25 Regretful People Share The Stupidest Thing They’ve Ever Said To A Police Officer.

When we're young, or even when we're older, circumstances can make us say things we don't want to...even to the police.

Below are 25 unbelievable stories of people who said ridiculous things to the police. Check them out!

1. Throwing party in my dorm room in college. Everyone in attendance was underage. Two cops knock on the door; one male, one female. They end up being pretty nice and explain they got a noise complaint and will trust us to shut it down. As they were about to leave I asked the lady cop, "aren't you going to pat me down officer?"

Got a ticket.


2. I was pulled over 2 weeks after passing my test, the policeman asked me to wind down my window. I did. He then aggressively asked me 'what is it outside?!' I didn't know what he was getting at, so i replied 'cold?'.. he shook his head and said 'no, dark, now turn your lights on'.


3. It was December 31, 1999. A friend and I thought we were so slick. We were standing by an ATM at the stroke of midnight. We thought that the Y2K virus was going to cause the ATMs to just start spitting money out. Right before midnight, a police officer, seeing us in our all-black garb, asked what we were doing. When we told him, he started laughing and told us he'd split the money three ways with us if it started shooting out. Sadly, none of us made any extra money that night.


4. "I haven't been pulled over in years!"

"You got a ticket this morning!"

"Uh... I didn't think that would be in the system so soon."


5. A few years back my mate and I were walking down the street towards the bars in our town (rural Australia).. we were drinking from a plastic bottle filled with vodka and juice which isn't legal here and the police drove past us. I quickly threw the bottle in the bin but they saw us and pulled over..

They two officers (one female one male) were taking down our details and we were drunkenly trying to get out the fine. I said 'We'll do anything to get out of this.' She replied 'Oh yeah? Like what?' Then I blurted out 'dance for you?'

My mate and I then proceeded to do about 30 seconds of the choreography to Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' on the street, magnificently lit by their patrol car headlights.

It worked, no fine.


6. So, I was delivering booze to a friend's place as he was having a drunken party and I thought i'd be nice. Anyway, his buddy spills a half a tumbler of scotch down my shirt.

I had to get to work so I take off and hit one of those drinking and driving stops.

Of course the cop is like "Whew, and how much have you had to drink?"

Me: "Nothing, my friend spilled scotch on me"

Cop: "Uh huh"

ME: "Fine, Blow me. You'll find the truth"

(Continued on the next page)

Keep going for this story!

Cop: "Excuse me!?"

Me, thinking: "Annnd, this is how I go to Jail"

Me: "OH! Nononono. I mean, Blow me, the thing, the straw you blow into"

Cop proceeds to laugh, gives me a breath test and I blow 0.0.

On with my day.


7. "Hey there officer sexy why don't you use those handcuffs on me" with a comically big wink and an air kiss.

The officer I was talking to was my husband. His partner didn't know I was his wife he just thought I was some drunk chick. He tried to start questioning me as to how drunk I was and was apparently ready to arrest me for public drunkenness but my husband gave me a little side hug and a kiss on the cheek. The look on his partners face was just pure disbelief until we explained.


8. He asked was there a reason I was speeding? I said yes. He asked what was it? I said I like speeding.


9. "May I scratch my nose on Mr. Smiths shoulder?"

I was handcuffed. My nose itched like hell.

I was allowed to.


10. Got caught having sex in my Jeep in a restaurant parking lot. Told officer "but she's so hot". Officer responded " That's not a valid excuse".


11. Makes me sniff a joint

"Doesn't smell like any weed I've ever smoked."


12. When I was 19 me and buddies were all out on an all out drinking bender. We had a designated driver.

It's about 3am and we're all slammed drunk. Cop pulls us over for going 10mph over the speed limit. Cop walks up to car and immediately says, "I smell alcohol"

He asks everyone for their id's. I hand him mine, to which he is quick to hand it back. "Sir, that is your debit card". I immediately start laughing because I knew at that moment it was a guarantee I was going to the drunk tank for under age drinking (I was right).


13. Not a police officer, but I once said this to a security guard who was searching our car:

"Don't worry I don't do drugs. I am drugs."


14. "Oink"

He told me to stop being a stupid drunk 16 year old and to go home. He was right.


15. So I was speeding (and I mean speeding) home one day when I see the red and blue in my rearview mirror. Stopped, cop did the walk, asked me why I was speeding, but was too nervous to say anything to the cop, and just kept shifting in my seat. Naturally, the cop thinks something's up, so he has me get out of the car and proceeds to frisk me. I'm clenching my starfish as hard as I can, and he takes this as an omission that I'm hiding drugs or something. So he gloves up while he partner watches, and proceeds to give me a cavity search after I utterly begged him not to, which of course just eggs him on to doing it, thinking he's going to score.

He did and....oh, so the reason I was speeding home and was acting all nervous was because halfway home, I felt that I had a massive, uh, movement about to happen and not the solid type either. This was back when I was a shy pooper, so I felt totally embarrassed at telling the cop this. Felt even worse when he shoved that finger up there and it released the floodgates. I proceeded to take a giant, liquidy crap all over his hand, his arm, pants, and right boot. Finger cop starts vomiting, his partner is laughing his butt off, and I'm so embarrassed that I wish they'd just police brutality me and shoot me. After finger cop cools down, and I explain the situation to them of just why I was speeding due to this, I was allowed to leave and go home, strangely ticketless and even more strangely I was semi-cured of my shy pooping nature.

So I guess I didn't really say anything, but I was stupid in not saying something.


16. Can I pet your horse?

(To the mounted police officer at Mardi Gras, 2014)


17. I was smashed, waiting for a bus. I wasn't making a scene, I was just visibly wasted, I could barely sit straight.

So while I'm sitting there, kinda zoning out, two cops approach me and ask me for ID, which I somehow manage to find and show them. Then they started asking me what I was on, to which I responded "nothing, I'm just really, reallydrunk".

They keep pressing and yelling, they were furious for some reason, I guess because I was barely coherent, when one of them gets in my face and screams "WHAT DID YOU TAKE", to which I respond "ETHANOL".


18. Semi-Drunk me being escorted out of a bar by an officer at 21: "well, going to exercise my second amendment right and tell you to piss off.

Cop as he begins to cuff me: "Idiot, that's the 3rd amendment"

My sober friend walking with us: "actually it's the first amendment"


19. "Can i reach in my pocket to grab a smoke?" Police. "No". Did it anyway and got the tazor.


20. I was driving Uber in an unfamiliar town, and at about 3 am, I asked an officer if there were any good doughnut shops nearby. "Did you really just ask me that?" "Uhhh, that Starbucks is closed and I need coffee... Oh my god" (as I realized the implication) In the end we had a good laugh and he lead me to an open coffee shop.


21. "Yo, James, hide the weed!" Was in a field playing football(soccer) and thought it would be funny to shout this directed towards an alley way, as it turns out, it's not that funny. Got arrested.


22. I was a scared 16 year old kid. I went the wrong way down a one way street. Saw that the road became a two way just a block ahead by the time I realized it was a one way street, so I kept going instead of trying to turn around illegally.

Cop was at the intersection I went through, pulled me over. Scared the CRAP out of me, yelling at me about the Red light I ran.

The stupidest thing I TRIED to say to a cop was that I was going the wrong way down a one way.

He told me to shut up when I started talking and came back with a very big ticket.

I thought it through and went and took pictures of the intersection. See, what I was ticketed for was running a red light.

There are no red lights the wrong way down a one way street. Think about it. That would be crazy.

So I went to Court to contest my ticket. I wore a suit, was respectful, and when the Judge asked almost sarcastically while looking at my particular info "So you're going to tell me you didn't do it or something, huh?" I told him "Actually, sir, yes. Because it's impossible to run a red light that isn't there."

That got his interest, and he made eye contact. He sat up a little bit and asked what I meant.

I told him about there not being a red light the wrong way down a one way street. I asked if I could present the pictures, which the Bailiff brought up. He laughed while looking at them, which included the street corners and enough surroundings to prove it was in fact the cross streets mentioned.

I told the Judge that I was apologizing to the Officer and trying to tell him about the 'wrong way down a one way' but got told to shut up and wasn't able to explain.

The judge laughed again and said "well, he would have cited you for the right thing if he had just listened, but I can't cite you. Clearly you didn't run a red light." And he dismissed it. I only had to pay the court filing fee of 25 bucks.



23. I was perched on some traffic lights waiting from some friends when a policeman asked "would you like to get down from there?" and I said "not really"

Apparently sometimes people use rhetorical questions and don't really want the answer. Life can be fun sometimes.


24. He wasn't a cop but this is kind of in the same vein - I was buying a gun and had to fill out the application on a touch screen they had. One of the questions was "are you now or have you ever been a fugitive from the law". I looked up to the man selling the gun and after I read the question aloud I said "who in their right mind would answer yes to that?"

I thought it was funny but he looked at me coldly and said "you are seriously jeopardizing your ability to purchase this weapon".


25. I didn't say it, my old roommate did, but it got me arrested.

He was in my passenger seat and we were getting pulled over for speeding. We had like A bowls worth of weed on us, seriously like a 0.2g nug in a Tylenol bottle in his pocket. He was a goody-goody type and had never had a run in with the law, so he immediately starts to freak out. I look over and he asks what to do, I say "Screw it, it's like a bowl just eat it."

He opens the pill bottle and the smell instantly fills the car. Hadn't planned on that. So I crack the windows and broke a cigarette in half and put it in my mouth to light and cover the smell. (Broke it shorter so when I lit it, it would appear I had been smoking it and hadn't just lit it then. Genius move, really.) But I can't find a lighter to save my life. Fumbling around in the floorboards I finally felt one, but the second I grabbed it he was knocking on my window. Roll the window down, "do you know why I stopped you?", blahblahblah... As I'm reaching into my glovebox for my registration and stuff, he says "Son, do I smell marijuana?".

"I don't know why you would, sir"

"You don't have any marijuana in the car?"

"No sir, we do not."

"So if I bring the dogs out here they're not gunna find anything?"

"Go ahead but you're wasting your time"

This goes on for probably 10 minutes before my roommate who was still freaking out, decides to chime in with

"Sir, we had some weed, but we just smoked it. It's all gone"

I looked over at him with a kind of "what the heck?" And kind of "I hate you" look


"Driver step out of the car please"

Was told by the officer I actually passed the road side tests, but my buddy already admitted to smoking. (So why give me the test?) So he kindly transported me to a hospital where they took my blood for testing.

Boom. OWI under the influence of marijuana. Thanks Tim.


Continued on the NEXT PAGE!

26. I actually ordered two cops to move their vehicles as they were blocking an entry to my site. Were I not on the job, they'd probably have ignored me.


27. My favorite interaction with a cop that was just the normal routine was back when I was 21 or 22.

I went out with friends for a tour of drinking on a Saturday. Started with a baseball game then walked around to a handful of bars so we spent about 8-9 hours getting trashed. This was the plan. It was a good plan. Part of this plan was for friends to come pick me up at the end of the night because the people I was hanging out with had plans and I knew I was going too be too drunk even for drunk driving.

Bars close, downtown is empty, nothing is open at 3:30am. So I wander around, waiting for my ride, and I have to piss BAD. Nowhere is open and no one is around so in my infinite inebriated wisdom I decide to just piss on the sidewalk next to the street. Not even 5 seconds into my piss there's a spotlight on me and a cop getting out of the car.

Cop: "What in the hell do you think you're doing?" Me: "Peeing." Cop: "Come on over here." Me: "I have to finish first." Cop waits surprisingly patiently, I make race horse pissing look like a leaky faucet

The cop then proceeds to tell me all the charges I could get for pissing in public and asks me what I was thinking. I told him my master plan of getting drunk all night, then waiting for a ride. My friends were late. Public intoxication wasn't part of the plan. Neither was pissing by police spotlight.


28. Cop pulled me over because I had a tail light out. He asked where I was coming from. I said I was returning from a friend's house on xyz street. I looked at his badge and saw that he was the father of one of the girl's that was at the same party I was coming from. I said yeah I saw Sarah there. She looked like she was having fun. The cop just gave me a look and said, "Get that light fixed" and he zoomed past me and made a U-Turn to head to the party. I guess he didn't know he daughter was going there. \_()_/



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You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, or so the saying goes.

The same can be said for your interactions with cops, most of whom are perfectly happy to let minor infractions slide––When was the last time you were actually ticketed for jaywalking?––provided you're not a total Karen should you interact them.

Your local police officer likely doesn't care about jaywalking or the fact that you went five miles over the speed limit unless you give him a reason to, as we learned when Redditor Takdel asked police officers: "What stupid law have you enforced just because someone was an a-hole?"

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