7 Private Investigators Reveal The Absolute Strangest Cases They Got Hired For.

1/7) My favorite case was one where the suspect had a criminal record where he had been charged withcocaine usage and had snorted cocaine out of a hooker's butt.


2/7) Private investigator here. One case I observed was a low level criminal (who was supposed to be disabled), who would spend all day going from Walmart to Walmart, filling up shopping carts withwith energy drinks (Monster I think), walk briskly out the door without paying, throw them in his trunk, and take off like a bat out of hell.

At the end of the day he sold a trunk-load of energy drinks to a corner store and I video taped him walking out with a wad of cash.

Definitely not as exciting as the movies, but it was a fun day for me.


3/7) A few years back I accidentally became the owner of a detective agency. I intended to just be an investment partner, but the owner and actual PI died shortly after I made my investment and lo - I now owned an detective agency.

After quickly getting the various legal licenses, etc., I just started taking cases. The entirety of what I knew about how to be a PI was from various TV shows, movies, and books. For cases, I would just rely on random people whose life has become so bad that they decide calling a PI is the next logical step. Much later I learned that normal PIs never take these so-called "domestic" cases because they are always a huge mess. Real PIs get almost all of the work from lawyers and hire off-duty cops to do all of the leg work. As a result, I had a TON of crazy cases. Several TV seasons worth. Here are a few classics:

-Guy calls me to help catch his neighbor who is knocking over his trashcans at night. We set up a small night vision camera to catch the guy. Watch the video the next day - it is the wind. The client freaks out, says that his neighbor could have had an invisibility field or could have been moving too fast (like the Flash) to show up on camera. Wants to pay us thousands of dollars to rent a heat-seeking camera or one that can shoot thousands of frames per second... Turns out lots of crazy people call PIs to investigate the TV controlling them, alien abduction, etc.

-Seventh Day Adventist lady in an abusive relationship who wants to divorce her husband but apparently needs the husband's permission, which he won't give her. So she wants us to hire a prostitute to seduce him, get it on video, and then mail that to the church leaders to show the marriage is broken.

-Criminal who is serving 20 years in jail for hiring a hit man (who happened to be an undercover cop) to kill his friend. In prison he came into some money and hired us to prove he was innocent. His plan to do this was to have us tell his friend that he better recant his testimony or else our client would use his new money to hire a hitman to kill him "for real this time." This criminal genius told us this plan on a recorded phone call from jail.

I got even more!

Keep going for even more amazing cases!

-Get hired by a wife to see if her husband is sleeping with his secretary. We follow them, recording them going into his single-bed hotel room at 10:20pm after a nice dinner and leaving together the next morning at 8am.

-Get hired by a wife to see if her husband is sleeping with his secretary. We follow them, recording them going into his single-bed hotel room at 10:20pm after a nice dinner and leaving together the next morning at 8am. She says it proves nothing, that they could have just been working late...

-Guy calls to ask for Paddy, my late partner. We tell him he is dead. Conversation that follows goes like this: Bob: Dead? Tell him its Bob. Davevr: Bob - Paddy is dead. B: sure, ok, whatever. Who's this? D: This is Dave. How can I help you? B: Dave huh? Dave... yeah, Dave, I think Paddy mentioned you. D: I doubt it, but go ahead. How can we help? B: I was just calling to make sure the thing is still on for Friday? D: What thing? B: The thing, you know... D: I don't know, Bob. What? B: Well yeah, I know you don't "know", but is it on? D: Bob, I have no idea what you are talking about. B: Ok, I get it. Of course you don't know. But - all I'm saying is, we're good, right? D: We are not good Bob. I don't know what you are talking about. B: Of course. Got it. No idea. Great. Friday? D: Bob, Paddy is dead so whatever you think is happening on Friday is not happening. Understand? B: Perfectly. Tell him I will see him then.

Different call, also asking for Paddy. Conversation goes like this: Guy: I was told to ask for Paddy. Davevr: Paddy's dead. This is Dave, how can I help? G: Hmm, I was told to ask for Paddy. D: You did that, I told you he was dead, so can I help or not? G: Well, OK. I need to disappear. D: What do you mean, disappear? Like, from your girlfriend or from the Feds? (I literally had no idea what he meant) G: Really disappear. Like, dead. D: I don't know what movies you have watched, but there is no way to disappear unless you have a ton of money and a body. (I made this line up on the spot btw just to shut the guy up). G: I have 3 million in cash. Body is no problem. Can you help or not? D: .... I can't talk about this on a cell phone. click

-Never called back. Later found (from tracing the # that called me) it belong to a real estate investor who was being sued for millions in back taxes from the government who died in a private plane crash about a week after that call...


4/7) Cases where older people get a phone call from the "IRS" and get tens of thousands of dollars on prepaid credit cards and read the numbers off the back to the guy on the phone with the Indian accent to pay their tax debt.

This happens a lot actually. It's just weird that otherwise intelligent people can be talked into doing stuff this dumb.

Please talk to your grandparents. Make sure they know this is a common scam and their are many, many variants of this scam. No reputable business or organization takes payments by I-tunes gift cards. Their grandchild did not get locked up in Mexico, they aren't overdue on their electric bill and their power is about to be shut off, the police don't have an old warrant that they'll dismiss for a small fee.

A lot of these victims are so sold on the lie, that store clerks will stop them in the middle of purchasing $3k in moneypak cards, TELL them that they are being scammed, and these victims will argue with them that they need to pay the guy on the phone.


Keep going, they get EVEN better!

5/7) I am a private investigator and I have came across many cases. I will label a few of them.

-A police department in a small town in the Appalachian Mountains wanted me to keep an eye on an old lady.

-A manager at a Walmart in Indiana wanted me to watch a couple of employees because he thought they were talking about him behind his back.

-A retirement home hired me to watch one of their tenants, the tenant was a 90 year old lady with Epilepsy, but the pay was great though :)

-A casino in Reno hired me to watch everyone who uses a certain slot machine.

-A trucking company made me follow one of their drivers, who was pulling a shipping container from Salt Lake City to Ottawa.

-A factory manager hired me to watch his employees whIle he jacked off furiously in his office.

-A tenant of an apartment building hired me to watch his landlord, who also hired me to watch the tenant.

The weirdest one of all? A Donald Trump supporter hired me to watch his neighbor because he was convinced his neighbor was "A Soviet".


6/7) A woman in her midlife, presumably between 45 to 50, was found dead behind a dumpster around a local bar in the middle of December.

She was wearing a skirt that was pulled up to her waist, and leggings that were pulled down, and torn in multiple spots. She also had abrasion around her buttocks, the heels, thigh, and wrists.

At first, the cops are thinking that they have a sexual abuse on their hands.

However, certain things were not adding up. Even though it was mid December, that particular bar was fairly populated, and thus, someone should have reported at least hearing a woman in distress as the dumpster was near the parkinglot of the bar.

Also, the abrasions on her buttocks were rather strange, as if someone had dragged her across the cement floor. Some state that it is possibly due to livor mortis ("marks" caused by settling of the blood).

After some investigation, they found no traces of physical proofs that suggested neither sexual abuse nor rape. No semen, saliva, or hair, was found.

Later it was revealed that due to loneliness of losing her husband and daughters (husband through divorce and daughters simply grew up and started their own lives), this woman went to the bar to meet potentially a new partner but have gotten carried away drinking.

Once outside in the freezing cold, she wants to take a leak and hides herself behind the dumpster. While doing so, she is slowly suffering from hypothermia due to the cold winter wind and lowered body temperature caused by the alcohol. She begins feeling hot (due to paradoxical undressing, caused by hypothermia), she presumably stripes off her jacket, and other pieces of clothing. At this point, the hypothermia is really getting to her and she begins slowly losing conciousness.

While laying on the freezing ground, skirt pulled up and leggings down, she begins convulsing which leaves abrasions on her body. Leaving behind a curious scene that appeared as if she had been taken advantage of.


To the last page for the CRAZIEST case of all!

7/7) I've worked as a private investigator for around five or six years now running my own business. It's usually a pretty bad idea to just up and start an independent PI company as your gateway to the job (in fact it's pretty darn stupid), but I live in a town that's small enough that I was able to make it work. My first year or so was pretty rocky as I tried to adjust to the job, but having a couple of friends in the field to give me pointers here and there definitely helped. I eventually began to hit my stride, and as my reputation increased, so too did my client base.

I tend to get a lot of cases from paranoid spouses, and most I'll take, however absurd. I'm in no position to turn down a paying customer, and when they turn out to be correct it always feels good to help them out an unfaithful partner. This case, despite having a reasonably explainable conclusion, was creepy enough to have definitely caused me to think a little more about what to accept and what to decline.

Roughly two years ago I get a cold call from what sounds like an older man. He asks to make sure he's called the right place, and when I tell him he has, he immediately launches into a particularly long-winded rant about how his wife is plotting against him, and how she's planning to, "take him out". I try to get him to calm down and ask when he would be able to come over to the office so we could discuss things over a coffee, what he should bring, hash out whether or not this was a legitimate case, and if so, negotiate a fee. He's adamant that he needs to see me as soon as possible, so he comes in a couple of hours later. I don't have any cases at the time, so I'm all for it. He's an older gentleman in around his late fifties, early sixties, probably, and is visibly shaken when he shows up. We talk for a little while and he's definitely calmed down by this point, but he's still obviously frightened. He tells me that his wife has been going out to meet with other elderly women for a sort of book-club type deal and that he's sure that they're all out for his blood. Things get really interesting when he reveals that every morning, around 4:00 AM, he's woken up by an abnormally loud sound, like dogs barking and growling frantically. He tells me that he always wakes up to see his wife standing in the bedroom doorway and that two other elderly women resembling a few of her friends are always standing motionless behind her. Making no movements, just... Staring.

The creepy part is that his wife is still in bed with him, sleeping. They don't move as long as he doesn't, but he tells me that as soon as he performs anything noticeable, they stumble off before he has a chance to put his glasses on to get a better look. The few times that he had gone to check, he found his back door opened, but never anything else out of place

I'm a little weirded out, and at first think it may be sleep paralysis, but the fact that a previously closed door is open and that he is able to effortlessly move rules that out. I ask if he has a carbon monoxide detector in his room. He tells me he does, and that it hasn't ever gone off. I ask about things like his address, when his wife usually leaves, when he usually leaves, the location of her book club, pictures of his wife, her friends, things like that. We come to an agreement, I take the case, and he goes off on his way.

I head off to his place that night and park my car on his street in a location in which I can see his front door and the gate leading into his backyard. I set up my camera and turn on a podcast. Since I have to be there before he goes to sleep to ensure I don't miss it (it's possible that they could arrive before 4:00) I'm out there for around six hours with no signs of any activity. The roads are dark, save for dim, country streetlights, and more or less barren. There's this almost piercing feeling of silence and isolation, not unlike the town had suddenly become entirely deserted; like I'm the only living thing outside on that night. My podcast had long ended and a permeating essence of dread enticed me to turn the music that had replaced it off, for fear of unspeakable whispers worming their way into the silence between guitar strums.

3:30 sharp and almost as if on cue, the sound of a dog barking nearly gives me a heart attack. What's worse is how incredibly loud and oddly discordant it is. That is, it's odd until I realize that it's multiple dogs, as if every dog on the block started barking in eerie unison. This is when I catch a glimpse of them in my rearview. Two small, shriveled figures and one taller, more lithe one, all slowly stumbling across the sidewalk, all clad in white dresses, appearing so suddenly it's like NPCs have just entered my draw distance. The tint on my windows ensures they don't notice me as they pass by, but I'm nonetheless silent as a mouse, deathly afraid that one might peer over into my window as they pass. Their footsteps echo as they pass my car, and as they do my blood runs cold. It is not, in fact, three old ladies. It is two old ladies dragging along one lifeless, stark white mannequin, rigid like a corpse fresh from the grave and dressed as the old man's wife. I try to shake myself out of my daze and begin to take a few pictures with one cam, video them with the other. Sure enough, they turn right down his driveway, their mannequin in tow, and one of them unlocks the back gate, vanishing from view. I check the footage and pictures to make sure they're clear. Trying to get over the horrid bizarreness of the whole situation, I try to think of something since It's obviously not a good idea just to leave the old couple there with a pair of creepy old ladies who're probably suffering from dementia or something. Since it appears they're usually watching him for a half hour or so, I assume they've probably no intent to harm him, but one can never be sure. I pull out my cell and call up his phone, hoping to try to drive them out. Few minutes later, they're shambling away down the street, mannequin grinding against the pavement. I wait until they're out of view before letting out a breath of relief.

The guy doesn't initially believe me when I tell him what happened, but I show him the pictures and video and he goes pale. Despite the definite creep factor involved, he reacts instead by letting out the deepest sigh of relief I think I've ever heard. He mumbles something and I can see tears starting to run down his cheeks. He smiles a little melancholically and thanks me, saying that he has to apologize to his wife for not trusting her and not talking to her about it first.

I'm not entirely sure what happened after, but I assume he took the photos to the someone as the visits stopped happening after that. I'm not sure of the details, but apparently the women had pretty much gone off their rockers due to old age. His wife had given one of them keys in case they ever wanted to come over. I honestly don't understand the logic behind this one, other than she's old, I guess. Either way, I believe the two of them are in a home of some kind, now, and the husband made up with his wife pretty easily.


Sources: 1, 2

Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like


My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308


My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango


I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina


With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3



I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold


Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-


Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451


Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster


My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"



It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?


I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.



How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


Dogs and Chocolate


I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.


Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


Stars In Their Multitude


I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.