11 Jokes That Are Surprisingly Deep. Smart People Will LOVE These!

These jokes are (relatively) clean, and pretty darn funny. And hey - they kinda make a serious point too!

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This piece is based on a Quora Question. Link on the last page.


1/11. A man is getting into the shower with his wife when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbor. Before she can say a word, Bob blurts out, "Ill give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.

After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 dollars and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob from next door," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

-Saurav Maheshwary

2/11. Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist:

While you guys were arguing about whether the glass of water was half full or half empty, I drank it.

Sincerely,

The Opportunist

-Alkesh Sinha

3/11. First-year students at Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them.

"In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and sucked his finger.

"Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. (continued...)


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The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them,

"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."

-Audin Bie

4/11. A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Enzo, has cheated him out of 10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf, that was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Enzo would hear nothing that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront Enzo about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks is that he embezzled from me."

The lawyer, using sign language, asks Enzo where the money is. Enzo signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The lawyer tells the Godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Enzo's temple and says, "Ask him again!"

The lawyer signs to Enzo, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him." Enzo signs back, "OK. You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Bruno's backyard in Woodbridge !"

The Godfather asks the lawyer, "What did he say?"

The lawyer replies, " He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

-Nick Risley

5/11. A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. (continued...)


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The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball."

Man - "That's nice."

Boy - "Want to buy it?"

Man - "No, thanks."

Boy - "My dad's outside."

Man - "OK, how much?"

Boy - "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - "Dark in here."

Man - "Yes, it is."

Boy - "I have a baseball glove."

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy - "$750"

Man - "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy - "$1,000"

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church, where the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."

The priest says, Oh no, not you again!

-Surya Abuja

6/11. A pastor, a doctor, and a politician were waiting one morning on the golf course for a particularly slow group of golfers ahead of them.

Politician: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!

Doctor: I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!

Pastor: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him. Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they? (continued...)


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George: Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.

The group was silent for a moment.

Pastor: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.

Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.

Politician: I don't get it. Why can't these jerks play at night?

-Ahmet Kasan

7/11. An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna.

The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, that it only took a little while. The American then asked why didn't he stay out longer and catch more fish. The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs.

The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, seor."

The American scoffed. "I am a Wharton MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats. Eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats.

"Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But seor, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "Fifteen or twenty years."

"But what then, seor?" (continued...)


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The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

"Millions, seor? Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

-Andrew Udell

8/11. A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dog along for company. One day the dog starts chasing butterflies and before long the dog discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.

The dog thinks, "Ok no! I'm in deep doodoo now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dog exclaims loudly, "Wow, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew", says the leopard. "That was close. That dog nearly had me."

-Saad Aslam Khan

9/11. A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch

"HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?" he shouted.

A majestic voice boomed through the gorge: "I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."

"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.

"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.

There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "IS THERE ANYONE ELSE UP THERE I COULD TALK TO?"

-Ahmet Kasan

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10/11. The Mayor of a small town in rural Wisconsin had a problem. The old draw bridge, which was the only way out of town, was in a state of disrepair and needed to be rebuilt.

So he called in three contractors to bid on the job: one from Cincinnati, one from New York, and one from Washington, D.C.

The Mayor met with the Cincinnati contractor first, and asked him: "How much to build the bridge?"

"$3 million," said the man from Cincinnati. "$1.5 for the supplies. $1.5 million for the labor."

Next, the Mayor met with the New York contractor, and asked him: "How much to build the bridge?"

"$6 million," said the New Yorker. "$3 for the supplies. $3 million for the labor."

Finally, the Mayor brought in the contractor from Washington D.C., and asked him: "How much to build the bridge?"

"$9 million," said the man from Washington.

"$9 million," the Mayor repeated, aghast. "That's three times more expensive than the lowest bid. How do you break that down?"

"Easy," said the Washingtonian. "$3 million for you. $3 million for me. And $3 million to hire the guy from Cincinnati."

-Robbie Woods

11/11. An MIT linguistics professor was lecturing his class the other day. In English, he said, a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."

-Sai Kishore K

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