24 People Were Asked: 'What's The Dumbest Customer Complaint You've Ever Received?'

People on Reddit were asked: "What is the dumbest customer complaint you've ever heard?" These are some of the best answers.

1/24 We ran out of medium sized fountain drink cups at the place I work at, so we were giving out large ones instead for the price of a medium. A lady flipped out and demanded that she get the drink for free since it wasn't the size that she wanted.


2/24 I had a woman yell at me, questioning why I had kicked her daughter out of the hot tub. I had to then explain to her, I had caught her daughter having sex with her bf. She just wont have any of it, "MY DAUGHTER IS A GOOD CHRISTIAN GIRL" at this point the whole building is watching her and my manager comes over and offers to let her watch the security footage of her daughter. Well she wouldn't have any of that and just stormed off.


3/24 Used to work at Starbucks. A lady ordered a mocha and I forgot to add the mocha syrup. Dumb mistake so I fixed it of course. She put it back on the bar a couple minutes later and said "It doesn't taste right, I want a new one." Okaaay I thought, don't know what else I can do, but sure ill make a new one. I get started on it and she goes to the restroom. She gets back from the restroom before I'm done making it but sees her old drink on the bar that I hadn't taken back yet and thinks its her new one. She looks at and says "ah, it looks better already!", takes a big drink and says "Now see, that's perfect" then leaves before I can tell her I didn't do a damned thing.


4/24 I worked at an Italian restaurant and received a complaint that we didn't have a burger and fries option on the menu.


5/24 I used to work at Tim Hortons throughout university. We had a guy come in once very angry because we fucked up his coffee when he came through the drive-thru. Instead of sweetener, we added sugar. This wouldn't have been a huge issue to fix and generally people are level-headed and realize that mistakes do happen. However, he was throwing a hissy fit claiming he'd a diabetic and that spoonful of sugar would have surely killed him had he ingested more than one gulp of the coffee.

Because he was freaking out like a rabid dog, my manager stepped in and offered him any other item on the menu for free (because he wouldn't accept just a redo of the coffee.) Buddy decides he wants a dozen donuts. No problem. I pack up the dozen, hand it to him. He then proceeds to eat not one, not two... but THREE lard-sugar-fat glazed donuts in front of my eyeballs even though he just claimed he was severely diabetic. SMH.


6/24 Jimmy John's worker here. One time a woman complained that we made her sandwich "much too fast" and refused to eat it.


7/24 Was managing a restaurant years ago, and a woman came in bitching that her 3 prime rib dinners she got take out last night, with baked potatoes, etc was disgusting, and made her whole family sick.

Hostess called me over, I verified what she said. Then had to inform her that we have never sold prime rib, or baked potatoes, and I was calling the police. Never seen someone run that fast in my life.


8/24 Work at gamestop, "I'm a huge gamer, I probably know more about any of these games than you; but I'd like to complain that you don't have any copies of Mario for the Xbox. Why can't you do your job and put the copies out here for us."


9/24 Working at a hardware store, overhear my manager and a little old ladies conversation an aisle over.

Manager: "Can I help you ma'am?"
Lady: "I hope so, you're all out of my size of air filter!"
Manager:" Which size was that ma'am?"
Lady: "10x20"
Manager: "Let me see here."

Manager looks around the shelf. "Here you go." Hands the Lady a 20"x10" air filter.
Lady: "I said I need 10"x20"!"

Manager keeps quiet, takes back air filter, holds it out in front of him, rotates it 90 degrees, and hands it back to her with a shit eating grin. Lady leaves in silence, with the 20"x10".


10/24 I once had a shareholder complain that they only got their quarterly statement every three months.


11/24 We had a sale on organic cabbage for 85 cent a pound, and a week later a woman came in claiming we had our cabbage on sale for 25 cents a pound but she had been charged 85 cents a pound. I told her it had been on sale for 85 cents a pound but I would call the produce department to find out for sure, and sure enough, it had been on sale for 85 cents a pound, and now it was about $1.79 a pound.

She wouldn't have it. She threw the biggest bitch fest ever! "Even if I'm wrong, you should give me a dollar back! The customer is always right!" And I'm just like, what? My assistant manager overhears her yelling (since the entire store could hear her yelling) and decides to appease her by giving her a dollar and a $10 gift card for her troubles. The assistant manager later tells me that no one should have a bad day over a dollar. You know, unless you're employed by the store.

Awarding bad behavior is ridiculous. I wish everyone would unite and not give in to the ridiculous demands given by terrible customers.


12/24 A guy accused me of harassing him because I kicked him out of the store after the third time he stole from us. He then called the cops...


13/24 I used to work at a lube oil change franchise, and we had some incredibly stupid people pull in. My favorite was The Chick With the Volvo. So, it was a slow day. We didn't have anything going on, and this woman pulls up in a fairly nice Volvo. She pulls up to a bay, we ask her what she wants, and she says an oil change. We get her info, take down the mileage (50,467, I will never forget that number), and pull her car into the bay while my manager talks up the extra services. She gets over the pit, I pop the hood and open the oil cap. Black, billowing smoke comes out.

I call down to my pit guy, ask him to pop the oil pan. He starts coughing. Black, billowing smoke comes up from the pit. I get my boss, and tell him we've got a problem. He comes out, sees the smoke, and says, "Don't touch a FUCKING THING." He walks back into the office, and I follow out of curiosity. He looks at the customer and says, "Ma'am, there seems to be a very serious issue with your car. You might want to get hold of whoever did your last oil change and get their info for a warranty claim. Who did your last oil change?"

This lady looks him square in the eye and says, "Nobody. This is my first scheduled oil change." We both stare at her in shock. She'd gone over FIFTY THOUSAND miles without an oil change. My boss stares at her some more while slowly trying to explain that cars are supposed to be serviced every 3k-5k miles. This lady starts screaming at him; who the hell does he think he is, he's not a mechanic (he's ASE certified powertrain and electrical), he ruined the car, it even says so in the owner's manual that it's every 50k!

Well now. So, we ask her to get the manual. She does, looking all smug, like, 'Now I've got these assholes,' written all over her face. She whips it open, looks for the maintenance schedule, and finds the part we're all waiting for. She's not letting us look at it yet, and we can tell reality hit her, because her face falls a bit. Then, she has the nerve to tell us that we're wrong anyway.

My boss looks at her and says, "Lady, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna pop the cap back on, and leave the FACTORY FILTER on your car. We're going to top off your washer fluid, and we're not going to charge you anything. Then, you can go down to the Volvo dealership and tell them what you did to their $55k paperweight, have a nice day, get out of my shop."

The kicker is, we got a call from the dealership a couple of days later, and the service writer is laughing his ass off. Says this really bitchy lady came in and complained that our shop had ruined her car. They took one look at it, figured out what happened, and said they were going to have to charge her for a crate engine. SHE BITCHED TO THE SERVICE MANAGER that they weren't going to cover it under warranty!


14/24 A woman bought a white shirt. She then spilled red soda onto the shirt. To fix the stain she used a tide-to-go pen. She rubbed so hard it tore a hole in the fabric. Her husband tried to return it after they stained and tore the garment claiming that it must have been a manufacturing problem. No. Sir. That's not how it works.


15/24 I work at a bank inside of a grocery store. The customer was very upset that they couldn't buy their toilet paper and Doritos at the teller window.


16/24 I used to work at Mikasa (back when they had actual stores). I'm ringing up a customer, she uses her 20% off any one full price item coupon that they mailed out when you're on the mailing list (the coupon value is important here).

Next woman comes up with a $2 thing from clearance and demands that I give her a coupon to use. I try to diffuse with 'if you sign up for the mailing list you'll get them pretty regularly' NO she wants THAT coupon and she wants it NOW for this item. I try to explain that I cannot rescan that coupon (or pull it out of the drawer) AND she can't use it on her purchase anyway since it's for a regular price item, not clearance.

She loses it, starts yelling at me that she's going to get my ass fired, she'll have everyone in the store out of a job, she's going to have the whole operation shut down (over 40 fucking cents, just let that be known, this is happening because I'm denying her a whopping 40 cents off her 2 DOLLAR item). I try to explain that I can't give her the coupon, I can't I don't have the power to, I'm just a cashier (though I was seriously tempted to just pay for the fucking thing myself if it would make her leave). She is still fucking losing it, her friend is pretending she doesn't know her. My manager comes over and gives the lady the senior discount of 10% knocking a whopping 20 cents off her massive purchase, she smiles smugly at me and goes "SEE I always win" Okay lady get down with your bad self, you just accosted a minimum wage employee over 20 cents and look like a crazy ass to everyone in a crowded store...yep you're the winner here.


17/24 During [the] NHL lockout, a customer was receiving no NHL scores (because there were no games) and demanded that we "unlock" the NHL.


18/24 I once managed the front desk of a recreational center, and this one parent yelled at me for a class starting without their kid. They were 15 minutes late. I hate parents...


19/24 The opening of Tropic Thunder had a bunch of fake commercials. Keep this in mind.

One lady came out of the movie, furious, wanting to talk to a manager. Not knowing the problem, and not wishing to get yelled at, we quickly called one over and hid off in a corner where we could hear the conversation (like responsible employees). Somewhere along the line we hear something about an offensive commercial for a product that YOU sell in your concession stand..." "..black girls half naked shoving their booties in my face.." "..pussy dripping to the floor.." The manager was a little confused, and asked her the name of the product. "Bust-a-nut Bar! I can't believe you'd sponsor such filth to be sold." We all burst out laughing.


20/24 I work at a library. Patron comes in and knocks books off their shelves. Turn to me and says "PICK THEM UP! I PAY YOUR SALARY!"


21/24 When I was in high school I worked at a video rental place. I actually really liked working there; my coworkers were fun and I got free movie rentals. One day, a woman came in fuming over a dvd she had rented. It was porn. I got really worried at first, because we had a problem with teenagers putting the adult rentals behind movies in the kid's section.

She told me she was really offended by what she rented. I said, "I'm so sorry, what did you intend to rent?" Thinking maybe she wanted the Brave Little Toaster and ended up with Horny Backdoor College Sluts 18 and her six year old had been traumatized. Nope. It turns out that she had rented something with white men and black women. She had actually wanted black men and white women. I was going to ignore her weird racial (possibly racist) fetish and just let her exchange the movie when I figured out that it was a week overdue.

I told her I would waive the late fee but she would have to pay to rent another movie. She started freaking out about how disgusting the porn she rented was. Luckily there wasn't anyone else in the store at the time because she totally dropped the N word when referring to the women in the film. Finally I just told her she could call and speak to the owner later and suggested she try the internet for her future pornography needs.


22/24 Worked in a sandwich/wing place several years ago. Had a woman order hot wings for delivery. After they were delivered, she called raging that "those hot wings made her baby cry!" The manager politely offered to send her mild instead...


23/24 I work in a burger joint. One particular evening I had a table of college kids. Pretty standard for a Friday night. Anyways, I take their order. Very simple. Single no tomato, double with cheese add pickle, large fry, few shakes. Lastly a blonde girl orders one of our specialty burgers, the 'portobello and swiss'. A while later I get the food dropped off and when I'm checking back on them the blonde, visibly upset, is demanding a different sandwich. I ask if there's something wrong and she tells me her burger has mushrooms on it.


24/24 I used to work security at a casino and a man and woman came up to me and told me there was a man following them. I asked if they knew him and they replied, "Yeah he's the loan shark we borrowed $2500 from 2 weeks ago". Needless to say they were escorted safely to their car then barred for a year.



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Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.