20 Women And Men Share What Dating Life Is REALLY Like And It's Absolutely Hilarious.
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Thanks to all the awesome folks on Twitter who shared their tweets with us.
Dick pics are the human equivalent of a cat giving you a dead bird as a "gift"
Ryncasaurus (@Ryncasaurus) April 27, 2013
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) December 26, 2013
Me: Netflix & chill?
[later that night]
Her: so you don't have Netflix?
Me [pulling out 20 condoms]: I don't have chill either
David Hughes (@david8hughes) September 15, 2015
I know this is only our second date, Susan, and maybe I'm moving too fast, but I'd like permission to rename your cat.— Just Jason (@longwall26) September 27, 2013
If you love someone:— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) May 27, 2013
1. Set them free
2. Drunk dial them
3. Read too much into their FB posts
4. Make them feel sorry for you
5. Die alone
[undoes GFs bra first time]— k e e t (@KeetPotato) May 17, 2015
"wow have you been practicing?"
don't be ridiculous
[me and dog exchange glances]
[Frantically plunging the toilet at a girl's house]— Donnie (@Donnie_Fairburn) December 23, 2014
"You ok in there?"
"Are you sure? What's that noise?"
*climbing out the window* IDK
i ask my dates the important questions upfront like "are you cool with a harry potter themed wedding"
lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) November 5, 2013
my ex has had a really hard time moving on. from what i can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) May 22, 2013
What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates:— Ristolable (@Ristolable) August 13, 2014
1. Nice shirt.
2. Wow. A second nice shirt.
3. Okay, first shirt again.
4. He has two shirts.
the stages of a breakup:— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) October 5, 2015
4. taking pictures of everything you do to make sure people know you're having fun
Relationships are an expensive way to watch someone slowly like you less and less.— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) May 20, 2014
(drops date off at her house)— chuuch (@ch000ch) July 14, 2016
her: wanna come in?
me: i have to get up early..
(sees theres a pikachu in her backyard)
When breaking up with your first boyfriend/girlfriend, it helps to say "you'll always be the answer to my online banking security question."— Danny Ricker (@dannyricker) September 30, 2011
Saying "I love you" for the first time is like guessing the wifi password for someone's heart
Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 8, 2014
you say potato, I say where is this relationship going— Sandy Honig (@sandyhonig) January 12, 2015
I just want someone who looks at me the way my brother looks at ketchup pic.twitter.com/gDcrGcjG13— Anicca (@13adh13) January 23, 2016
"I just want a guy that makes me laugh"— Aggressively Passive (@theaaronone) January 9, 2016
*makes her laugh*
First date - I'll have an ice water and a lettuce wedge
Tenth date - I'll have a large pizza, extra cheese. What do you want, honey?
EnvyDaTropic (@envydatropic) October 15, 2015
[introducing myself to new boyfriends parents]— Amanda Hugnkiss (@caliluvgirl77) January 22, 2016
"Hi, I usually don't make it this far"
Someday you'll meet someone amazing who just gets you. And they won't want to date you either
Hippo (@InternetHippo) July 15, 2015
Share with someone who could use a laugh!
When you're a kid most adults will tell you one thing or another is "cool" and "fun." Odds are you're too young to form any kind of opinion on the matter one way or another. You're a kid, right? You don't know what you're eating for breakfast. However, when you get older and form that larger worldview, you realize that yeah, maybe that one time when you were a kid actually wasn't fun.
These are those stories.