13 People Who Didn’t Know How To Break Up With Their Partner Share What Married Life Is Like.
Marriage is a covenant, a conversation, a dance. But it's hard to tango when the foundation for the marriage is "I just couldn't say no".
Redditors who are now married because they didn't know how to break up with their significant other were asked: "How is that going for you?" These are some of the best answers.
1. Pretty good. Turns out we grew into the people each other needed, and are the happiest couple you've ever met in your entire life. I love her with all my heart, and couldn't imagine my life without her
2. I'm definitely that guy, even thought of it leading up the wedding like WHAT AM I DOING? ALL BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE THE BALLS TO BREAK UP WITH HER?
Then Bam. Pregnant on wedding night.
Now we have 2 kids, super happily married, and realized the reasons I wanted to break up with her were all really stupid, which makes sense, because generally I'm pretty stupid. She's the only person that can tolerate my personality full time, and keeps me from my constant natural inclinations to be a fuck up.
3. Not too bad. We have two kids now.
I mean, if I'm being honest, I don't really like anyone. But she's probably the only person I could spend the rest of my life with and not want to kill. Funny too because we actually share very few interests. We like vastly different music, television and movies. We have opposite personalities. She's an extrovert, I'm an introvert, etc.
I probably could have been happy being a lifelong bachelor but I just know I would have turned into a giant weirdo. My idiosyncrasies would have surely evolved into full-blown eccentricities by this point without her in my life.
4. My husband did this -- but I didn't find out until almost 20 years and two children later (when he told me we were getting a divorce and that he was deeply in love with a woman he met when I was pregnant with our oldest (who was, at that time, 16). I love my kids and wouldn't change that for the world, BUT if it were possible to do it again in some alternative timeline, I wish he'd have broken up with me.
It hurt more than I could have ever imagined to find out that my entire adult life was, in essence, based on a lie. It took a lot of work for me to be able to trust anyone again. My husband's love for me was something I had always thought of as part of the foundation of the life I'd built. To discover that foundation was false ripped my confidence to shreds. I started second guessing EVERY decision I made or had made in the past. I stopped trusting my own judgment about almost everything. I went from being a very intelligent, confident, independent person to...something far less.
We're both happier now, but I'll always wonder how things could have been better had he been willing to do the right thing back then instead of making a commitment he didn't really want simply because he didn't want to give up the fun stuff.
5. Two kids and divorced.
6. We've been married almost 19 years. I remember vividly having major regret about asking her to marry me when we were engaged. I could tell my mom was disappointed and concerned for me but she was too nice to say anything and didn't want to interfere. I loved her, still do, but wasn't "in love" with her in the way I once was.
Today we are mostly ok. We have kids and are in it for the long haul. Without a doubt, I am the man I am today because of her. In a good way. She's hard working and loving and a great mom. She can be a lot of fun. I've accepted the fact that I won't have that crazy in-love feeling.
If I had life to do over again I would not get married at 24. I probably wouldn't have kids. But only if I had no knowledge of how my life would have been. Obviously I love my kids and I love my wife. But once again, not really in-love or passionately. I am assuming lots of people feel the same way. Maybe not.
7. Pretty great, surprisingly. Turns out things get better when you stop the cycle of being assholes to each other for no reason.
8. Good. I never really wanted to break up, but i didn't think i knew what love was. She was my first girlfriend. We had fun. Maybe it should have ended when college ended, it felt like a natural ending. But she bawled that she loved me so much, we carried on, long distance.
Maybe i thought i'd never get anyone else? Maybe i loved her. I wasn't sure. Things just sort of happened. We moved in together and life went on. She started talking about marriage. I was terrified but went along. She started talking about kids. I was terrified but went along.
That was over 10 years ago. Married, 2 gorgeous kids, totally in love. We take couples holidays, we fill the walls with printed selfies and funny pics. We don't always have sex constantly. We don't always buy each other gifts. We don't stop telling each other that we saw a really hot girl/guy on the train today. Turns out love is just being happy around someone. Forgiving their faults. It won't always be the same as that first 6 months, and it doesn't have to be.
I'm totally in love. I think i was all along.
9. Poorly... We fight a lot and it affects me in so many aspects of my life (I see a lot of that in these comments). I find myself constantly looking back at our dating history and all the times I tried to break things off but she talked me out of it, including twice while we were engaged. It's just coming up to our first year but I'm thinking of divorce already (no kids in the picture). Sorry for the sad story, hopefully things are better next year!
10. I was dating my now wife, and I was a fucking mess. Drinking a lot, depressed, schlepping my way through life.
One night, I got arrested for being drunk and in the wrong place. My fault for being drunk. So, I spent the night in jail. I had hit bottom. My girlfriend spent the whole night looking for me, and I called her as soon as I was released.
She picked me up, gave me a hug and kiss, took me home, and put me to bed. Not a mean word, just kindness and compassion. Coming from a family where these words don't exist, I was astounded that people could act like this to someone who acted so stupidly. I woke up, and she took me to get ice cream, and told me that she would be there for me through the whole process (court date, fines etc). She stood by for the whole thing.
I got sober, went on antidepressants, and asked her to marry me. I have never been so happy in my life. We were married last week.
11. My wife and I almost certainly would have broken up if she hadn't become pregnant when we first started going out. She had severe issues with depression and was very manic, both up and down. When we first started seeing each other I thought it was a fling but then she got pregnant and we decided that we would have an abortion.
Once that decision was made I resolved that I would help her psychologically for as long as I was needed. Things got really bad for a while but over time she was able to defeat some of her demons, all from prior to the abortion, neither of us have ever regretted that, and we were married a few years ago.
Life is now great. The depression rears its head every now and then but we both recognize the symptoms and act to head it off before it descends to far. The stigma of mental health is the biggest issue as my wife still feels embarrassed and ashamed a lot and has very low self esteem but we work every day to be a unit and face these things together.
12. Divorced two years ago on Christmas Eve. Best gift I ever gave or received.
13. I actually feel bad saying this happened to me. In college she really had her shit together, and I was a drunken, perma-baked 20 year old animal. She studied all the time. I was a business major. We had a lot of fun, but I was unreliable, didn't want any responsibility to anyone, and she was very much the opposite. I don't feel bad about how I was, I was in college and that's the point, but it caused friction between us which I hated.
So I was at a crossroads. I wanted to be with her, but it felt like it wasn't working. An enabler she is not; it seemed like I constantly let her down. So I basically wasn't the person she needed at the time, as much as I loved the shit out of her.
This is pathetic, but I tried to break up with her. Like, I gave what I thought was the "we're done" speech, but didn't really have the balls to just come out and say "fuck this I don't want to be with you anymore."
We had a fight, I said wishy washy passive aggressive nonsense, and we ultimately proceeded with the relationship. I don't entirely remember, but it may have even come to her saying "so we are done?" and I couldn't bring myself to confirm.
We haven't had the easiest relationship ever, but it's one in which I feel like we've both grown a lot, though I concede it was mostly done by me. She is crazy mature, she has been the entire time I've known her. I CAN be, but I had to learn to be. She just seemed naturally like an impossibly good person. And she's pretty attractive, so I have absolutely no idea what she's seen in me all this time. We 100% still do not agree on everything, we are more complimentary to each other, if that makes any sense.
So yeah, we're really good, but we have our moments. Married seven years now. Beautiful house, beautiful baby girl was welcomed recently. For all of our faults, and there are many, the only constant is we're always there for each other. She is far and away my best friend. And god, that ass.
Though I'm sure, with a sarcastic smirk, she also thinks I'm an ass.
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There comes a time in our lives when we have to cut people out because of their toxic, negative, or destructive behavior. And there's no shame in doing it - tolerance and acceptance can only go so far, and there is always a last straw.
The785 asked: What was the incident that made you cut somebody close out of your life?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.