20 Parents Reveal The Weirdest Things They've Ever Found In Their Kid's Room.
Parents of Reddit were asked: "What is the weirdest/most shocking thing you have found in your child's room?" These are some of the best answers.
1/20 I literally found shit on the ceiling. This kid is not even 2 yet. I did not sign up for this shit.
2/20 One time a bunch of my wife and I's condoms went missing. I didn't think much of it. I just figured I had misplaced them. About 3 weeks later I was in my son's room when I noticed an absolutely putrid smell. It seemed to be coming from his open window. I slowly and cautiously approached. The smell became stronger, until I was literally gagging. I could not take it anymore. I peeked my head out the window. There it was, tacked to the wood framing right underneath the roof, was a line of more than 15 slimy blue condoms. Each one was stuffed, absolutely full, of every shape, texture, and color of shit. They were all stuffed so full that there is no way he didn't get his hands dirty shoving it all in there. I had to confront him about it. He told me he was making wind chimes..... Wtf?
3/20 When my son was around 6, I was cleaning his room, and came upon a very big ball of thread, inside of a sock, intermingled with cheetos. I unraveled it, and discovered he had tied the cheetos at intervals along the thread, creating a kind of cheeto garland. I asked him about it, and he said he was going to try and eat them, one at a time, and then poop the string out, and floss himself. Flawless logic.
4/20 A poop wall. He was five or six and apparently wasn't wiping well in the bathroom. So at night laying in bed, I guess he was scratching an itchy bumhole and wiping his fingers on the wall next to the bed. Oh god, the gags.
5/20 My 8-yr-old son had a folded up note in his drawer that said "My future" on the outside. On the inside there was a line down the middle. One side: "CIA" Other side: "Janitor"
6/20 When my daughter was 4-5 she would practice writing her numbers and letters over and over again. You know how in a movie they go into the serial killer's house and find scraps of paper covering the walls completely covered in mostly illegible writing? It's like the universal code for "this person is psychotic and will not hesitate to murder you for the pure joy of it." This is what my daughters room would look like.
Pages after pages of her practice writing, every inch of the page covered in writing, spread out all over the floor. Might not seem that shocking, but definitely strange to see.
7/20 A Playboy taped to the underside of his mattress. So if you lifted the mattress you wouldn't directly see it.
8/20 Overall my kid is pretty normal. He's 7, and a month ago I found an envelope with the words "top secrt" written on it hidden under his mattress. I opened it and he had written all over a piece of paper "my favorit color is PINK" over and over. His favorite color has been green since he's been 2. (Or so I thought.) We talked to him about it and he was afraid he'd be teased for liking pink. (We've just moved to a new area and adjusting to the new school has been difficult.) We talked to him about it and he now has a few pink shirts and we're looking to see if we can find pink toys that aren't girls toys. (He wants superheroes, soldiers and legos,...but pink. It's harder than you think)
9/20 My five year old pooped behind her bed. It didn't smell, so we didn't find it until it had already hardened.
10/20 My son plays some sort of dragon game on his Kindle. This game lets you choose your dragons name. While chillin with my son (11) in his room, he casually starts going through his name list. "Oooh, heres Phoenix, Lulu, Sparky, and this is DILDO, my DOUBLE HEADED DRAGON."
Um, where did you come up with that name, I ask. "You know mom. That bird. The one whose extinct? A dildo, I think it's called." Ooooooh. A dodo. Thank goodness. So now it's new name is Bilbo - Bilbo the double headed dragon.
11/20 Coke cans. Dozens of them in a drawer. He'd been stealing them from the kitchen and drinking them in secret. He wasn't smart enough to get rid of the evidence though.
12/20 I think it was a silky negligee. She was maybe 8 at the time.
My wife is a dab hand with a needle and instead of a friend of hers having to return the item, she said she'd repair it (it was a brand new thingy. I don't know. anyway). At some point we realized it wasn't where it was supposed to be and it was worth some amount of money and we were all freaking out that we'd have to cover the cost of it. Daughter must've found it at some point, snuck off with it and for some unknown reason, decided to wad it into a ball and cram it deep underneath her bed, instead of putting it back where it came from.
13/20 Poop. Poop everywhere. She's two and a half. When I woke up and went up to her room she was already awake smearing poop on the walls, floor, window, pillows. Everywhere. Thank god she didn't leave her room. She took a dump on the floor and also stepped in it... making poopy foot prints all over the place. That was this past Monday. One more reason to hate Mondays.
14/20 A sealed block of cheese and a spoon. She was 2 and apparently had gotten hungry but couldn't figure out how to get at the good stuff.
15/20 I was cleaning my 8 year old step son's bedroom because it was overrun by toys. When I got to the closet where it seemed he liked to toss toys in an attempt to clean his room himself, I was hit with a horrid smell. I grabbed everything out of there, toys, dirty clothes and came across a paper grocery bag crumpled up. I was afraid to open it as that was where the smell was coming from. I opened it to find a wadded up pair of underwear caked in dried shit. The smell was so intense I ran to the bathroom to vomit. I never said anything to him about it as he clearly had an accident and was trying to hide it.
16/20 A box with marijuana. When I asked him who he learned to smoke from he said "You Dad, I learned it from you"
17/20 I do not know why, but my 8 year old has taped a mustard packet to his door and labelled it "Top Secret."
18/20 My son is on a local swim team and goes to practice every day after school. He's a talented swimmer but sort of a disorganized kid, and at first I didn't bat an eye when he reported he'd misplaced his swim goggles. So I bought him another pair...which he promptly also lost. This went on for quite awhile, leading to shouting matches -- the goggles weren't expensive but they weren't cheap ($20-$25 range), and after about the tenth pair I told him he'd need to pay to replace future pairs himself. Still kept losing them. I didn't know whether to be exasperated or amused. Mostly exasperated, at the time.
About a year later I'm supervising my daughter as she cleans her room and we pull the bed away from the wall. There's a clattering sound, and a pair of swim goggles appears out of nowhere, seeming to fall from beneath the mattress. My daughter looks convincingly clueless. I investigate and find a tear in the bottom of the upholstered box spring and 31 pairs of swim goggles stashed inside my daughter's bed. It was like a clown car -- every time I reached in and retrieved a pair, more pairs would come tumbling along with it. My daughter swore she had no idea what happened, but eventually we figured it out: her pet ferret, Miles, had been stealing the goggles and stashing them when she let him out to play. There was some other junk in there, too -- a couple of pens and the insole of a sneaker -- but goggles were clearly his favorite. He'd been taking them from my son's gym bag, always left on the floor with the zippered flap conveniently ajar in the next room.
19/20 I found $200 in my son's room once when he was like 9. I was really worried about where he'd gotten it for a while.
20/20 The worst thing I ever discovered in my kids' room was my (then) 6 year old and 3 year old daughters sitting on the bed with every single strand of their hair laying on the floor along with a pair of school safety scissors.
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