10+ Funny #MarriedPeopleProblems Tweets That Married People Can Relate To
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes funny tweets about that marriage...
Txt from wife: where r u
Wife:can u feed cat
M: I mean garage
W:bring in laundry
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) March 16, 2015
My wife wanted two kittens but I am the man in this house so we got two kittens
— Justin Guarini (@JustinGuarini) January 17, 2015
Husband got excited thinking I was touching myself under the covers but I was actually just opening a Kit Kat I didn't wanna share.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 30, 2015
Him: You were supposed to do something about the groundhog under the deck.
Me: I did. I named him Lord Melbourne. He likes Cocoa Puffs.
— Annie Hatfield (@HatfieldAnne) July 8, 2015
My husband still talks about that one time he loaded the dishwasher correctly like it's going to get our kids into Harvard.
— momma unfiltered (@MommaUnfiltered) July 26, 2015
Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had 2 Kitkats fall out of a vending machine by mistake.
— Periw-IN-kle Jones (@peachesanscream) June 10, 2014
Sorry. I was late because I had to find all the things that were in plain sight for my husband.
— Housy Wife (@wife_housy) July 17, 2015
Relationship status: My wife asked me what I wanted for dinner and then told me I was wrong.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2016
The Mrs and I have been married so long she can finish my sentences.
She also starts most of them and supplies the middle parts too.
— I Was A Teenage Meh! (@TheAlexNevil) April 12, 2016
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife's is around $643.27. Apparently
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) July 19, 2013
My husband gets so mad when I introduce him as my first husband.
— fabulous af (@toujours_fab) November 28, 2012
Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.
— Annie Hatfield (@HatfieldAnne) June 3, 2015
My husband is home sick from work today and it's like having one thousand babies.
— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) December 15, 2014
I love when I leave work early to surprise my wife at home and she greets me with those three very special words... Were you fired??
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) March 26, 2015
Wife: Someone invented a laundry folding machine
Me: I already have one of those. It's called a w-
Wife: *death glare*
Me: It's called me
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2016
I told my husband I wanted a hedgehog and he said we don't need a hedgehog. Long story short, we're picking it up on Thursday.
— Yep,they're both me. (@3sunzzz) June 6, 2016
When a child whines and cries, you give it back to the mama, so...
*hands husband back to my mother-in-law*
— Marlebean (@Marlebean) August 21, 2015
Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying "keys" in case I thought they were llamas.
— Svenn Amish (@amishschool) August 21, 2014
When I awoke from the car accident in a full bodycast, my wife was right at my bedside to let me know that childbirth is still more painful.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) May 24, 2015
When my husband goes outside to investigate a strange noise, how long do I have to wait before un-pausing the show we were watching?
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 30, 2015
My husband called me at work because his boss wanted to know where he saw himself in 5 years and needed me to tell him
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) December 23, 2014
My husband's newly prescription eyeglasses don't work. He still can't see things my way. #MarriedPeopleIssues
— KBDUB (@kbdub724) January 27, 2016
[sitting at a table]
Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across.
Me: crosses out and writes new number
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 12, 2015
My wife is a total MILF!
*Mammal I've Learned to Fear
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) May 22, 2016
Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home.
— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) May 28, 2015
Know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved when first dating? After 20 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".
— Linda (@LindaInDisguise) May 11, 2013
MARRIED SEXTING: I'm not wearing any underwear...because you never put the laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 flipping times.
— Christie Johnson (@cjohnsonking5) September 19, 2015
My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) November 2, 2014
Before I got married I didn't even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) June 10, 2015
All I want is for you to love me and let me put my cold feet on you. #nosocks #marriedpeopleissues
— Erica Boland (@OtherBolandGirl) March 29, 2016
That moment when u think someone can't possibly annoy u any more than they already are, and then they do One. More. Thing. ??#married life
— MarriedPeopleIssues (@OnlyTheMarried) April 30, 2017
The kind of notes you need to leave in the shower because boys are stupid! #marriedpeopleproblems
The kind of notes you need to leave in the shower because boys are stupid! ?#marriedpeopleproblems pic.twitter.com/00uuAO2VsD
— Maryann Taylor (@maryanntheresa) August 28, 2017
Front door opens
Me: You're early
Hubby: No this is my usual home time
Me: *hides chocolate bar*#marriedpeopleproblems
— Elizabeth Redding (@Kilanath) October 30, 2017
Marriage is learning that there are 15 different types of "white", and every type is wrong for the cabinets. Also, I am a guy, that's my wife in my DP. #marriedpeopleproblems
— Joe (@b1gc0r9) August 2, 2017
Couples aftr few yrs f marriage, 'U say it best, when u say nothing at all.' #marriedpeople #marriage #shaadibarbadi #marriedpeopleproblems
— Shikha (@ShikhaReadster) June 20, 2017
Find that one person in this world that completes you and make them do your laundry.
— eric (@ericsshadow) February 2, 2017