17 Medical Professionals Share The Craziest Thing They've Ever Walked In On A Patient Doing.
"Can I come in?"
Doctors and nurses of Reddit were asked: "Despite knocking before entering a patient's room, what's the strangest thing you've walked in on a patient doing?" These are some of the best answers.
1/17 I was about to perform a colonoscopy and the patient was shoving M&Ms in his rectum, said he wanted to give me an Easter egg hunt.
2/17 L&D nurse. Walked in on a laboring patient squatted over the floor trying to poop. Right next to the bedside commode she had just been situated on. She said that it "felt more natural."
3/17 Labor and delivery unit; saw from the main monitor at the desk that one baby's heart rate had stopped tracing on the fetal monitor. It happens sometimes with position changes during labor, so we went in to go readjust. Patient is just sitting there cleaning the just born baby off with the sheets, looks at us like nothing is wrong. Didn't even ring her call bell.
4/17 An addict injecting her own feces into her IV line so she could justify staying in the hospital longer to con someone into giving her dilaudid.
5/17 I had a patient who kept pulling his IV line out because he said he couldn't "get up and move around" while attached to the IV pump. I told him he needed to use the call button to ask for help unplugging the pump, etc. if he needed to get up. I also sternly told him that, under NO circumstances, was he to pull the IV out of his arm again, he needed the fluids/medications, etc.
Well...a couple hours later I walked by his room and it looked like someone had been slaughtered in there! The bed was soaked with blood, blood was spattered on the walls and the furniture, and there were pools of blood on the floor leading to the bathroom. I went into the bathroom, and there he was...standing at the sink washing his face...with blood POURING out of the IV tubing that he broke so he could get up! I quickly tied the tubing to stop the bleeding and he seemed dumbfounded about what the big deal was...looking right at me and saying "You said not to pull the IV out of my arm, right??"
6/17 The only thing more awkward than walking in on a patient using their central line to inject heroin is having to listen to them try to convince you that they were not just using their central line to inject heroin.
7/17 A patient was in the middle of committing suicide by jumping from the fifth floor window. Several steel beams lay on the outside ground beneath. The patient had ripped out his catheter and had broken the first of two glass layers in the window when I found him. He was standing on a dinner table with cut up feet, I don't know how but I lifted him down from there as if he were a stubborn child. He had been operated upon for a subarachnoid hemorrhage and was confused.
8/17 Preterm labor patient with dilated cervix at 24 weeks having what can only be described as pornstar level aggressive vaginal intercourse.
9/17 Working in neuro/psych the strangest thing I have walked in on was a fully cognitive 18 year old male having sex with his biological mother. The sex was consensual and they both seemed to be enjoying themselves, however needless to say the mother was denied a private presence and given limited visiting hours after that.
10/17 No poles in the patient's room but that didn't stop them from getting a lap dance from a lady who was clearly not wearing the nurse's "outfit" because she worked there.
11/17 We once had a patient with borderline personality disorder in the ED. He pressed the nursing call button and positioned himself standing on the end of his bed, bent over, hospital gown pulled up, bare ass facing the door. When the nurse walked in and pulled aside the curtain, the patient let out a blast of diarrhea that splattered all over the poor, shocked nurse.
12/17 Child putting play doh in the Jackson Pratt right after having a liver transplant
13/17 2 teenage girls in a children's hospital for sickle cell were in the same room together and were discussing the nice things their pimp bought them. One girl had received a nice hand bag and the other one had received something less nice. They then, after more discussion of their pimps, realized they had the same pimp causing the girl who got worse things to try and steal the others hand bag saying that she deserved it more or something. This lead to them fighting and pulling out each others central lines. Bloody mess. But one of my favorite stories. Got to love Oakland.
14/17 Parents having sex on their hospital bed while their 15 yo child (the patient) is sleeping
15/17 I'm a hospital chaplain. I was sitting at the nurses station in the cardiac ICU and we kept hearing rhythmic thumping coming from one of the patient's rooms. When we entered we saw the patient sitting on the edge of his bed with his foley bag in his hand...it was still inserted. Upon asking what he was up to, he told us he was "fishing."
Then he tossed the foley catheter bag away from him across the room. When it hit the end of the tubing, it stopped and fell to the floor (noticeably jerking his penis underneath his gown), at which point he pulled it back in (like a fishing line) and proceeded to repeat. The nurse chuckled and asked how the fishing was. "Good" The nurse tells him to stop or he'll hurt himself. He doesn't really want to, but eventually we talk him into it.
After we get him back in bed, the nurse asks if he has any pain. The patient responds that he never felt better. As far as I know he didn't go back to his "fishing" though.
16/17 First internship in a geriatric ward. Me and a fellow student walk into a patient's room, who is screaming like crazy. He was known for having serious dementia. We open the door and my student-colleague gets a warm handful of shit thrown right in his face.
17/17 Worked Labor and Delivery one night. This younger (about 16-17) girl was in labor and had pregnancy induced hypertension. She was in the room with her boyfriend when we heard him scream. We ran in there to find her giving him a blow job, which isn't all that unusual in hospitals. But see here's the thing, if blood pressure gets high enough, people will have seizures. And when people have seizures, they tend to bite down very hard. We had to basically pry this girls mouth away from his penis.
Share with friends!
There comes a time in our lives when we have to cut people out because of their toxic, negative, or destructive behavior. And there's no shame in doing it - tolerance and acceptance can only go so far, and there is always a last straw.
The785 asked: What was the incident that made you cut somebody close out of your life?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.