19 Regretful People Share The Craziest Thing That Happened After A One Night Stand.
How does one maneuver the morning after a one-night stand. Sitcoms have been trying to figure this out for decades, and we still have no answer.
Here are nineteen of the craziest things to happen to people after a one-night stand.
Many thanks to Reddit user H_Junior for posing this question.
1/19. Nothing says good morning like a toddler tugging on the blankets saying "Mommy who is that in your bed?"
2/19. I wake up to him saying "Sh*t!! My dad wasn't supposed to come home so early" (I had just thought he lived with roommates).
He tells me to jump in his closet (I'm fully nude and my clothes are in the living room) I start to argue but he insists and so I get in there and hear them having small talk for almost an hour. I realize I really have to pee, and they just drag on and I'm dancing around. And then the guy I slept with left for work!!!!
And I can hear the dad making breakfast and just settling in. I panic, how am I gonna get my clothes.... F*ck my clothes, I'll use his clothes, so I take the stuff in the closet all I found were shirts. I ran for my life full speed through the house with sex hair and a long shirt to my car.
The dad yelled "what the damn hell! Who are you!!"
3/19. She was actually really cute and when she got up to leave I just said "lock the door behind you," because I was super hungover. Eventually I make my way out of bed and she had taken all of the food in my house along with my blender... Like how did you pull this off?!
4/19. We slept in her bed. Which was a cot in the kitchen (clue #1 to stop drinking so heavily).
She woke me up to introduce me to her 3 children (clue #2).
They were sleeping in the same bed because the youngest had shat the other bed during the night (clue #3).
The same bed she told me to hide in when there was a knock on the door at 8 am (turned out to be her sister, but still, clue #4).
She then introduced me to her pet lovebirds. She informed me she would be naming one of them after me (clue #5).
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As I am desperately trying to get out of there, she physically removes the stuffed animal from her youngest's arms to give to me to 'remember her by'.
I did not take the toy from the now-crying toddler.
If I hadn't needed a drink so badly after that debacle, I might have given sobriety a shot.
At one point, the eldest child gave me a picture he drew. It was sincerely heartwarming, and made me feel real conflicted.
Second, we shared a ride back to her place with one of her friends. During the cab ride, I discovered that her friend's son and I went to the same university.
Third, this happened on Christmas Eve. Somehow, in my drunken stupor the night before, I had given her my real cell phone number. After I left, she called me eight times that day, before noon. I didn't answer. Each message got progressively more aggressive.
5/19. Woke up with no memory of each other, then she began screaming about being late to her grandma's funeral. Dropped her off in a tiny dress not wearing shoes still drunk in front of her entire extended family.
6/19. Was at a local spot a few years back, met this girl who was pretty. Anyways, chill for a bit, head to her house, have sex and fall asleep. I woke up and noticed a book bag, etc, school books. Ask her what she's studying and she tells me she goes to the local high school. I die inside and leave.
I ran into her a few weeks later and it turns out she was messing with me because she needed me out of the house before her roommates got home.
7/19. Hooked up with someone at a festival, she lived near so she insisted we go back to her house. After an entire morning and almost afternoon of loud crazy sex for hours, I decided to go downstairs for a drink. Turns out she didn't live alone like she said.
But she lived with her two brothers. Both of whom looked like they had been on the juice. I casually had to continue my stroll to the fridge shirtless, then introduce myself. They both jump off the couch and try to punch me, asking who I was and where I was from.
She then came downstairs and introduced me, and then asked them to drive me home. Being the older sister they had to say yes....
8/19. She peed my whole bed with me in it.
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9/19. Hooked up with a cougar from the bar at which I worked. Woke up the next morning to sounds coming from the kitchen. She says it's her son. For some reason she also mentions he's starting a new job that day. I say a brief hello to him as I leave the house.
Guess who showed up at my work for training later that day.
It was the son that showed up. I had to train him.
10/19. After my first night with my eventually ex-husband he rolled over and asked "Jennifer, did we have sex last night?"
My name is not Jennifer. I should've run at that point.
11/19. Well I woke up next to someone and immediately regretted the decision I had made drunkenly the night before. So I get up slowly to be as quiet as I could and started putting on my clothes, ready to leave.
I got halfway down the staircase before I realized I was trying to sneak out of my own house.
12/19. I woke up to his CRAZY female roommate vacuuming the hallway outside of his room for over an hour, banging the vacuum into his door over and over again. I guess she was trying to wake us up so I would leave, but we ended up just waking up and having sex while she was vacuuming.
13/19. I met a girl at a show that my band was playing at, went back to her place, had sex 3 or 4 times that night, then fell asleep at probably 7am. I wake up at about 9am, completely disoriented, and hear her boyfriend kissing her saying "Mmm, looked like you guys had fun last night!"
He was apparently watching us the entire time.
I didn't even know she had a roommate.
14/19. I woke up thinking I'd had a dream that I had sex, roll over and there is a dude in my bed. I sit up and see about 3 used condoms on the floor on my bedroom. I poke him awake and ask him to leave.
I didn't remember his name, or how we even got into that situation. A few hours later he adds me on Facebook... he's in a relationship, she's in his profile picture. Safe to say I didn't accept that friendship request and I saw him out the next week and he tried it on again and I just went "You have a girlfriend, f*ck off".
I went to a pretty small university and I'd see them walking around with each other, it was so awful. I felt terrible.
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15/19. She told me to get up because she had to babysit her granddaughter. First I thought she was joking.
She was not.
16/19. I was studying abroad for a semester in Brazil and the university had one night a week where their students would take the exchange students out.
Usually it would be a club or bar, and sometimes just drinking on the beach. This night we were at a club, and for some reason I indulged myself a lot more than usual. My first blackout. I woke up the next morning in a strange room, strange bed, with a cute Brazilian girl beside me. She wakes up and I quickly realize she didn't speak any English (this was only a couple weeks in so my Portuguese was nil to none to be honest).
My wallet was missing, my shirt was ripped, she wanted to go another round that morning, then I realized I was in an area of this city that isn't exactly the safest. Had to break out her computer and use Google translate to tell her to call me a cab, and then have her loan me money to get back to my dorm.
Oh, and replacing credit and debit cards overseas is a breeze, let me tell you.
Moral of the story - doesn't matter, had sex.
17/19. Got insanely drunk at a hipster bar and met this cute little pixie chick. We went back to place, double-back-beasted it, and passed out on her bed.
Or what I thought was her bed.
When I awoke the next morning, it became abundantly clear that she had absolutely no furniture in her room. Every "surface" (this includes bed and makeshift desk), was comprised solely of dirty clothes. Literal mountains of them.
It didn't smell TOO bad, considering, but still wasn't pleasant. I sneaked out while she was burrowing deeper into the bed-pile.
18/19. I was having a drink in a bar on a work trip and wound up chatting with this guy for a few hours and he eventually asked if I wanted to go back to his place. I did and he showed me around. Typical suburban house with furniture and a kitchen and blah blah blah.
So, we go to his bedroom and it is decorated entirely out of cheap stuffed animals that you get at the fair. Bears, unicorns, horses, pigs... Everything. He has so many that he built shelves all the way around the walls with the smallest animals on the bottom shelf and the biggest ones on the top. No lie, there were probably 1,000 of them. I had to go outside and smoke a cigarette. Thank God he didn't smoke because I had to collect my thoughts.
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The thing was, everything about this guy was normal. He had a nice house, we sort of knew the same people in his work field, he wasn't married. He just seemed like a decent person who was totally unashamed of his stuffed animal collection. The more I thought about it, the more I admired it because I knew he had to catch sh*t from his friends, so I started to find it attractive. I hate to say it, but I started thinking about a relationship.
So, I come back inside and we ended up having pretty decent sex for being sort of drunk and having a one-night-stand. We finished up and I put my head on his shoulder and asked him what he thought about it.
"Go ahead and take a prize off the bottom shelf." He says.
Worst. One night stand. Ever.
19/19. She told me I could sleep in as she left for work early, just to lock the door on my way out.
Her estranged husband decided to pop over, notices me in the bed, naked, gets pissed off, rants about how she's a terrible person, and oh by the way did she mention she was married and has a kid?
I start getting dressed, as I'm putting my shoes on husband picks up TV/VCR combo and is about to leave. I say, "don't steal her TV, she's going to think I did it." He did not seem to care.
The son of a bitch stayed for 2 days after and then actually called me back and kept being there for 3 years.
Asked me to marry him a few months ago, the dick.
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Whoops. That snip was just a hair too far....
Your first bad haircut probably made you want to die a little when you looked in the mirror. Imagine how the person cutting your hair must have felt. Although, maybe they didn't care at all, as evidenced by the bs excuse they gave you when you finished in the barber chair.