26 Married Folk Share The Creepiest Thing Their Spouse Said Or Did.
When you're married for a long time, creepy things are bound to happen.
Below are 26 stories of the creepiest things a significant other did to their spouse.
1. My wife will hide for quite a while to scare the crap out of me; I mean 10-20 minutes to catch me off guard. For awhile it happened when I got out of the shower.
It got so bad that I would creep out of the shower and look for her all over the house in nothing but a towel and a judo pose. There were a few times where I actually searched all over the house for what seemed like eternity only to find out she had left to go shopping.
2. Sometimes when I shower I open my eyes to find my husband peeking through the shower curtain staring at me. Always creeps me out, but I think that is why he does it.
3. My wife waits at the bathroom door in silence when I'm pooping and when I open the door she gets on her hands and knees and barks like a dog. Scares the crap out of me every time.
4. Had a friend my wife HATED. (Later I'd learn to hate him too) So after a few months of her nagging me, one day I called her up pretending to sob, and told her, "Babe, Rudy died, I gave him some money to get some ganja, but the deal went wrong, now the cops want to talk to me, I'm scared, I don't know what to do."
I kept it up for a good 3 or 4 months. She had no idea that I made the whole story up. Occasionally we'd be riding in the car and I'd do the 1000 mile stare. "What's wrong babe?" she'd ask. "I just can't believe Rudy is dead." She'd rub my shoulders a bit and tell me it's OK, it wasn't my fault.
I thought it was time to bring Rudy in on the joke. So one day we "randomly" bumped into him. Wife gets a look on her face like she saw a ghost. "What's wrong babe?" Rudy comes up and starts talking to her... (Continued).
"YOU JERK, YOU TOLD ME HE WAS DEAD!" I started looking at her all puzzled. "What are you talking about?" Rudy says, "He can't hear or see me" "TOQER CAN'T YOU SEE HIM? HE'S STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF US!!"
"You ok babe? We better go home, you're seeing things"
I finally caved in and let her in on the joke. One of my best.
5. My wife has muttered in her sleep before. Nothing very intelligible. But one night about a year ago I came in after she was already asleep, and started getting undressed.
"Hi honey!" she says in the cheeriest, most awake voice you can imagine. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't faintly hoped, at this point, that I might be about to get lucky.
"Hi? What are you still doing awake? It's after midnight."
No answer. I put on my pajamas.
"Honey?" she says, as if to get my attention.
"You're gonna burn..."
I slept with one eye open that night. She did not remember in the morning.
6. Before we started dating, my wife stalked me. Once, she called me at 1:00AM, saying that she just happened to be on my street and found a lost dog, knowing full damned well that I have a soft spot for strays. When I came outside, she said the dog ran away, and we spent the next two hours trying to track it down. I'm starting to think that there was never a dog.
7. My ex-husband would get in the shower with me, just so that he could pee on me. He thought that it was really funny, I was just grossed out. After yelling at him for it, he stopped for a while and then would try to be sneaky and pee on me when I had my eyes closed to rinse out my hair.
It was super gross, and he would always do this creepy giggle when he did it.
8. I woke up around 3AM after having a nightmare about a ghost. I woke my SO for comfort, but he turned to me and said, totally serious: (Continued)
"There are no such things as ghosts, just giant mothmen that take you away while you're sleeping." He remembered nothing the next morning.
9. My boyfriend of 5 years is completely normal and I'm the creepy weirdo. I've told this story before but i'll say it again.
I sleep talk and walk. One night i turned over to my boyfriend and said "It's the best show"
"What show?" he asked.
"The faces people make before they die"
And then I closed my eyes.
10. My wife told me that she rubs her bumhole to help her poop. This is 7 years into knowing this woman.
11. She likes to hide under our bed when we are about to go to sleep. And when I stand right next to the bed she would grab my ankle and scare the crap out of me, followed by an evil laughter and a face full of satisfaction for scaring me.
12. My wife speaks in a different language in her sleep. A completely formed language, with repeating words, clear articulation, sentence formation and proper cadence - but not of this world. She says that her parents told her she's been doing this since she learned to talk. She even responds to questions in her sleep... in the other language.
13. My hair is kind of long and when I brush it, it creates hairballs. I normally just throw them away ASAP but one time I was running late and just left it in the brush. When I got home, my SO was actually... (Continued).
He was playing with it. I came over to grab it and he refused saying he felt sad throwing it in the trash as it was my hair. He kept it for a few days before he forgot about it so I threw it out.
14. She'll gaze deep into my deep blue eyes and say how much she loves them...
Then quietly adds "I'm gunna cut them out and keep them when you die".
15. I have an ex that would grab any piece of skin his hand was on at the time (arm, back, thigh, etc), squeeze it, and say "It wold be so easy to skin you".
16. My wife occasionally tries to make visual contact with my butthole. She's never made any kind of sexual advance in that sense. Just every once in a while I'll catch her sneaking up on me when I'm naked or changing with this goofy look on her face. I'm sure she only does this because I act super self-conscious of my butt area. Usually I'll notice her and run away giggling.
She's yet to be able to confirm visually whether or not I actually have a butthole, which I guess means I'm winning.
17. My girlfriend is incredibly talkative in her sleep. She usually says funny stuff like "tell that jalapeo to put some pants on!" But sometimes the stuff she does gets pretty creepy. One time I was on my iPad and she started laughing in this really thin, stiff, creepy horror movie kind of way and then jolted up (still fully asleep). She proceeded to look around the room pointing and laughing at things in the same creepy way. I could see her actually moving her head seeing something new each time. Then I asked her (since she is very awake in a lucid dream state) what she is laughing at...she says "all the little kids in the room are laughing at me."
18. One night my spouse got up to get water just as I was starting to fall asleep. When she came back in the room she crawled around the bed to my side, and licked my hand, which was dangling over the edge of the bed. I woke up thinking a dog was in the room, saw her crouching down there and jumped out of the bed. I couldn't even speak for a minute because of how much it scared me, and she just rolled around on the floor laughing hysterically.
19. My wife occasionally talks in her sleep. About a month into dating her, I was woken up by her telling me that sometimes she likes to 'take penises and snap them like this' complete with a motion not too dissimilar to breaking a pencil in half. Thankfully, my penis remains unsnapped to this day.
20. Sometimes my wife tries to bring a life-sized stuffed animal of Frank the bunny from Donnie Darko into bed to use as a sex toy. I mean she will SNEAK that creepy bunny onto the bed in the middle of fornicating and try to get me to hump it. When I refuse she starts calling me "Frank" for the rest of our sexy time. Forgive me if I'm not willing to have a three-some with the terrifying hallucination of a schizophrenic cult movie character.
21. Secretly pulled our midwife aside after our son was born and asked if he could "squeeze the placenta".
22. My husband found an app for our pc webcam that allowed him to stream to an ancient flip phone of his. He proceeded to compliment my shirt, ask me why I changed, how my sandwich tasted...it went on for hours. I started freaking out and thought someone stole his phone and was watching me.
I'd try to call him and he'd refuse to answer the call, or he would pick it up and breathe heavily. It wasn't until I was on the verge of tears that he decided to call me and explain.
I could have killed the man.
To the last page for the best yet!
23. I was asleep one night many moons ago when I woke up to find my wife laying next to me with thick rope she had bought from the hardware store teaching herself how to tie the perfect noose..........for Halloween decorations.......in September...... at 3am.
A few years later and I'm still alive...so I have that going for me.
24. My wife has problems sleeping and tends to talk (mumble) in her sleep. The worst, however, is when she sits bolt upright screaming. This happens once or twice a year. I've also woken up to her kneeling on her pillow, batting at something on the wall, and making frustrated sounds.
25. One of my female friends is about 6'8. One day I was using her shower and had my eyes closed as I was washing my hair. When I opened my eyes I saw a face looking down at me over the shower. It scared the living crap out of me. I screamed, and slipped, landing on my butt. As I curled into a ball and started crying, I heard her laughing like a maniac. I'm not sure why, but it was horrifying. If she would've peeked through the curtains, I don't think I would've been as scared.
26. My husband and I have a habit of creeping/lurking outside bathroom doors when the other is pissing and singing/chanting, "I CUP, I CUP". You know, "I see you pee." In earlier parts of our relationship I was (understandably?) fascinated by peeing and having control over the aim and a few times he let me hold his dick while he peed. In retrospect I understand this was probably odd.
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, or so the saying goes.
The same can be said for your interactions with cops, most of whom are perfectly happy to let minor infractions slide––When was the last time you were actually ticketed for jaywalking?––provided you're not a total Karen should you interact them.
Your local police officer likely doesn't care about jaywalking or the fact that you went five miles over the speed limit unless you give him a reason to, as we learned when Redditor Takdel asked police officers: "What stupid law have you enforced just because someone was an a-hole?"