16 Patient People Share The Wildest Tales They've Heard From A Compulsive Liar.

Everyone exaggerates from time to time. Sometimes a story will just be bad if we don't do so.

But then there are the people who feel the need to completely make up interesting stories.

Here are some of those stories...

Many thanks to reddit user ErdapfelMann2 for posing this question. Check out more from the source at the end of the article!


1/16. I knew a guy who (among hundreds of other increasingly absurd lies) told me that he:

- Had sex for 24 hours straight.

- While working as a roofer (in 200 degree fahrenheit heat no less) once fell through the roof and landed on a girl's bed next to her.

- Took a sh*t so big that it came out of the toilet and he couldn't flush it so his German grandmother had to come into the room and cut it with scissors shouting "Shit devil! Shit Devil!" in German.

- Had sex with a girl on the dance floor of a club, snorting cocaine out of her ass.

- Abruptly ended a camping trip weekend with friends because he had to get to a fake doctor's appointment.

- Told us he couldn't feel pain on this same camping trip and picked up a rock that popped out of the campfire ring. He held it for a second. Turns out he could feel pain.

ThatGuyKaral

2/16. The Air Force let his dad keep his jet fighter when he retired and would drop him off at the school's secret landing strip. This was junior year of high school.

batmanthony

3/16. My roommate told me he filled a metal trash can with "10 pounds of weed" , lit it on fire, and then got high off of the smoke. I don't think he knew how impractical or absurdly expensive that would be, but he insisted that he did it.

innocentblackmale

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4/16. The guy I used to share a cubicle with was a compulsive liar. Just a few of his choice lies:

- In a college philosophy course, he asked the professor "How do I know if the blue I see is the blue you see?" Apparently, this "blew his mind", upsetting him so much that he retired early.

- He can bench press 1,000 pounds, and could do even more if he didn't have gout.

- He can "read" print with his fingertips, like Daredevil.

- He's so good at picking up women that he stopped doing it because it got boring.

- He used to be involved in a dog fighting ring, and his dog would never lose, because he taught it hypnosis.

captainmagictrousers


5/16. That he was 300 years old and used to be the king of my backyard.

We might have been 6 years old but I saw through your dirty lies Sam.

heartachetosing


6/16. I grew up in a pub and we had a lot of regulars, one guy in particular was consistently lying to the point I assumed he was just 70 odd and trying to wind people up. Eventually it became clear he was a just an almost pathological liar. People would tell stories about how even as a child he would claim to have a diesel powered train set at home when shown someone's electronic one.

The best lie he told me was the time he came into the pub after leaving a tab unpaid for a month or two saying he was going to pay it off on the weekend because he was about to come into some money. He'd just been digging in his garden and he found a small trove of old coins. He knew they were valuable by the dates on them and sent them to the British museum for valuation.

He said the finders fee on the oldest one alone could cover the debt 1000 times over. The oldest coin he found apparently had 150 BC written on it...

Kindern

7/16. Friend at school told everyone that he was in a band and they'd recorded a song, and asked if we wanted to hear it. He had the lyrics handwritten on a piece of paper and the recording (which him and his band, that we had somehow never heard about before, had apparently done at a big expensive studio in London) on his mp3 player.

He hands me an earphone and tells me to let him know what I think of it, and to be honest...

And plays She F*cking Hates Me by Puddle Of Mudd...

Seeyouyeah

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8/16. That he and his friend have a YouTube channel with 100k subscribers, but he forgot the name since he only does the recording and editing - his friend supposedly uploads the videos. Oh, and he forgot his friend's last name but his first name is definitely John.

daytdog

9/16. One guy tried to convince me once that he had a full blown Yu-Gi-Oh! playing arena with the hologram projections and everything.

King_Sparrow

10/16. In university there was a guy who told all sort of outrageous stories about all the 'chicks he banged' at the bar. All the girl's he would take home.

He was a decent guy outside of it, but his stories didn't actually make him sound good in any way. It was just weird.

But it went from just "took home this awesome blonde."

To "met this model and took her home."

To "took home two cheerleaders - yeah man, three way!"

To "man, I stepped it up, three chicks at the same time!"

But then, he told us, "You know 'Jane'?"

"Yes..."

"Well she was at the pool hall last night, and she saw me, and came over and wanted to have a game. She was pretty drunk and we got flirting and she actually bet me on a game. If I won she'd..."

Anyway, the thing is, I can't even remember how it went sadly, but it was MY STORY. It'd happened to me the weekend before, and somehow it basically ended up with me striking out, and it was also a funny story. So I tell my buddies because I finally have something worth sharing. And here is this a**hole telling the story back to me, and EXACTLY THE SAME, even with the way he struck out.

Thankfully our other friend called him out on it. "That was his story man, are you even trying anymore with the sh*t you make up?"

billbapapa

11/16. He created Spongebob. Despite it being three years old than him.

Yeah, that kid was really something...

NotAThrowaway23145

12/16. Hit by a bus five times and was born in Australia but never travelled in his life. We're in England.

coolcoconut123

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13/16. Not told directly to me, but to other people:

- that she has leukemia, therefore she's not able to get pregnant, then accusing someone of getting her pregnant.

- saying that her brother died, then posting a picture with him the next day.

She was probably the worst compulsive liar I've ever met. I mean if you're going to lie, at least make your stories consistent?

Iapetun

14/16. He told me he was the head of the Yakuza clan and they want him to go back to Cali to run it. He also told me he was raised by Buddhist Monks, and his Mom's a terrible person who hates him.

He's Cambodian. He has the patience of a six year old. And his mom used to give him a couple hundred every month when he roomed with one of my best friends. He honestly thinks we believe him.

brb_gottapoops

15/16. We were good friends for a while, and he always had a lot of stories to tell. Most of the time these stories would be a bit over the top. They were usually pretty obviously fake, but they were not completely unfeasible. Well, except for one.

See, apparently he was quite the psychological genius. In fact, he was so smart that he had created a complete map of how the human mind works. With this map, he was able to completely simulate a human personality, and so he could apply it to people and predict their every reaction to a situation.

Using that knowledge, he could create so called "master plans", which he'd use to get exactly what he wanted from anyone through a set of elaborate actions.

It's a pretty neat ability to have, but I'm not sure why he'd use it to make me think he's full of sh*t.

Kattou

16/16. There's this guy named Michael.

Michael is, as near as anyone can tell, a pathological liar. He's one of those fellows who has to trump everyone's story with one of his own, and somehow, he always winds up being an insanely attractive action hero in them. I've heard Michael talk about how he was "issued access" to a fighter jet at age seventeen, how he once saved the President from some plot or another, and how he had an impromptu threesome with some "very famous celebrity and her sister" in the Sacramento river.

Suffice to say, the guy isn't exactly believable... but perhaps his worst lie was one that took him the entire evening to tell.


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In the town where I grew up, there would be a weekly event called "The Chef's Market." Since there wasn't a whole lot else to do in the area, my friends and I would frequently spend our Friday evenings there, wasting what little money we had on slabs of barbecued meat and cups of too-sweet lemonade. On one such occasion, a local party coordinator had set up an inflatable stage of sorts, on which two contestants were encouraged to knock each other off low platforms using weapons that looked rather like enormous Q-tips. It seemed like a lot of fun, so I offered to pay for any of my friends who wanted to spar against me.

"Oh, I can't," Michael chimed in (before anyone else).

"It's okay," I said, "I'll pay for you, if you want." Truth be told, I was hoping he'd decline so that I could pay for one of my other friends to try it with me. Fortunately, that's exactly what happened.

Michael shook his head. "No, I'm very opposed to violence unless it's absolutely necessary."

"This isn't violence," another of my friends said. "It's just fun."

"You guys don't understand," protested Michael. "If I go in that ring with you, I will kill you. I won't have a choice."

A few eye-rolls were passed around the group. "Why is that, Michael?" someone asked.

"It's my training," he said. "Once I get into a combat state, I can't stop until I've killed someone."

Now, Michael was (clearly) not someone that we spent much time around by choice, and none of us were too keen on talking him into an activity that he was clearly afraid of trying. My other friends and I went a few rounds, knocked each other down a few times, and figured we'd head off to find a drink. As soon as we started walking, though, Michael started into the next leg of his story.


"Do you guys know why I have that training?" he asked.

"Because you're a ninja!" someone sarcastically replied.


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Michael nodded. "Yes. I was trained in Kung Fu from a very young age, and I got so good that my family got run out of the last town where we lived." Nobody said anything. We certainly didn't ask him to continue... but he did anyway. "They even hatched a plot to try and get me thrown in prison. This girl broke into my house one night and tried to seduce me... but I had a girlfriend, so I turned her away. That's when she went to the police and tried to say that I raped her."

"How terrible," someone muttered.

"Don't encourage him!" hissed someone else.

Michael's voice took on a very grave aspect. "Fortunately, I was friends with the owner of the hospital. He helped me after I accidentally killed my Karate teacher." Someone made a comment about the difference between Karate and Kung Fu, but Michael either didn't hear them or pressed onward anyway.

"He tested the girl himself, and he found semen in her vagina... but it wasn't mine... and it wasn't human." He waited for a reaction. When it didn't come, he escalated even further. "That started a rumor that I was a genetically engineered super-soldier, because of how powerful I am. We had to leave town for my parents' safety, because I couldn't always be there to protect them."

Once again, nobody said anything, save for a few murmurs of "Uh-huh." Thankfully, Michael seemed to have exhausted himself for the evening... until he asked one of us to pay for his dinner.

Nobody was surprised when he had a really insane reason for being broke.

RamsesThePigeon


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It's hard working in customer service, especially with irate customers. You need to be able to empathize and understand where your customers are coming from, show sympathy, and be willing to help them with their problem. However, if they come at you ranting and raving about an issue which clearly has nothing to do with you, well, then you're free to rant about them on the internet.

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