12 Unnecessarily Sexual Ads For Totally Unsexy Things.
Sex sells everything from powerful cars to flavoured juice bottles. Its constant presence in advertising is a weird fact of life that we've all come to accept.
But there are a few products so inherently un-erotic that sexy advertising simply isn't an option. Or so we thought.
Find sources at the end of the article.
Liquid-Plumr has a product called Double Impact. So advertisers decided they'll create the innuendo-stuffed spot with a middle aged women, probably a home maker, who daydreams about two plumbers helping her unclog her toilet by, as the commercial says, "snaking her drain" and "flushing her pipe".
And it continues in the print form.
Can you imagine a hedgehog humping a dish-cleaning sponge?
Because this Spontex ad shows just that.
There are three ads in this series, each one giving a close insight into hedgehog's sex life.
The first one tells you, or rather shows you, that a hedgehog would only hump Spontex sponge and shows EXACTLY how he'd do it.
So he see's two sponges, humps the first sponge, doesn't feel great, so goes to hump the the second sponge (Spontex) and guess what? Best hedgehog CLIMAX ever.
Don't wan't to buy the sponge yet?
Well, maybe the second one will do it. The second one shows a human use the sponge to clean his dishes, pretty normal. But as soon as the sponge is kept back, we see an excited hedgehog approach it and make love with it, taking it doggy style in candle-lights, serving the primary purpose of the sponge.
The last one shows how loving and practical the hedgehog community is. Since hedgehogs can neither find Spontex in the wild, nor buy them at a convenient store, and, let's be honest, not every human house has it; when hedgehogs find it they obviously need to share. So they form a line and take a go at it one at a time.
Imagine no possessions, a brotherhood of hedgehogs.
Well these ads ran in France, and probably worked. No brand would extend an idea to three ads if it wasn't working.
In 2014, Spirit Airlines advertised a sale by shouting "We're shaving our fares so you'll go down on us."
Because everyone wants to go down if things are shaved. Right?
Notice the "1" shaved off, leaving that untanned patch behind.
Super sexy! - So you'll going down on them.
The main purpose of a diaper is to hold a newborn's poop together, right?
Well, it seems like that idea was perhaps lost on Huggies, who decided to brand their baby diapers as "sexy" in their 2010 advertisement campaign.
What a disaster.
Followed by a print series later.
Any parents, teachers or normal people here?
Sexy animals flaunting their sex appeal, and, in some cases, forcing themselves upon humans. Orangina promoted bestiality in their sexy edgy ads.
A giraffe lady sniffs an unwilling man's ass, chases him down, while he screams, and we see her carry him on her shoulder, giggling with her girlfriends, presumably to some sort of giraffe hideout, while police sirens wail in the background.
And it continues in print.
Sheba Cat Food's 2012 campaign dwelled on a similar bestiality idea, but took it one step closer to our everyday life - making not just any animal, but our own pet look sexy and wanting your immediate pants down attention.
In this commercial we see a guy fooling around with his girl when suddenly his cat's erotic look captures him and he can't help but follow her, leaving his girl behind.
What comes to your mind when you think of your iPod speakers? Music? Dance?
Fun? Well, what sort of fun is the question here.
"Blurred Lines" the 2013 commercial for beats pill speaker features blurred lines between and your lovable speakers and phallic. Because comparing your iPod speakers to a penis is really sexy.
As the commercial says,
"I know you want me."
Le Guide Restos Voir - a french restaurant chain from Qubec, took food porn to the next level in their new ad campaign to promote their 2014 restaurant guide.
Sparkling water is definitely the sexiest thing on Earth, specially when poured over the bosom of Dita Von Teese.
Then why waste water drinking it?
What just happened?
Seems like this energy drink just needed an excuse to have a model dancing in her underwear. Add another X to their name and the commercial might tie up better with the brand's message, or at least with its name -
Xyience Xenergy. X.
2012 Ad for Skechers Shape-Ups focuses solely on Kim Kardashian's world famous assets and says even though her current trainer, guy in the commercial, was definitely the best she ever had, she has made her mind to shift to Skechers Shape-Ups.
Skechers Shape-Ups are shoes, if you're still wondering what they are. However, there's almost nothing on how these shoes actually work.
Parrots Fertilizer, a Thai company, in this borderline NSFW ad use a group of hot girls in hot pants to perform an exotic dance and make the Earth get a boner - I mean, get a wood, I mean, get the crop to sprout.
Definitely a winner.
Wanna buy Huggies yet?
Quitting a job can be a liberating feeling, but it can also be scary as hell... especially if you don't have another job waiting for you on the horizon.
Thanks to Redditor BurningDruid13, we have some answers to the following question: "Have you ever quit a job, without another lined up, for your mental health? How did it turn out?"