25 Embarrassed People Confess The Most Horrific Thing They've Ever Done In Public.
People on Reddit were asked: "What's is the most horrific thing you have done in public?" These are some of the best answers.
1/25 I accidentally crushed a pigeon underneath my foot in front of a bunch of small children when I was younger. They called me a murderer and I agreed.
2/25 When I was pregnant I went to the mall and got a horrible case of morning sickness. It hit really suddenly so I stopped at one of those kiosks in the walkway and threw up in their trashcan. As I was throwing up my child decided to kick me in the bladder, making me piss myself.
That was a fun day.
3/25 I had just got my first job, and wanted to eat there with a friend. We walked a mile and a half, and both ate this breaded hot dog covered in melted cheese monstrosity before heading back home. Almost back home and my friend is urging me to walk faster because he's going to sh*t himself and out of nowhere I start barfing. It's a busy intersection, and I'm compelled to keep pace with my friend, who's moving faster and faster towards my house. I threw up 5 times in under a minute at a mild jog with people gasping in their cars as they watch me. He's grabbing his a** as he runs, I'm 20 feet behind ralphing everywhere. It would have been weird to see.
4/25 I used to drive a school bus, and more than once I had close calls with #2. You don't realize how few places allow the public to rush in and take a dump. And how few of those have parking lots big enough to easily accommodate a school bus. Best option: grocery stores.
There was one time I didn't make it, and knew I wasn't going to, because I still had a few kids left to drop off. After dropping off the last one, I pulled down a mostly quiet side street, grabbed a ziploc bag, and did the best I could. Squatting in the aisle. Not my proudest moment.
5/25 Accidentally wore pajama pants under my jeans in maybe 3rd grade, had the sh*ts real bad (still recovering from diarrhea), went to the bathroom, pulled off my jeans, didn't notice that my pajamas were on underneath cause I was in such a rush, unleashed the kraken. Bad times were had.
6/25 I was 7 months pregnant with my first. And my boyfriend (now Husband) and I go to the Olive Garden (nothing like bread sticks) for [dinner]. So I stuff myself with food and we leave. We get about 15 minutes from home and I turn to my boyfriend and I am like "I really have to go to the bathroom". Meanwhile I have this kid kicking me in every organ inside my body including my bowels and bladder (being pregnant is great). My boyfriend is like ok let's take the scenic route I look at him like I am going to cut him and tell him to get home. This f*cker takes the long way home and is laughing like it is funny that I am about to sh*t myself. So I get out of the car into a standing position and it happens.
With one swift kick from the inside I lose my sh*t. As I waddle up the stairs crying my boyfriend is asking what is wrong. So I do the only thing that a loving pregnant girlfriend would do. I drop my underwear full of sh*t on the balcony (I was wearing a dress). The look of horror on his face was worth it. He learned a lesson that day :) Sh*t happens
7/25 A red pen exploded all over my WHITE shorts in middle school. Period jokes ensued for that entire day and the rest of the year.
8/25 This one time I had to sh*t so bad that my balls were hurting from having to clench my butt cheeks so hard. I was in the mall and couldn't remember where the bathrooms were so I went from one end to the other trying to find somewhere to sh*t. I finally find one right as the turd is poking out and as soon as I pull down my pants, it rockets out (solid turd) and sits on the edge of the seat like a soggy cigar dangling its feet on the beaches of sh*tville's coast. I didn't know what to do so I just wiped, ran out and hoped the janitor wasn't too angry.
9/25 I once threw up on a baby.
10/25 I had a miscarriage and, usually, a woman should not expect her next period for at least six weeks afterward. So 3.5 weeks after the miscarriage, getting my period was the last thing on my mind. Anyway, my husband took me to a cycling store to look at some nice bikes since we are planning on getting back into cycling this summer. After talking to the sales rep, he offers to size me on a Madone 3.1. Why the hell not? I haven't been on a bike in a long time so what's the harm in getting to ride a beautiful piece of bike engineering?
So we do the sizing, which takes about 30 minutes, and though I agree with him that it feels wonderful, I insist that I cannot afford a $3,000 bike on a PhD student's salary. So I swing off the bike to go collect my husband.
My blood freezes, I go pale and wobbly. My stomach starts to crawl up my throat. There on the white saddle of a Trek Madone 3.1 is a fresh red-brown smudge. Did he see?? Is he going to make me clean it? Should I offer to clean it? Can we afford to replace the seat?? I looked back at the sales rep - he doesn't seem to look uncomfortable so perhaps he hasn't noticed. While pointing over at a beautiful Cervelo, I furiously try to wipe the seat clean with my sleeve. Heh, it's the least I can do.
As the sales rep goes over to the Cervelo, I grab my husband by the arm, inform him that we are leaving the store immediately and that we can never go back.
11/25 I sh*t myself in kindergarten and my dad hosed me off in the yard. I must have looked like Farva getting scrubbed down.
12/25 I sha* myself one cold winter's evening, on my way to a nightclub. My best mate and I were walking down to the club, which is about a mile and a half away from where we lived. It was a pretty cold and frosty evening, as we got close I figured there'd be a bit of a queue and it'd be worthwhile nipping into a dark corner and having a piss.
I duck in to an alleyway and start to piss. Out of nowhere and with no warning I just eject a stream of hot liquid sh*t all down the back of my legs. I was wearing beige/khaki combats, and I'm fairly sure I was steaming gently.
There's basically f*ck all I can do now. I am as far from my house as I was going to get that evening. I just walk out, tell my mate I've got to go home, and proceed to waddle the 1.5 miles home trying to stay far enough away from people that they won't notice the brown streak/smell/steam. I actually ended up getting home, cleaning myself up and having a bath, got changed and went back out but I couldn't really salvage the evening.
13/25 Pissed myself in an assembly at primary school. The headmaster was handing out detentions to those who went during the assembly.
14/25 When I was 18 (I'm 19 now so still horribly scarred) I gave an impromptu speech to my two best friends at their graduation party in front of about fifty people. I stood up and started speaking but stopped when my cheeks starting SPAZZZZZZING out, I mean violently shaking up and down to the point where people who weren't even that close could see. It made my nerves even worse and I kept saying EMBARRASSING things like, "Oh my god why are my cheeks shaking," as people laughed around me. I couldn't even really continue because they were spazzing so hard I couldn't talk. My friends dad walked up to me and jokingly started massaging my cheeks, took the mic from me, and told me to finish sitting down, which I somehow managed to do.
Pretty much ruined my already very nonexistent self-confidence when it comes to public speaking.
15/25 Christmas Day, two years ago, all dressed up, ready to go out with my family to a nice restaurant for an early dinner. My stomach is upset from overindulging on eggnog the night before, but I'm doing okay. I'm the first one out the door and the step is icy, I slip on the stairs, and onto the snowy lawn, having sha* myself. My skirt has offered no protection and there is a sh*t splatter over the pristine snow. My family is laughing at me. I get up, go back inside, take a shower and get in my pajamas.
I didn't need Christmas anyway.
16/25 I got super drunk at a football game and went to the bathroom. I was so relieved until I looked down and realized I didn't whip my dick out. My pants were soaked with piss and I was too drunk to be embarrassed about it.
17/25 I once bought new pants and they were a bit too long, but I thought they were great so I wore them any way. Went to school, tripped on the bottom of my pants, fall up the stairs, and being so scared that I fell, I sh*t my self. I was 16 and had to tell the secretary why I was going home...could not have been worse.
18/25 I had spent a long night drinking more booze than I thought was possible for a single human being to drink. A good, drunken time was had by all, and I happily barfed on the floor before being dragged to my hotel room and tossed in to bed by concerned partygoers at 4 in the morning. My morning wake up call came at about 10am and I was told that we would be heading to Waffle House post haste, and to prepare myself for cheap breakfast food. Yummy.
I showered, dressed and went downstairs and joined my group to go to Waffle House, where I ordered up a big, greasy hangover curing meal when the urge to urinate hit me. No problem! I got up and walked, still half-drunk, to the lockable, single-person-at-a-time bathroom, entered it and began to do my business. I had been saving up what I thought was a fart and let it fly in the comfortable privacy of the Waffle House bathroom. Big mistake.
What I thought was a methane deposit that could power a small city for a week turned out to be pure, vile liquid that rocketed out of my a** like a chunky geyser, which snaked its way down the backs of my legs and eventually reached my socks before I, dumbfounded, could think in any way about what just happened. F*ck. I just sh*t my pants at Waffle House while taking a leak.
Pants came off in a panic - nothing on them, miraculously, and so I placed them somewhere relatively safe and focused on the matter at hand. Nothing on the shoes, either, thanks to the buffer that the socks had created between them and the source of the brown jelly streaming down my legs. They came off. That left me with soiled boxers and socks. The boxers went right in to the trash can, never to be seen again, having died a heroic death in the process of saving my pants from soiling.
That's when I noticed that there was no toilet paper in this little hellhole. Plan B: Wipe with paper towels. No paper towels, either? Well, this just got interesting. I looked down and grunted; my socks were still relatively clean where I hadn't sha* upon them, and were the only thing I could resort to without going out of that toilet shirtless. I used them, with great shame, to clean up the mess I had made upon myself and they joined my boxers in the grave.
Pants and shoes back on, no underwear or socks, I thought the battle was over. I didn't smell bad to the best of my knowledge, but I felt in desperate need of a long shower. The best I could do in the toilet was wash my hands before departing and finish my breakfast. As one last, big "f*ck you" to my sense of well-being, it turned out that there was no soap in this bathroom, either, and I briefly wondered how the employees cleaned up after touching their dicks. I used the hottest water I could stand and scrubbed for a few minutes without soap before returning to my seat, my friends none the wiser. Needless to say, I did not eat any more of my food.
19/25 When I was six, I threw up on the teacher's feet while she was wearing socks and sandals. She was a very nice lady about it.
20/25 I asked a girl from school out once. We had taken the train into the city and were hanging out with friends in a park. Felt a huge fart brewing, so, being on my best behaviour, I unobtrusively moved away from the group to let it rip. Did that bit where you clench your teeth and screw your eyes up as you get ready to let loose something major, and away I went. Except I was horrified to hear no sound at all, and instead just felt buckets of wet warmth inside my jeans.
After a few panic-stricken seconds frozen to the spot, during which I had time to stress to myself very forcefully that this was an extremely bad situation, I snuck off to the toilets. Used rolls and rolls of toilet paper trying to clean up but there was absolutely no salvaging the situation. Went back to the group in a somewhat chastened mood, and announced, while keeping my distance, that I wasn't feeling good and would get the train home. Now, just at the point where I thought it would be impossible for the day to get any worse, the girl I had asked out got up and said she was tired too, and that she would be coming back on the train with me. It was 50 minute trip in a crowded carriage.
21/25 When I was like 7 I sneezed in church and it made me fart at the same time and it was during a silent prayer part and EVERYONE in the damn church started laughing. Obviously, at the ripe old age of 18, I am still scarred.
22/25 I was drinking at a friends house and decided to stay the night there. We were all kind of bunked up in the spare room and I was on the floor. I'm laying on my back and had just finished the last of the vodka (mixed with oj & gatorade) with a friend while we were talking as I started to doze off. I had just gotten over a sinus infection so I had a lot of drainage until I projectile vomited a green snot and vodka mixture into the air and straight back into my face. The incident was referred to as "AC slime". God it burned my eyes.
23/25 I was on my way home on the subway and realized I will not make it. So I got off and tried to find an empty corner to take that stupid sh*t. But I couldn't find one and my body just gave up. I felt my undies fill with hot stinky liquid and felt it running down my leg. Finally I found an empty little road, let down my pants and let the rest get out.
Best part: I had my dog with me and she tried to eat it.
24/25 I went to Catholic mass with my grandma and mom the morning after a night of heavy drinking. I was feeling nauseated during the service, but it wasn't until the last few minutes I knew I was going to vomit. There were no bathrooms in the building so I had to go outside and vomit right outside the church. People were arriving for the next mass, watching me throw up in the grass. Made my grandma and mom really proud that day.
25/25 Danced at my buddies wedding. They pulled me into circle to show off my moves. I just closed my eyes and did whatever I had to do to get through it. I think I was somewhere between Elaine's kicking dance from Seinfeld and the Russian Cossack dance. I live in fear that there is a video of it somewhere.
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked: