23 White Collar Employees Share The Best Thing That Happened In Their Office.

Office workers of Reddit were asked: "What's your best office story?" These are some of the best answers.

1/23 You know those protein shakers? If left uncleaned for some time it stinks like 15 year old farts and rotten eggs if you open it up inside an office landscape. Our cleaning lady did not know that, and we had to evacuate two floors of the building.


2/23 I tied all the cables of a guys computer together under his desk with a zap strap (monitors, mouse, keyboard, phone, etc.) I then hooked that bundle of cables to the lever under his chair that controlled the up/down position and turned the chair so it was at a 90 degree angle.

He came back to his desk after lunch and sat down. Grabbed a hold of his desk like he normally does to turn is his chair and spun to face his computer. His ENTIRE desk was pulled into the rear corner of his cubical. It made a lot of noise, but not as much as he did swearing.


3/23 I have one. We have an agent, let's call him "Joe". Joe is about 60 and the PERFECT employee. Never misses work, perfect stats, honest, customers love him and always give him praise, volunteers for overtime and absolutely everybody loves him. I use his calls as examples in my training class. He has been offered NUMEROUS management positions but he is perfectly content sitting at home, fixing customers problems, making them happy and making our company money. He is an absolute machine.

2 years ago his wife and his 40th wedding anniversary was coming up and I had a business trip to Ohio for a new system training. Joe was told he had to come with me to learn. He pleaded he couldn't because he would miss his wedding anniversary(Plus it was odd because agents NEVER go on trips) and my manager said sternly "Do it Joe, you don't have a choice". Joe of course went home and packed and got ready to leave a few days later. His wife said she was going to stay with her sisters while he was gone and left the night before. Our company car picked me up for the airport and we headed to Joe's. He was pretty upset and depressed but tried to be upbeat. We went to dinner and stalled for a few hours (for good reason) and when we got to the airport we boarded out plane and headed to Houston (for a switch). We got to Houston and we walked up to the Miami gate and I said "There's your plane". He looked at me and I pointed over to his wife standing at the gate.

My boss had arranged to send them to Miami for a week and then on a cruise to Jamaica for their anniversary WITH my bosses company credit card for expenses. The first thing out of his mouth was "OMG I DIDN'T PACK FOR THAT" but of course we had his wife take care of that when we sent her out on an earlier flight. He started crying right there in the airport and hugged me. I handed him the credit card, went over and gave his wife a hug and told her she owed me some apple cookies (so bomb) and headed to my plane for Ohio. Went to Ohio and....yeah...Ohio.


4/23 So I did the old screenshot the desktop, hide desktop icons, and save the screenshot as the new desktop background. To three different computers, two of which were shared between 5-10 people. Now the problem was, I called in sick, with food poisoning the next day.

Utter chaos broke out. No one could open any programs. IT had to get involved and it apparently took them a few hours to figure out what had happened. No one ever knew it was me, and I had planned on, you know, taking the credit and winning that stage of the prank war, but no.... I played dumb and bit my tongue.


5/23 I worked with a guy we called "Irish Jeff". We are on a sales team, and he will call customers and start singing "Oh Danny Boy" while the phone rings. When the customer answers and asks if he was singing, he will say "Well, I am Irish!" He will then talk to them for 45 minutes about his Irish heritage and the names of the boats that originally brought people over from Ireland without letting them off the phone. He doesn't really ever talk about anything he's supposed to be selling. He was born and raised in Texas.


6/23 A guy at my office had a fishing rod along the ceiling [with the] the hook positioned over a guy (who we'll call Dave)'s head. Every so often he dropped the hook (which has a little weight) onto Daves head and then quickly pulled the cord so the hook is back up to the ceiling and isnt visible. This was going on months and the guy who was being pranked didnt have a clue. He went to the doctor for tests because it felt like a throb to his head so he worried something was really wrong. When we told him what was happening he couldnt stop laughing at himself.

Dave's revenge was pretty sweet, he had sex with the pranker's sister.


7/23 We've had a couple of good prank wars over the years. Best thing that comes to mind quickly is when we changed a guys phone autocorrect to replace "." with "?"

He was very confused for days.


8/23 We had a Phil Collins day to f*ck with a co-worker that professed to hating Genesis. Months after revealing their hatred, the president of the company had the IT department stay after everyone left to absolutely cover this person's desk in Phil's face and I heart Phil signs in celebration of Phil Collin's birthday. It was practically a holiday, and very little work was accomplished as a result. Pretty much the best day at the office, ever.


9/23 Came in to work (I was the early manager) and before I get to my desk my phone is ringing. Answer it and its an employee, all he says is "I have to go, I'm bleeding from my a**." Stunned I say "Ya, you should leave." I walk to his cube and find a blood soaked chair with bloody napkins all over it. I ask if he wants to call 911 or something and he says, "No I am driving myself". Call maintenance and have to explain to them and upper management how all this blood appeared. Guy ended up OK and came back to work couple days later, never asked what the hell the issue was.


10/23 Ten minutes into the company meeting someone's phone went off playing bagpipe music. But as it got louder we realized it was an actual set of bagpipes playing outside. Before we knew it, the guy marches into the conference room blasting away that one Scottish song (don't know what it's called, but you know the one I mean). After he finished playing, the speaker, who had been playing dumb until now, announced that we had just acquired a small company in Scotland. Best announcement ever.


11/23 While I was working for State Farm in Florida, I was in an office with 4 women & one other guy. One serendipitous day all of the ladies were all scheduled to be out of the office for various reasons, and me and the other guy were left alone. We invented "Man Day" that day.

There were no appointments on the books for that day, everyone had scheduled light knowing it was just he & I alone. We went to the gas station across the streed & got a 6 pack of craft beer, put on some netflix & watched guy movies on his laptop for a few hours. After that we found a giant stash of old fluorescent lights that didn't work anymore in an old storage closet. We went into the back lot & had light saber wars until they were all gone. We smoked a doobie & did cookies in the dirt lot out back in my old Toyota pick up truck.

Toward the end of the day we ordered Chinese delivery & had the driver bring us a 6 pack. (we used to order delivery Chinese at least 2x per week, they knew us) When the delivery guy got there we gave him a big tip & a beer & the other guy & I drank beer & closed up with Chinese.

Maybe not the craziest story... but it was easily the best day I've ever had in the office. The other guy & I email once in a while now. We always fondly remember "Man Day" when we do.


12/23 A girl I worked with (married) was f*cking the boss (also married). They stayed after hours for weeks to do their thing in his office. For some reason, she opened up to me about this even though we weren't friends, and she included the fact that he prematurely ejaculates. So, anytime he's being a dick I just picture that and feel better.


13/23 This was at my last job, a call center, on national donut day at Krispy Kreme.

Girl A had gotten a box of donuts and was on a call with a customer. Girl B comes up and takes one out of the box. Girl A mutes her phone and says, "B*tch, you better be joking. Don't touch my donuts." Girl B turns around and walks away with the donut. Girl A hangs up on her customer and full-on assaults Girl B. An epic brawl breaks out right in the middle of the call floor and they even crash through the giant partition that separates our call center from another company's which is actually all in the same giant room. At some point a knife tumbles out of one of their purses (no one actually pulled it or tried to use it, but it did fall out.)

Management has everyone end their calls and clears the floor out. Cops are called and both girls are escorted out, never to be seen there again. Because donuts.


14/23 My current office building was once a funeral home that had sat vacant for a number of years after the previous owner shot himself in the apartment upstairs.

When we first moved into the office, there was a wall panel that was accidentally knocked out in the basement. There were about 30 people worth of ashes hidden in the wall.


15/23 I work with my best friend at a large and stuffy office. So I send him horrible and ridiculous things in the mail, addressed to him, at our office. My favorite thus far was when he opened, in front of group of coworkers, a translucent peach colored dildo I had found online (it was on sale for $20).


16/23 An ex-colleague was always walking around the office with a fanny pack (a.k.a. waist bag, moon bag) on. He was a bit of a weirdo and a loner, so we just assumed that he kept his wallet and/or car keys in there. (There had been a couple of office thefts.)

What we didn't know, is that he kept a loaded .38 special revolver in there, to ward off any would-be car hijackers on the way to work. (It's a thing in our country ...) Once at work, he realized he couldn't just leave the revolver in the car or in a desk drawer, so he decided to hide it away in the fanny pack.

One day, he went to the toilet, and took off the fanny pack before he could undo his trousers. He placed the fanny pack on the toilet roll holder attached to the wall. Once he did everything he needed to do, he got up, but in the process bumped into the toilet roll holder, and so the fanny pack (including said revolver) fell onto the floor and a shot went off - shattering the porcelain toilet.

The contents to the toilet and shattered remains of the porcelain toilet bowl were all over the floor, and he had to go explain all of this to the powers-that-be. He resigned shortly thereafter - can't remember if this was voluntary, or induced, and left the country a while later. To this day we refer to him as the "big white toilet hunter".


17/23 We had a general office questionnaire one day, questions like "do you like your job", "do you feel listened to" or "have you been sexually harassed at work".

One person filled in 'yes' to that last question. Massive panic within the company followed. Protocols were set up, meetings held, experts hired and our team managers took each and every one of us separate and asked us, with concern and kindness in their eyes "Was it you, did anyone hurt you?"

It was John. He and Fred were good friends and always slapping each other on the butt or poking each other in the side, especially when on the phone with a customer. He'd filled in 'yes' for a laugh because technically, he was slapped on the a**. He got to explain that to the company president and was sacked shortly after.


18/23 I work at factory back office watching over incoming/outgoing materials, and general material management. We had a shipping container come in from the States , transporting several big bags of a sugar/milk powder mixture. We crack open the container and much to our surprise we find a cat...

Bear in mind this container spent a solid week or two at sea... The cat was alive, apparently it survived of eating the powder.


19/23 We call her "The Runner".

Call center rep was going to be fired for refunding fees that had never been charged. She was essentially just giving away money because she couldn't figure anything out. About halfway to the conference room, she figures out what's happening. As such, she comes to a dead stop and refuses to keep going. She keeps asking her manager " Johnny, are you going to fire me?". Of course he can't confirm since she's still in the middle of the floor, so he tells her he just wants to be able to have a conversation in private. She keeps asking and he keeps not answering. Eventually she just turns around and takes off for her desk. Johnny is standing there for about 10 seconds trying to decide between going after her, or continuing to the conference room where his boss is waiting for them. He finally decides on the conference room.

Johnny is a pretty large guy and his boss is a chain smoker. After the boss knows what happened, they take off running over to her desk and the other reps tell them that she left. So they then sprint down to the parking lot. Just as they get to the doors, they see her car pulling onto the street. They hung out for about 5 minutes to catch their breath.

When they got back, Johnny called corporate HR and they let him know that the rep had already called Aetna to file for a leave of absence. She got fired anyway...


20/23 My co-worker was out of town for an office pancake breakfast. In her absence, we decided to make her up a breakfast plate. We ended up making a vitruvian man made of sausages on a royal chinet plate and hiding it in her office. She found it, and then the Vitruvian man began to travel office to office. It was sealed with tape, but that didn't stop it from starting to go mouldy.

The Vitruvian man was hidden in desk drawers, under paper piles, behind coats. I knew it was my turn for the Vitruvian man to end up in my office but when I got in, I couldn't find it anywhere. Later in the day, one of our VP's came in to meet with me about a serious matter. He asks me a question, and in thinking of my response, I look up. There on the ceiling, mission impossible style, is a mouldy man made of sausages with it's taped on smiley face looking down at me. I awkwardly carried on the conversation with the VP through random laughter which didn't make sense to him. I had to throw out the plate after that. In total, we had it moving around the office for about a month.


21/23 I swear to god this is true. I worked in a staffing company as a recruiter. One of the sales guy always bragged about his martial art skills. One afternoon one of the female recruiters called bullsh*t on him. They were right outside my cubicle. He says something to the effect of "Don't believe me? I will kick my foot over your head right now! Star here. Just like this." He positions her and the gets in a karate squat (don't know how else to describe it) and goes for it without any stretching, practice or anything. He rotates and kicks his foot way up! Just high enough to make solid contact with her right temple with a solid thud. She staggers a bit dazed and he runs and hides in his cube. I couldn't believe what I just saw. It happened so quick. It was insane.


22/23 Summer of 2013, I'm interning at a pharmaceutical/biotech company and was meeting the team; there was this particular guy (white guy mid 40s) on the team who I had lunch with on a daily basis. We talked about what I was studying in school at the time, and how I wanted to travel the world for a bit after graduation, instead of just going straight to 9-5 office life. He got deeply depressed when I said so, and started saying he's been doing this "9-5" thing for 20 years straight (he's like 45), and what I said to him really made him wake up......in my head I'm like, "Ooh....this isn't going to be good"

Fast forward 2 days later, I'm finishing up training modules assigned to me, and all of a sudden, one of the HR ladies walks over to my Manager's cube and explains that he quit (no 2 weeks notice), and my manager bolts up and yells in disbelief "HE WHAT? PLEASE REPEAT WHAT YOU JUST SAID. HE WENT TO TAIWAN TO.....FIND....HIMSELF?".

I'm trying to connect the dots to see if I, the lowly intern, really said some things to stir up an employee to quit his job and travel the world. I didn't tell my manager the conversation I had with him. But I did tell one of the girls that I worked with, and that's when I started my journey of an office fling; but that's a story for another day.


23/23 Y'know those compressed air canisters you get for cleaning keyboards? We had a few of those lying around the office ... One day the office clown thought it'd be a genius idea to take a lighter to one. Not entirely sure what went through his head when he sprayed it through a lighter in a bay full of desks and colleagues. Fortunately nobody was hurt, he however was suspended on the spot and ultimately sacked.



Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.