People Share How They Made An Awkward Situation A Million Times Worse.
It's one thing to get yourself into an awkward situation - it's another to make it a million times worse. Here, 22 people share how they managed to do just that.
1/20. There was a guy that really needed to fart in class so he comes up with a brilliant idea. The idea was to take a textbook, drop it on the floor and fart at the same time so the loud THUMP would hide the sound of his fart. He picks up his textbook, drops it on the ground and a loud THUMP happens. Now the whole room is quiet and everybody is looking at him. And then he farts.
2/20. Me and my GF at the time where making out on my bed. There was also quite a lot of touchy feely (I was 13, doing things I probably shouldn't have been, but was proud of at the time).
So when I heard the front door open, which is right next to the door to my room, I hopped up faster than an animal noticing or was being hunted.
I look over at my girlfriend, she is trying to get her shirt and bra on quickly, with two arms in the head hole, her head in the shirt hole, the bra in her grasp just dangling hilariously, bare boobs just sorta there.
I look around for some sort of distraction, a way to give her time to get dressed and come up with a cover story, and so I grab a custom bionic toy I had created earlier (some sort of auto gun or whatever, bionics were cool AF) and I ran towards the door....
Too late. My uncle is standing there, and in his view he probably saw this:
Me standing there, my arm outstretched with a silly kids toy in it, pants around my ankles, and a look of pure desperation/fear on my face, and my girlfriend, (who he didn't know at the time) standing there in her hilarious shirt entanglement, boobs bouncing around frustratingly.
Needless to say, the extended family Olive Garden dinner that happened later was awkward for the 3 of us, but my uncle was a bro about it, he left the room, gave her time, didn't talk about it, gave me some condoms after dinner, and never told my parents.
3/20. Several years ago I was sitting at the lunch table, not listening to my friend. He finished his story and I said, "Cool story, needs more dragons." Apparently he was talking about his friend who had recently died in a house fire. I pay more attention to what people are saying now.
4/20. I was sharing a tent with my buddy and our mutual friend, a girl. I'm a heavy sleeper, but I awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of her whispering. I quickly realized she and my bro were having stealth sexy time right next to me. My response..."When is it my turn?" Silence followed...lots of silence...I went back to sleep.
5/20. A guy I know told a story of when he and his friends were kids having a bonfire in the backyard, roasting marshmallows and such, when they heard a bunch of firetrucks and commotion coming from just up the street.
They all ran to see what was going on and apparently a neighbor's house was burning to the ground. Like five alarms burning to the ground. The kid was looking around and saw that the whole family was outside and safe, but was staring at him and his friends in total disbelief.
Apparently in their rush to see what was going on, they brought whatever was in their hands with them and were now standing in front of this family's burning house with marshmallows on sticks.
Continue reading on the next page!
6/20. I wore my headset in the office to listen to music and to take calls as needed. It was a great headset because it canceled out a lot of noise.
One day, one of the guys is saying something about going that I can't make out all that well, but I see him getting ready to step out. Hoping it was for a coffee run, I asked "Oooooh, where are you going?"
I didn't understand the shocked stares from the people around me until after he left silently and they explained that he was fired.
I never lived that one down and every time I run into a former colleague, they bring it up.
7/20. During high school, there was this girl whose mother had passed away from cancer the previous year. Well, to make things worse, her father was also pretty sick. One day, in the middle of history class, someone from the school administration comes into the classroom and privately pulls her aside to tell her the bad news: her father was dead.
Everyone in the classroom understood what was going on, and there was silence, and everyone felt really bad for her. You could see the pity on everyone's face.
Then this kid named Kevin who was late for class comes in, sees everyone's faces and says "WTF, DID SOMEONE DIE OR WHAT?"
Then the whole class shouted "KEVIN SHUT THE F*CK UP".
8/20. Once I had a teacher let me do a presentation after school. I missed the days before when the presentations were going on so really I could only do it after school. Presenting to one person is kind of weird though. My teacher was young and awkward, but really likeable and definitely didn't want to be as awkward as he was. Anyway, my teacher was probably making sure I wasn't too nervous or whatever and he asked me, "Are you comfortable doing this?"
Now I'm not sure why but I just said, "Yeah. Are you comfortable doing this?"
Ugh it made it so much weirder.
9/20. First Thanksgiving with my girlfriends (now wife's) family. Table full of her relatives. Don't know many. As the new guy there, some of the uncles/cousins would make untoward remarks about me and her getting physical in a romantic way to try and rile up her father.
At one point, someone made a passing joke that she was pregnant. Immediately afterwards, the conversation at the table got quiet as group conversations tend to do. Unfortunately it was at this exact moment that I chose to finally respond to one of the uncle's jests. While everyone became quiet I simultaneously uttered the words, "And we're keeping this one."
10/20. I was at my ex-girlfriend's grandmother's funeral reception. I dropped and broke a plate. Awkward enough.
But my response after the room has gone quiet and everyone is staring at me?
"See, this is why you can't take me to nice places."
Continue reading on the next page!
11/20. Freshman year of high school, gym class. Our class shared the locker rooms with the weight lifting class. So a bunch of tiny freshman having to change/shower in a locker room full of juniors/seniors that are MUCH farther along in puberty.
The routine was simple. Undress, walk to the shower with your towel wrapped around yourself. Hang up your towel outside the showers, clean, towel off and wrap up. Get dressed.
Everything was going well, until it was time to dry off. My towel is gone, someone took my towel. I had plenty of options, I chose the most embarrassing one.
I strode into the middle of the locker room, buck naked. I planted my feet apart in an aggressive stance. One that just happened to also let my genitals be as visible as possible, which I only realized AFTER I had planted my feet.
I shout out to the whole room "WHO THE F*CK TOOK MY TOWEL?!"
Dead silence. I now have close to 60 other males in various state of undress all staring at my nude, pale form.
Someone quietly asks what color my towel was.
Still naked, still angry, I shout out my reply.
At that point someone threw me my towel and I strode away to get dressed.
Outwardly I handled it well, inside I was crying.
12/20. A girl asked to have a sip of my drink as I was chewing on ice. Not knowing what to do with the ice, I spit it back into the drink. She seemed upset and as she began to say "never mind" I assured her I could remedy the situation by digging my disgusting fingers through the drink to get the ice out. That girl is now my wife of 8 years.
Just kidding I never talked to her again.
13/20. I was at a housewarming party being held by the girls that lived in the apartment above us. We only knew a couple of the girls who lived there, but the place was full of their friends (mostly other college girls).
Anyway, out on the balcony I was getting introduced to a few people, and was shaking a couple of hands. The next girl I went to shake hands with put out her left hand instead of the normal right. Thinking she was trying to be weird or pretentious I said, laughing:
"What's with the weird handshake?"
The balcony went silent. The most earth-shattering awkward silence I've ever heard. I glanced down and the girl's right hand was horrifically burned. Like, it was deformed and lifeless.
I said nothing and waited for the conversation to move on, which it did, even though I was still getting looks from everyone there for the rest of the night.
14/20. A lady tells the man next to me, "Nice shirt!" I say thanks thinking she was speaking to me. I then notice she wasn't and I said, "What about mine?" I got a big glare
Continue reading on the next page!
15/20. I was at a chain fast food restaurant and one of the girls making my sub sandwich had a mark on her neck, pretty obvious it was from her boyfriend biting her. So I say, "Did your dog bite you?" and she smiles and says, "Yeah kinda."
Fast forward a couple days, same restaurant but different girl making sandwich and she also has a mark on her neck. I use the same line again but another girl working there starts shaking her head and motioning me to shut up. Upon closer inspection, I see that it's not a hickey. It's a rash or a birthmark or acne, something that probably isn't going away anytime soon. I'm smooth like that.
16/20. First time ever having sex.
There was silence.
Then I spoke:
"Better out than in, I always say."
We didn't have sex again for 3 months after that.
17/20. I work at a local self-serve frozen yogurt shop. It's not too much of a hassle. People come in and take some froyo, add some toppings, get me to weigh it for them so I can determine how much to charge them for their yogurt. Not really too much there to mess up.
I remember it was dead quiet one afternoon and an elderly gentleman came in. He went to weigh it up and pay, everything was great. At the end of the transaction he said, "Have a nice day", and absentmindedly, I replied, "Love you too".
He looked at me for a moment and said, "Haha, what?" This wouldn't be too bad usually. People slip up, it happens. All I had to do was say, "Haha whoops, sorry. I meant you too", but in an effort to not appear like an idiot, I quickly followed up with, "Sorry, you reminded me of my dad". I have no idea why that's the first thing that came to my mind but I went with it.
He looked sadly at me for a minute, then left the shop. I hated myself for the rest of the day.
18/20. I had to attend a reading for the people in my program (a masters program for creative writers) where first-year students would read their work in front of a bunch of important faculty, professors, alumni, and peers.
One of the people in my class read a fairly graphic sex scene in which a sexually-repressed, religious girl masturbates with a pen. That was it essentially, no other context or larger story mentioned in the excerpt. She just read this sex scene.
After the reading, we went up to congratulate the readers and I was making small-talk with her. I was already feeling kind of awkward because, well, she basically narrated a porno to all of the important people in our program, which takes a lot of courage that I don't have. I didn't really know what to say so I jokingly asked if the girl was based on someone she knew (since she'd said that the setting of the story was somewhere where she'd grown up).
She said, "Oh, the girl was based on me. I used to be like that."
Me: "Oh... well... that makes sense... you ARE from Kansas, after all..."
She just gave me this really strange look and said, "Yeah..." and walked away. WHY?! Why did I say that?! What does Kansas even have to do with anything?! I'm still cringing, ughhh.
Continue reading on the next page!
19/20. My friend and I got onto an elevator together. She was extremely pregnant. Another woman got on, and with the best of intentions she started asking my friend questions.
"How far along are you?"
My friend was courteous but short with the woman. She knew where this line of questioning was going and she didn't want to encourage this stranger to ask more questions. "Eight months"
"Oh wonderful! Do you know what you're having?"
At this point I'm getting really uncomfortable. I'm screaming in my head as we're stuck in this elevator: "Stop! Stop asking questions!" We aren't making eye contact, we aren't smiling at her, we aren't being polite strangers. She doesn't take the hint.
"And is this your first child?"
"Is your oldest excited for a baby sister?"
There was an awkward pause for a moment when my friend decided to be honest to this nosey stranger.
"My first child died a year and a half ago."
It was so uncomfortable in that damn elevator so I did the only thing that made sense - I laughed harder than I've ever laughed in my entire laugh. The most satisfying, all encompassing body laugh I've ever had.
20/20. Me and my good buddy were hanging at my house with two female friends. Buddy is fiddling with the tv as he offered to set up the movie we planned to watch. Me and the two female friends are on the couch facing him.
I dont know what or why he did, but he farted. But he didnt just fart, he decided he'd match the pitch of the fart with his voice and hum the note before turning it into "Single Ladies" by Beyonce. I guess as a quick save to make sure no one heard him fart. We're just sitting on the couch awestruck. Female friend pipes up: "Did you just fart and try to cover it up by humming Single Ladies?" Buddy denies it. Instantly becomes noticeably flustered and stumbles on his way back to the couch. Slaps a glass of water by mistake and sends it all over the table. Oh how we laughed.
When you're a kid most adults will tell you one thing or another is "cool" and "fun." Odds are you're too young to form any kind of opinion on the matter one way or another. You're a kid, right? You don't know what you're eating for breakfast. However, when you get older and form that larger worldview, you realize that yeah, maybe that one time when you were a kid actually wasn't fun.
These are those stories.