24 Late Night Store Clerks Share The Strangest Thing They've Witnessed While On The Job.

Ah, the old graveyard shift...where anything and everything can happen. Here, 24 late night sales clerks share the strangest thing they've witnessed while on the job.

1/24. A man came in ten times within a single hour. He kept leaving and coming back without buying a single thing. Finally, on the tenth time he comes up to the counter with a box of tampons. I proceeded to ask him, "Rough night?", to which he responded, "I really don't want to talk about it.


2/24. I work nights at a gas station in a pretty good neighborhood in New Hampshire, so usually it's pretty boring. One night I did have a customer really creep me out. I was just getting ready to close down the store when a little old man came in. He was small and dressed in khakis and a button down shirt. I made the usual small talk of asking him how his day was going. Then as I was handing him his change he firmly grabbed my wrist, made direct eye contact with me and said, "Hell is a real place and the devil has already got his hand on you girl, be careful.


3/24. I've never been a store clerk but I was lucky enough to witness the following story....

7-11, circa 1996....

A guy walks up to the surly clerk, who seemed to work 25 hours a day, and asks "do you sell eggs by the 1/2 dozen?"

Clerk: "No, you have to buy a dozen."

Guy: "I only need 6."

Clerk: "I don't care. You get 12 or you get zero!"

With out saying another word the guy walks back to get his dozen eggs, pays, and walks out.... Then he throws his 6 unwanted eggs at the store window before driving off.


4/24. Had a guy pull up to the pump, unhooked it wanting post-pay. Our policy said not to authorize it between midnight and 5am (pre-pay only). I announce this to the dude over the loudspeaker. I'm pretty sure he was wasted; he continued to get more and more belligerent.

When he started beating the pumps with the nozzle/hose, I called the cops. Dude starts banging on the door (locked, no way he would get in), can't, gets frustrated, and finally just whips his junk out and starts wagging it in the general direction of the store.

The CCTV is getting all this, so I just start laughing my butt off. Then the cops pull up, and two deputies put this poor, drunk, junk-wagging man away in the back of a police car.

I quit a few months after that.


5/24. I worked at a small convenience store in the early 1990's. They had one of those fry delis that had chicken, jojos, corndogs, burritos etc. This particular night I had run out of burritos and chicken. I also shut the thing down and cleaned it all out about an hour before closing.

About 5 minutes before I was closing up a guy walked in and asked for some burritos. I told him I was out of them, and that I was just about to close and the fryer was shut down. He walked around the store for a minute (I assumed he was looking for something else to buy) and then he came up to the counter, pulled out a knife and told me if I didn't cook him some burritos he was going to stab me.

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I freaked out, but told him I had none to cook. I showed him the freezer and told him I would happily cook anything he wanted from it, but he will see I was out of burritos. He looked in it for a minute, turned to me and said, "You really are out." I replied, "Yeah." He then put the knife away and left the store.


6/24. A guy came in to buy beer after hours. Told him I couldn't sell, it was against the law. He pulled out a badge, said, "I am the law". I called 911 and a cop shows up, tells me if I can just let it go, I wouldn't have any more problems. I let it go. Two weeks later, driving home late at night, WAY over the speed limit I got pulled over. It was cop #2. He came up to the car, recognized me, and said, "Slow down" and left.


7/24. I used to work the graveyard at a gas station near my place. Pretty normal night. Clean, stock smokes, clean again, sit behind the counter. A woman came in about mid-30s with a little boy with her. She was in tears and her clothes were torn a bit. She came up and asked to use the phone. When she got off without getting an answer, she asked to stay here for a bit. I told her it wouldn't be a problem.

About 20 minutes goes by and I wound up giving her and her kid free drinks and one of the sandwiches we have on the hot rack. She was in the store for about 30 minutes until her "boyfriend" came in and found her and her kid.

He was pretty calm at first but then started screaming at her and telling her she needed to come with him. Luckily before anything crazy happened, a cruiser pulls up to the front and two cops come in and intervened. He was arrested right there. I guess he had been beating her in front of her kid and she was trying to run away. I'm glad I got to keep her away from harm for at least a little bit. Was a scary night!


8/24. I worked at a 24/7 gas station in a small college town. One night, the club across the street had a fight break out and about 50 people were pepper sprayed by the police when they responded at about 1:30am.

Five minutes later, cue fifty angry club-goers busting into the store, running to the dairy cooler, dousing themselves in milk and then running back out.

I just stood there in utter confusion and then told my boss I didn't want the late shift anymore.


9/24. The place I worked at had a monitor/camera that showed you on it as you walked it. It was like ten minutes before closing and a guy walks in and just starts rapping into the camera and acting like he's shooting a music video. He went through an entire song.


10/24. A guy came in, walked to the back cooler got a can of Sprite and came to the register to check out. As I'm ringing him up, one of our local cops walks in, gun drawn, says, "Put your hands on the counter, put your hands on the counter, NOW!" Well, I put my hands on the counter along with the customer because all I'm thinking is, "I have no idea what I've done, but I'm very sorry for it." (continued)

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Turned out that guy had been involved with a robbery of a convenience store in the next town that was five minutes away. He had fled in a Mustang with two other individuals. They wrecked the car trying to evade the cops, and all three dispersed. Two were apprehended pretty quickly but the third came into the store to either blend in or rob me, I honestly don't know which. After the festivities and them hauling the guy away, the cop told me he had almost lost it when I put my hands on the counter too, and that I should really rethink working closing shifts at my age. I was 19 at the time and I am female. I laughed and was like, "And give up free entertainment??!!


11/24. I work a restaurant/fast food store in Australia. Last week I saw a woman order four burgers but wanted no ingredients other than lettuce, not even any bread. I offered if she would like to just buy the lettuce as a topping and just pay $1.25 for it but she insisted on ordering four servings of burger lettuce at full burger price.


12/24. I worked 11pm - 7am shift in an all-night garage for a few months when I was 18. There was this weird dude who drove a white Honda Prelude, and always filled up with 6.66 of gas. He wore the same pair of cut offs every time, with blotches and bruises all over his legs, and used to literally wander in, leaning against the displays, pick up as many yoghurts as he could carry, pay with a 50 note and stagger out.

One time he came in with these two women who were draped all over him with the biggest pupils I have ever seen. They stood at the counter while I scanned all their yogurts, and he spoke for the first and only time. Staring at me, he said to the women, "She can join us, can't she?"

One of the women looked at me and said, "You'll make a lot more money if you come with us, darlin'." I nervously laughed, took their cash and they left,


13/24. Regular male customer living across the street came over with flip flops and a towel around his waist, dripping wet. Grabbed a bar of soap, tossed $5 on the counter, and walked back out.


14/24. A woman came into my store one night while I worked as a gas station clerk. She walked to the cooler and grabbed a soda, but the whole time she was in the store she was looking at me all wide-eyed.

She came up to the register, still looking dead at me and hardly blinking, put her soda on the counter, and then said "I BIRTHED YOU".

"Excuse me?" I said


"Um, I'm pretty sure my mom gave birth to me."


I just took her money and then she left.


15/24. I was working the graveyard shift at a big grocery store doing the self-checkout registers. I was the only person around the store other than the stock crew and maybe two or three customers.

I got a call from the fuel centre and the attendant was freaking out and told me someone was flipping over the vending machines (wtf right?) and she was calling the police.

I assumed the guy would just leave after that so I held tight and waited for the police. (continued)

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Until this young blonde guy walks in and calmly walked past me. I tailed him for a few aisles and once he turned the corner on the baby aisle he took off running and grabbed a big display of Dr. Seuss books and flung it to the ground.

He ended up getting arrested at the entrance by a few cops and I got asked question after question.

All in all a fun night.


16/24. I worked at Dunkin' Donuts. Every Tuesday night at about 8:45 a guy would come in. A guy in Daisy Dukes and a sequined bikini top. He was balding, had a beer gut and chest hair.

He would strut his stuff to the counter and order two sprinkle donuts.

Every. Tuesday.


17/24. I worked at a Walgreen's in a not-so-great area and things would happen on the regular, but none were as weird as this.

A man who was a regular came in every day to buy a bag of candy, had no teeth and seemed really strange but I was always cool with him since he was a regular. Then one night after getting his candy he comes back in which he has never done before and looks at me with the strangest look on his face and puts this small piece of paper on my counter and leaves.

Weirded out, I open the letter which said, in the creepiest chicken scratch handwriting, "Hey (my name), I was wondering if you would like to see Spiderman with me tomorrow at the mall at 7pm. If so meet me there at 6." There was a smiley face at the end.

The dude was about 50 something and I was around 20, of course I didn't go but I never saw the dude in my store ever again.


18/24. In high school I worked at a 24-hour pharmacy which also had a small selection of beer. At about 2am this guy walks in 3 sheets to the wind...saunters over to the beer and grabs two 12-packs. He comes up to the counter and slams the beer down. Reaches into his pocket and pulls out a half eaten taco and puts it on the counter...I couldn't say anything because I was so perplexed...I just let him walk out with the beer and told my bosses I thought he might have a gun also...was the strangest thing I've ever seen.


19/24. Beat up kid comes to us at 3am. Blood everywhere. Doesn't want us to call an ambulance. Our policy says if they don't want us to, we can't. So he was just chilling there, bleeding. When we said we were going to call the cops to help, he bolted. My bet was he had a warrant out for his arrest so that's why he didn't want any medical/police attention.


20/24. I used to work at a gas station in a really small town. There was this old homeless guy with a glass eye who would walk around with an uncovered, 5-gallon bucket of pickled pig's feet. The pig's feet were submerged in this pink pickling juice that would splash all over the damn place when he walked around. Not to mention that during the summer, this bucket would reek.

So one of my first days on the job, he came into the gas station to buy a tall boy of Bud Ice. (continued)

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I rang him up and he plunged his hand down in the bucket and pulled out a pigs foot in which he slammed on the counter.

After a bit of back and forth explaining that pigs feet were not a form of currency, I just gave in and let him have the $2 beer (I paid for it myself).

So about once a week, he would walk in, and we would have this pickled pig foot/Bud Ice understanding. Other customers in line would lose their minds after seeing this deal go down. I'd throw the pigs feet in the woods out back where the stray cats would eat them. It was a whole ecosystem of fucking weirdness.

This went on for about 6 months before I eventually found another job. The guy was weird, but nice as could be. I called him Pig Foot Larry.


21/24. I worked third shift at a Sheetz. For those of you who don't know it's a gas station/convenience store/fast food place. On multiple occasions I have been cussed out because we discontinued pickle chips. I've had people tell me to fuck off, break things, demand to call corporate, etc. Drunk people love pickle chips.


22/24. Not a late night clerk as my store closes at 9, but some pretty strange things have happened. In no particular order.

- A woman tried to tell me that jesus could talk to her through her eyes and that we were all going to hell

- A man came in for no reason other than to take a defecate in Aisle 3

- Some guy tried to come in a steal cigarettes from behind our counter and may have gotten away with it if he had not then tried to buy cigarettes with the other ones stuffed down his shirt

- Two different people have tried to lock themselves in our bathroom and tell us that that was their home now

- Once a week someone will try to buy our entire cereal aisle, just pulling entire displays off the shelf and trying to do it as quickly as possible, like getting into a line is some sort of free pass and we have to let him buy the stuff.

- An ex-employee one time came back in after hours, as we were closing down stuff for the night and started to work. She was behind the deli-counter just cutting meat. Talking to invisible customers. We later found out she was high on pills.


23/24. One night I had a customer come in, clearly drunk, and ask where the bathrooms were. I directed him to the bathrooms, which were in the store, but he kept saying, "Oh okay, they're around the back?"

"No, they're right there."

"Okay, I'll go around back."

He left through the front door, I imagined he would just go on the side of the building, so not my problem anymore. Then I look up and he's behind the cash register looking for a toilet (I assume).

My co-worker left the back door unlocked. I was across the store stocking so I yelled to my co-worker to get him out. The drunk dude was nice enough about the mix up and pretended it was just a joke, then my co-worker guided him to the actual restrooms.

I started stocking near the restrooms to kind of keep an ear on him and from inside the restroom, I hear: "Ah shoot, I'm peeing everywhere!! I'm gonna pee on the sink, the toilet, and this hand dryer! ...I'm just kidding clerk guy, I'm only peeing in the toilet!" The guy came out and laughing so hard he was crying, then left after buying some Funyuns. He was laughing at himself the whole time on his way out, like he'd just pulled the funniest prank of his life.


24/24. I worked overnights in a beach town gas station/convenience store. It was notorious in the summer on Friday or Saturday night for the drunk people to come in and get food/drinks at 2-3 AM after last call at the beach bars. There was this group of girls that went out every weekend and came in every weekend. They always drove drunk (I didn't bother calling cops because they had a cop stationed on the road leaving Wawa. They got someone every night).

One night, they came in to get their sandwiches and cigarettes. While they were leaving, they crashed directly into one of the gas station islands. I ran outside to make sure they were alright. The driver started panicking and backed up to go around it and ended up crashing into it again. At this point I decide to go back inside because she was being way too reckless. Ended up knocking a gas pump over and driving away. Ending was rather anti-climatic, we knew who she was and had her make/model/licence. Cops ended up getting her.



Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.