18 People Share The Most Inappropriate Thing They've Ever Heard A Child Say.
People on Reddit were asked: "What's the most hilarious/inappropriate thing you've ever seen a child do?"
1/18 I work in daycare. One time we were coloring turkeys for Thanksgiving when one of the 4 year old children paused, looked up at me and said "This chicken is a bad motherf***cker." Then she went right back to coloring.
2/18 My sister once stuck her hand up my mom's shorts in a bakery and said very loudly, "Mommy, you're not wearing any underwear". My mom of course, embarrassed, laughed nervously and told her she was wrong. My sister was undeterred and kept insisting that she didn't have any on until we were forced to leave.
3/18 At thanksgiving dinner with whole extended family....
7-year old girl: "Aww, I missed it!"
Mother: "Missed what, honey?"
Girl: "The phone stopped vibrating. When it vibrates I like to hold it up to my privates."
All relatives: "_"
Girl: "Why is everyone looking at me? It feels good!"
4/18 I was at a mall and saw a very young little boy running around with his hand in his pants playing with himself. The mom comes yelling "Boy what are you doing?" the boy replies "Dad does this in front of the computer." Everyone watching stood in awkward silence...
5/18 We were at an Easter family party one year and my cousin brought his girlfriend. This lady was at least 24 and had HUGE bajingas with a really low-cut shirt. As soon as we get there, my brother spots her. He promptly runs over as fast as he can and climbs on her lap where he begins to just chatter away. Meanwhile, he's rubbing his hands all over her boobs and patting them. After about about fifteen minutes of this, he finally just lays his head on them and says "Lady, I like your tits." She was not pleased.
6/18 My 7 year old sister pointed at some lady at the grocery store, and my mom said "Honey, don't do that, it's not polite to point!" And then my sister made a fist and stuck her arm out at the lady instead, and said "It's okay mom, now I'm just fisting her!"
7/18 I babysat these two awesome kids, at the time 7 and 11. When their dad was away and their mom was out late I'd put them both to bed, first the younger boy then me and the girl would tidy up and watch TV or something, then she'd go to bed. One night after I'd put her brother down, the girl asks me if I know what gay men do for sex. I was kind of flustered by this, but I knew she'd already gotten the sex talk and their parents were super liberal, so I figured I might as well tell her the truth. I didn't get into details, just the basics. She thanked me and went to bed.
A week later, I'm there again and the boy wants to show me the drawing he's bringing into school tomorrow for his "Teach the Class" project. It's a huge sheet of bristol board with coloured pencil drawings of two male television show characters having anal and oral sex, and comparing dick sizes (that one had speech bubbles). I almost fucking choked. He informed me he'd been listening to my conversation with his sister.
I told his mom and she talked him out of bringing it to school. She found the whole thing fucking hilarious.
8/18 I was walking home from the bus-stop and saw the little (3-4 yr old) neighbor kid squatting in his yard but couldn't really tell what he was doing. So I shouted to him to ask. He responded, "I'm pooping out here, this way no one inside can smell it"
9/18 I have a movie night at work where all the kids have dinner and watch a movie. One of the 4 year old boys stood up as soon as the movie began, and said loud and proud in front of the whole group, "I have an announcement." I allowed the announcement: "I have a hole in my penis." I was very shocked and couldn't pull him away before he finished his sentence with "...and its bleeding."
I wasn't quite sure how to respond to that one.
10/18 When my son was 3, we were in the car with the realtor on the way to get the water in our new house turned on for the inspection. There was a lull in the conversation and all the sudden my son pipes up from the back of the car: "My penis is SO big right now!" and the realtor about drives off the road, he was laughing so hard. He had a 2 year old son so he knew all about it so it wasn't too awkward.
11/18 Several years ago I was standing in line at Thrifty drug store and I heard a scuffling behind me. I turned around and a kid about maybe 7 had come running down the aisle directly behind me and shuffled to a stop. I watched as he stood there stamping one of his feet on the ground, sort of shaking his leg around as he did it. Eventually a turd plopped out of the bottom of his pants leg (he was wearing blue jeans), and it was followed by a few smaller blobs of shit and a few brown drips. Lastly, he stood perfectly still and a rivulet of bright yellow streamed out the bottom of his one pant leg, just as neatly as if he had a tube running all the way down his leg. Immediately after this, he shook his leg a couple of times for good measure, turned on his heel and ran as fast as he could back down the aisle in the opposite direction.
I have yet to see anything this astounding in public since. And I've been to San Francisco.
12/18 I was taking a shit at a restaurant last week. As I was in mid poop I hear the door open. Few seconds later this little kid maybe 3 or 4 years old crawls under my stall and just stares at me. Was pretty weird.
13/18 4-year-old sister answers the phone:
Caller: "Hi Maddy is your mom home?"
Steve: "Yea Maddy is your mom home, I'd like to speak with her please."
Sister: "Fuck you Steve." Hangs up
14/18 I work with children as a martial arts instructor and I am constantly in awkward moments with children.
The worst was probably one class I was teaching, there were only a few kids, but all of their parents were there watching. I was sitting and talking to all of the kids and one of the girls jumps up and kisses me. In front of both of her parents. And all of the other kids. She was 5. I am 22. It was scary...
15/18 My sister went through a phase when she was about two where she would ask women at the grocery store or the bank if she could see their vagina. They usually politely said no, but it was in the South and so some of the more religious types would usually glare at my mom.
16/18 When my kid was 3 we were talking a walk and all of a sudden he starts pointing and yelling "Mum, mum, look!". I see a man in a wheelchair heading towards us. I already know he's going to say something inappropriate about the man being in a chair with wheels so I get my "Kid's say the darndest things" look ready on my face. As we start to pass the man sure enough my boys starts saying "Mum, mum" and then in his loudest voice he says "That man is really really fat!"
17/18 I coach the 3-7-year-olds for our summer swim team. This past summer, a 3-year-old girl jumped into the pool. When she surfaced, her face bore a pained expression. "What's wrong, Natalie?" I asked. Loud and proud, she cried "I HURT MY PENIS!"
18/18 So my boyfriend was turning 18 or something, and I decided it would be a totally brilliant idea to have a pizza party at Pizza Hut for him. I invited a few people, and my mom and eight-year-old brother were there. We get through dinner. We stand up and go to pay the bill. My brother for some reason loudly announces to the entire dining area, "Hey, I'll give you a blowjob for your birthday!" Fucking. Crickets -- for about five seconds anyway. My boyfriend was understandably horrified. He stammered for a second and say, "N-no, that's okay, dude..." very quietly, as my friends and I lost our shit. We had tears. My brother then got really belligerent about it. "I'm serious, I will! Why don't you want my blowjob?!" My mom quickly crammed some money into the cashier's hand, yanked her change back out, and then grabbed him by the arm and drug him outside, as he cried because his gift was rejected, still yelling, "Let me give you a blowjob!"
Share with friends and family!
There comes a time in our lives when we have to cut people out because of their toxic, negative, or destructive behavior. And there's no shame in doing it - tolerance and acceptance can only go so far, and there is always a last straw.
The785 asked: What was the incident that made you cut somebody close out of your life?
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.