25 Of The Best Ways To Subtly Mess With People While In A Crowded Elevator.
Ah, a small space with lots of people. I smell an opportune moment for a good joke or two. Here, 25 people share the best way you can subtly mess with people while standing on a crowded elevator.
1/25. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
2/25. When I am in an elevator with my wife and other strangers are in with us, I lean over toward her and say: "do you think your husband knows about us?"
3/25. I got on an elevator with my buddy. He says, "Sure I'll take your case, but you've got to tell me, why you killed him? . And then I calmly said, "Cause he was staring at the back of my head."
4/25. I like to turn towards the back of the elevator facing everyone. When I'm with my friends I insist we all do this, that way when people come in they're torn between being the only one facing forward and joining us facing backwards.
5/25. I always ask someone to push "Floor 15 please" when there are only 14 floors or one more than the total. Most try to find it, look at me strangely, and then realize what I did. Works every time.
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6/25. I work in maintenance. Yesterday I asked an old lady cleaner I'm familiar with if she was going to "get on the elevator with me." She said, "No honey, but one day we will get on together" to which I quipped, "and then we'll get off together." I could hear her laughing three floors below.
7/25. "I feel like I've got to know you all on so many different levels."
Or, turn to a coworker and say, "I'm ready to take us to the next level if you are." Then press one of the floor buttons.
8/25. *Ok, I have a knock-knock joke but you have to start it.
-Ok, knock knock.
And proceed to wait for the awkward silence.
9/25. My best friend (a completely normal looking dude) and I were in a crowded elevator and I said to him, "I just can't get over how different you look in men's clothing" and everyone lost it.
10/25. Get on a crowded elevator, say when everyone is getting off work in an office building. You press two buttons for two different floors, each 1 floor apart.
Now, everyone stands facing the front of the car. You stand with your back to the doors, facing back towards the others. Breath heavily, and attempt to make eye contact with someone. Anyone. Anytime someone makes eye contact, you begin to giggle wildly. (continued)
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When the elevator comes to the first of your 2 floors, get off and immediately run down the stairs.
As soon as the doors close, everyone is going to start talking about the weird guy, guaranteed. Meanwhile, you run down 2 flights of stairs so that you're waiting when the elevator arrives and the doors open. Step onto the elevator immediately and say, "I heard you all talking about me!"
11/25. When you walk out, say: See you later, elevator!
12/25. Into your cell phone, "So exactly HOW contagious are we talking?...really...seriously?...I'm just on an elevator...of course there are other people on board...<cover mouth with shirt>. Done. What now?...could you push (next floor)?
13/25. When you get off and someone else is getting on, look them in the eye and say, "You're in charge until I get back!"
14/25. If it's just you and another person look at them, raise your eyebrows, and say, "First day of parole, then stare at them.
15/25. Without actually farting, mumble quietly to yourself, "Thats gonna smell."
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16/25. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
17/25. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
18/25. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
19/25. I work in an underground mine and ride a large elevator every day. The capacity of the deck is 30 people, but they always cram more than that in. When we're crowded in I like to say, " Of all the times to get an erection."
20/25. Here's a story I read about Alfred Hitchock:
My own favorite memory of Hitchcock comes from an incident at the St. Regis Hotel in New York in 1964. After some frozen daiquiris had left me a bit tipsy and Hitch quite red-faced and cheerful, we got on the elevator at the 25th floor and rode in silence to the 19th, where, when three people dressed for the evening entered, he suddenly turned to me and said, ''Well, it was quite shocking, I must say there was blood everywhere!'' I was confused, thinking that because of the daiquiris I'd missed something, but he just went right on: ''There was a stream of blood coming from his ear and another from his mouth.'' (continued)
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Of course, everyone in the elevator had recognized him but no one looked over. Two more people from the 19th floor entered as he continued: ''Of course, there was a huge pool of blood on the floor and his clothes were splattered with it. Oh! It was a horrible mess. Well, you can imagine . . .''
It felt as if no one in the elevator, including me, was breathing. He now glanced at me, I nodded dumbly, and he resumed: ''Blood all around! Well, I looked at the poor fellow and I said, 'Good God, man, what's happened to you?'' And then, just as the elevator doors opened onto the lobby, Hitchcock said, ''And do you know what he told me?'' and paused. With reluctance, the passengers now all moved out of the elevator and looked anxiously at the director as we passed them in silence.
After a few foggy moments, I asked, ''So what did he say?'' And Hitch smiled beatifically and answered, ''Oh, nothing -- that's just my elevator story.'
21/25. Say, "I'm sure you're all wondering why I brought you here today."
22/25. When it's crowded, I usually say: " I just want to say that I feel really close to you guys. "
23/25. I was staying in a luxury hotel in Mexico City while Arnold Shwarzenegger was filming Total Recall at the nearby studios. He got in the Elevator with small entourage a couple of floors below me, then a young woman joined us. As she entered she asked," Going down?" To which he replied, " If you insist." We all laughed politely, but he laughed longest and loudest. He was still laughing at his own joke as we got to the lobby. Kind of made me love him more.
24/25. Only works when someone holds the door for you, best results are in a full elevator. As soon as the door shuts.
"Thanks, I don't think I could have held that fart for the next one."
25/25. Quietly whisper to yourself, "I only associate with people on my floor...does that make me a florist?"
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Thanks to Redditor BurningDruid13, we have some answers to the following question: "Have you ever quit a job, without another lined up, for your mental health? How did it turn out?"