16 People Reveal The Dumbest Way They've Injured Themselves. This Is So Bad It's Good.
Reddit users came together to answer the question: What is the stupidest way you've ever hurt yourself?
Here are the top 16 best (er... worst?) answers.
1. I once dropped my fork. When I bent down to pick it up I cut my arm on the steak knife in my other hand. I cut myself so badly that I had a lovely nurse asking why I'd tried to kill myself, and she was determined to not take "I didn't" for an answer.
2. I burned myself making cereal.
Try to figure that one out.
3. Went to the doctor with a sprained ankle, tripped and fell in the exam room and sprained my wrist. The poor doctor just crossed his arms and looked down.
4. I drove a staple into my finger by opening a stapler up and squeezing it when I was about 8, so it went into the inside of my right middle finger (into the fleshy bit, easy enough to pull it back out, just hurt a lot)
Doesn't sound that stupid?
I did it again. Yesterday. I'm 26, and I'm in charge of people.
5. ER doctor here. I took care of a 5 year old girl recently. She had done a front flip at home landing on her face. Her parents heard a thud and came running. They found her standing up and smiling. They asked her what happened, and while proudly describing what she did, she reenacted the event, this time breaking her nose and suffering a cheek laceration requiring seven stitches.
6. Walked into a telephone booth attached to a wall cos I was looking at the twix I'd just bought.
7. 60% of my right hand is covered in scar tissue.
It has healed pretty well over the years - to the point where you probably wouldn't notice unless I pointed it out - but back when I first suffered my injury, the doctor told me that I might lose some mobility in my hand. If I'd managed to hurt myself while saving orphans from a burning ice cream shop or something equally heroic, I might be able to wave at people with pride. As it stands, though, my scars are the result of an undeniably stupid attempt at ridiculous science.
See, I'd heard this rumor that Splenda (the artificial sweetener) would burn with a purple flame when ignited. Being the brash twenty-something that I was, I decided that I was an adult, and therefore free to conduct ill-advised chemistry experiments in the confines of my tiny apartment. Unfortunately, I soon discovered that Splenda on its own did not seem to be particularly combustible... so I mixed it with a generous amount of rubbing alcohol, dumped the resulting mess onto a ceramic plate, and set the whole thing ablaze.
All of this, incidentally, took place atop a wooden desk in a carpeted room.
As could probably be expected, things got out of control pretty fast. I soon realized that I couldn't extinguish the flames via conventional means (like blowing on it really hard). Furthermore, I didn't have anything with which I could smother the conflagration... so my only option was to carefully pick up the plate and carry it to the kitchen sink. Despite my slow, measured steps, I still managed to stumble, splashing the back of my hand with liquid fire in the process. It hurt like hell, but I knew that if I flailed around at all, I'd likely set the entire apartment alight.
After what felt like an eternity (but was probably only about ten seconds), I finally made it to the sink. I dumped the plate, howled in pain, and asked my girlfriend to drive me to the hospital.
Worst of all, I didn't even notice if the flames were purple or not.
8. Put all my arms and legs inside my clothes at the breakfast table to ward off the cold. Fell out of the chair and broke my collar bone.
9. Stubbed toe on couch. Became so enraged, kicked couch several times, thus breaking the toe in question, which was only previously bruised.
10. I got three stitches when I caught my finger in the binding of an accident prevention plan.
11. I threw my back out after cutting loose with a very big fart. When I told the doctor he had to step out of the room to laugh at me.
12. I missed a high-five and hit myself in the balls. Twice.
13. Riding a shopping cart to return it after unloading groceries. Damn grocery store had cut rate carts so the front end tipped up and I biffed it in front of a group of senior citizens. This was last week and I'm 34.
14. I accidentally cut my hand whilst trying to re-enact the "blood brothers" scene in the hangover.
15. Slipped on a wet leaf, broke my arm.
16. I stood on a glass I had left on the floor to catch a spider. 7 stitches. The spider escaped.
Thanks to all the contributors!
It's hard working in customer service, especially with irate customers. You need to be able to empathize and understand where your customers are coming from, show sympathy, and be willing to help them with their problem. However, if they come at you ranting and raving about an issue which clearly has nothing to do with you, well, then you're free to rant about them on the internet.