24 Honest Couples Share The Strangest Thing They Do In Private.
Behind closed doors, couples are a completely different animal...sometimes in the strangest possible ways.
Below are 24 honest couples who share the absolutely strangest thing they do when nobody is around. Check them out!
1. To get each other's attention, or just as a greeting, we say "Meep" to each other and through text. One time I woke her up by saying Meep in my sleep.
2. My wife always talks about my nipples. She calls them Roni's...because you know, they are pepperoni shaped.
Also, I tuck her into bed pretty much every night. We call this "Tucks".
We goof around so much, that it could get dangerous if we are on steps. So we've created a rule that we refer to as "No horseplay by the steps". I don't know where this started, but I think we were trying to tickle each other, and I was too close to the steps.
And when me and the wife are home alone, she hides around the house. The other day, she made it seem like she was going upstairs to the bathroom while I took care of something in the kitchen. It turns out she decided to hide under the dining room table. When I went back to sit down I kept feeling something touching my legs. I looked down and saw nothing. I just brushed it off thinking it was the tablecloth on the table. This happened a couple of more times, and I still didn't notice it. When I realized my wife hadn't returned, I called out her name, and then she started giggling from underneath the table. It scared the heck out of me.
3. Our middle son has a little basketball hoop that hangs on to the top of his bedroom door. When he is sleeping, we'll often bring it in our room and have a dunk contest. We'll jump from the bed and dunk the ball into the hoop. Whoever has the best dunk wins. We have gotten injured doing this, but it's fun.
We also like to make up elaborate stories when people ask us weird questions in public. Our youngest son is a different race than us and our older two sons, so we have had people come up to us to ask if all the kids are ours. Sometimes my wife will say, "Nope. I found them all on the street on my way here. I decided to scoop them up and bring them shopping with me. Please don't call the cops." Additionally, if I have all the kids by myself and someone ask if I am giving my wife a break, I'll sometimes say, "Nope, she's dead. Thanks for bringing that up in front of my kids." It probably makes us horrible people, but we like seeing how people react.
4. We have separate queen size beds that we pushed together into one massive bed. That way we can take up as much space as we want when we sleep and we have our own blankets, or we can roll over 4 or 5 times to see each other.
5. Not together anymore but my last boyfriend and I would pretend to be on a really awkward first date if we were bored and at a quiet restaurant. We would form our characters over the course of the meal by asking the basic questions and giving made up contradictory answers so if anyone were listening in they might find a lead singer of a satanic metal band on a date with the daughter of a priest, trying to impress each other.
6. I read to her every night. She falls asleep within 10 minutes, I on the other hand, continue reading, get excited, keep reading and have trouble falling asleep.
I won't stop though. I love this girl so much.
7. We pretend to be siblings at parties where we don't know many people and talk it up throughout the night. We'll start doing weird things like talking cutesy or flirting with each other, then finish it off by just making out and shocking everyone. It's loads of fun.
8. We work different hours and our sleeping schedules are different during the week so she wakes me up at least twice a week normally at 2-3am to have sex. Its like I sleep 4 hours get woken up to have sex then go back to bed for 4 hours. My friends I tell this to find it very strange.
9. We take most of our showers together. There is rarely any sexiness. It's just a time for us to talk and spend time together
10. When we're kissing sometimes we blow into each other's mouths really hard.
11. We narrate dogs inner monologue that we see on the street aloud in a funny kind of squeaky Eastern European accent; particularly if it's an especially grumpy looking one "today is a veeeery bad day I has had no treaties and they are some spooky leaves on the ground".
Embarrassing but I'll be damned if I don't find it adorable.
12. We mimic each others laughter, which makes us laugh more, which gives us more laughter to make fun of, which causes us to laugh harder and so on and so on.... Plus we have our own ridiculous words for stuff.
13. At night when we are laying so that we are facing away from each other, one of us will bump our behind against the other person and say "butt butt butt?" And then the other person responds "butt butt butt."
14. My boyfriend likes to do this thing called WOOLY MAMMOTH. which is him on all fours with me on his back usually on my belly with my legs sticking out. then he walks us around the apartment and "grazes" using my legs as his tusks. it's weird but it makes me laugh.
We also have poop competitions. we bought a scale to see who poops the most weight in the day.
15. We forgive each other easily and move on from what we are upset about.
16. We have a voice for our cat that we both do. Our cat is one funny guy when I am his voice, not so much when she does.
17. We try to catch each other off guard. If one of us succeeds, we tell the other one that they suck.
Sucessful: "Babe?" "What?" "You suck."
Not successful: "Babe?" "No."
18. Joke argue. We will be in public having what seems to everyone else to be a serious argument, but it's all in good fun to us, and can actually diffuse real tension. An example: He's been in a weird/bad mood all day, and he's tired of me asking what's wrong. So the next time I ask what's wrong, He'll tell me to stop asking, nothing's wrong. I'll challenge him to a fight in the parking lot, and he'll be like "yeah let's go." And it escalates from there to stuff like "I'll punch your head right off this Earth." or "I'll wreck you with my Fists of Justice." and the winner is whoever says the most crazy off the wall nonsense without laughing. It always ends with "I love you" and a kiss, but I'm sure other people think we're abusive.
19. We purposefully pronounce words/phrases incredibly wrong and then repeat them with increasing absurdity until they're barely recognizable. When we get a funny one, it becomes how we say that word forever. I've embarrassed myself more than once using the wrong pronunciation in front of other people.
To the last page for the best ones yet!
20. Gaming together, apparently. So many people wish for what we have, which leads me to believe it's a strange circumstance.
We sit side by side, with our TVs and Xboxes next to each other, chatting to the same group of people, playing the same games. It's AWESOME.
21. We do this thing where we'll go in for a kiss, but instead of a kiss one of us will lick the tip of the other's nose. It's random and we try to do it when the other least expects it. Best if you can remember to do it in an especially tense moment, or an especially romantic one
22. Yesterday, we tried to see how many desk items (pens, scissors, pencils, etc.) I could hold up under one boob. We got to two pairs of scissors, two markers, a pen, and three pencils before they started to fall out.
23. We constantly make up parody songs based on the mundane things our pets do. Dog needs to go outside? Gotta sing a song. Cat struts from one room to the other? Song time! The songs are always different and usually based on whatever's stuck in our head but it's fun to jump in and help the other person finish it.
24. We stay home from work to hang out with each other. We work together too. We also car pool. We have the same schedule and days off of work. We took a week off and perfectly happy hanging out. Been doing it for 8 years.
Secretly, we all fear having birthdays like the one in Sixteen Candles, where nobody shows up and we're forced to deal with how lonely we feel as people. But sometimes, people have things happen on their birthday that put Molly Ringwald to shame.
It stinks to have your special day go sour. Moreover, it hurts, that if whatever happened was bad enough, you will never be able to not associate your birthday with that awful thing.