry, the Secretary of Energy, who had previously proposed abolishing the department that he now runs.
Forget Air Bud, these folks would be outmatched by MVP: Most Valuable Primate.
4. "Now, I was going to promise to undo all of Donald’s hateful legislation..."
“…but amigo, you haven’t passed a [expletive] thing. I’m not even president yet, and we have both passed the same amount of substantial legislation. I, a foreigner, who lives in another country, have passed zero. And you, the President of the United States, have also passed zero.”
This is funny, but strictly speaking, it's untrue; Trump has signed 53 bills into law thus far. What is true is that only two of these bills actually created new policy. The rest rolled back, expanded, or modified existing legislation.
President Trump has made no headway on his major campaign promises, such as repealing and replacing Obamacare.
5. “If they ever do a Mount Rushmore for [expletive] presidents…”
“…it will just be your bloated orange head four times. Yuck.”
Honestly, I think President Trump would go for that, just so he could see his face carved into a mountain.
6. And the band played on.
“Please vote for Vicente
to be presidente.
He cannot be any worse
than Donald Trump.
Because nobody’s worse
than Donald Trump…
Not even Joffrey,
and that [expletive] killed Ned Stark!”
At one point in the video, Fox brought out a full mariachi band to play his campaign anthem. Those are the lyrics. To be honest, the reference to Joffrey Baratheon from Game of Thrones does strike me as a little bit unfair.
We shouldn't speak ill of the dead, after all.
Now... Let's watch the video one more time, shall we?