IRL

Lawyers Reveal The Strangest Things Clients Put In Their Wills

Some people are lucky enough to get written into a will, but others, not so much. Wills can be a great way to give the world the finger after death. There seems to be a lot of lucky cats, though.

sour_patch_kid__ asked: Lawyers who put together wills, what is the craziest/oddest thing someone wanted to put in theirs?

Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.


40. It's what Donny would have wanted.

A relative worked for a firm preparing wills and was confronted by an Executor who had an edict to "scatter the deceased's ashes from a microlight aircraft". He couldn't fly one.

She kindly pointed out to him that the drafting said nothing about whether said microlight was in flight at the time of scattering.

Womblechops

I once read an academic article where such a scattering had gone wrong instead them being spread over a wide area the bag got caught in the wind and the cremains fell through someone's front porch.

theforensicanthdude

39.  P E T T Y.

I am a qualified solicitor, my favorite two are:

  • A lady wanted to create a trust fund of £100,000, for her pet fish. When I asked if it was a special kind of fish, she confirmed it was just a normal goldfish but she wanted it to be fed fresh avocado every day and be looked after by a local dog walker after she died. She was absolutely serious.

  • Another lady confessed she had a secret daughter, and she wanted to leave the daughter some money and photographs without the rest of her family finding out. Even her husband does not know. That will be a fun conversation when she passes away.

scarlett_pimpernel

I've just finished studying Equity and Trusts, so was curious, did she create a fully secret trust for the daughter? Or just put her in the will?

Catzisme

She decided that her other daughter was reasonable enough to effect her wishes and keep it secret, so we had a letter of wishes that the daughter would get as the Executor.

She didn't want anything written into the Will itself for fear the rest of her family would see it so there was a note attached to the Will that the letter should be given to the daughter.

scarlett_pimpernel

38. Jackpot.

When my grandfather passed his will asked that I clean out his shed, and I alone.

I found marijuana seeds, old reel style film pornography, which was hilarious and a bunch of other unsavory paraphernalia. 50's flick knives too.

Navaro27

So like clearing his browsing history for him, but cooler.

Tok892

clearing his browsing history

This is a sacred duty and honour not to be taken lightly.

Warrenwelder

Can we hear more about this "unsavory paraphernalia?"

inkedfiend


There was so much collected weird sh*t. He had two old standup double door fridges, that were not plugged in, being used for storage inside his shed.

Intricate metal drug pipes, as well as intricate little ivory boxes. Designer coke spoons, presumably from the booming 70's obsession, a hot box, which I had to google what it was.

An entire fridge was dedicated to old fashion adult videos, on slides. Which was more adventurous than you'd expect, lots of knives and switch blades.... oh and a crisper draw filled with plastic dick whistles.

Literally little plastic penis shaped whistles. All colors.

Navaro27

37. Grandpa is still in charge.

My great-grandad had a clause in his will that stated something along the lines of, "if any of the beneficiaries decide to dispute the contents of the decedent's estate, their share becomes $1 and nothing else."

Seemed like a pretty good way to maintain harmony among his survivors.

nelson227

I have this in my will. If someone isn't happy with my dying wish, they can politely say "no" and pass on it. If someone wants to be greedy, they get nothing but a dollar minus postage and handling.

sunshinybeaches4u

36. The richest man in solitary.


I used to work at a bank in the estates department. I was an administrator who had to manage the files including encroachments upon the capital (i.e. "I want to take some money out now, please").

I had this one account - multi-million dollar trust for one single beneficiary - the son of the deceased. What's interesting is that the son killed the parents... with a hammer in grotesque and brutal fashion. He plead insanity.

He would call once a year from the penitentiary / mental hospital, requesting $50 for commissary (to buy chips and gum). The call was always strange.

He was very polite, very doped up. The quality of the call was always very "tinny" like he was far away from the phone.

AnotherDrunkCanadian

How was he still the beneficiary? Wouldn't that be voided if he murdered them?

pineapplepantyparade

My understanding is that in this case, since it was determined that the beneficiary was not of sound mind and was placed in an institution as a result of his actions, he is not in fact convicted. Thus, the terms of the trust would hold true.

Had he been deemed guilty and of sound mind, the trust should have been voided.

AnotherDrunkCanadian

35. Well done.

I'm not a lawyer, but my grandfather saved his kidney stone so that he could leave it to my cousin. They never really got along.

CuetheQ

I really like the cut of your grandfathers jib.

iamthepixie

34. Mom needs to get outside more.

Not a lawyer but my mom put in her will that if she dies under suspicious circumstances that my sister and I won't be left anything. She watches a lot of true crime.

staying_incognito87

That's a little sad but also pretty funny. Is your mom very wealthy to warrant such suspicion?

LunarMeow

She's an upper middle class realtor. She makes money but not enough to be murdered over. Also neither of us are murderers lol.

Edit to clarify: she doesn't make enough that she should be worried about getting murdered for her money like a billionaire would.

It's not something that would typically cross someone's mind who makes like 150k a year. My mom says a lot of weird sh*t like this.

staying_incognito87

33. Send cats.

Just last week I handled a matter where the parents left millions in artwork to various people, wads of cash to various charities, and only left their kids the family cats.

Turns out they did it because the kids got them the cats to comfort the parents in their old age and the parents f*cking hated the cats but the kids wouldn't let them get rid of the cats.

Dr_BrOneil

Imagine hating some cats so much you don't give your kids any of your families wealth. Nice

Anonimase

Yeah, but the kids are doing very well financially. Mom and Dad bought them homes and such. I don't feel TOO bad.

Dr_BrOneil

32. The shade of it all.

I read a lot of estate documents as part of my job. There is so much subtle shade in them occasionally, they can be pretty entertaining.

One super wealthy lady had a huge section for the care and well being of her pets, with primary and successor caretakers, a certain amount of money from the trust for care and feeding of each pet (one pet owner might receive 3k a month to take care of one of her pets after she passed), and certain stipulations on how they were to be cared for.

While some might see it as excessive, the language and stipulations she had, and how they were referred to showed that she really, really loved her pets.

In that same will and trust, she also left a slew of people only one dollar, so that there would be no chance they could take the trust to probate court one the basis that they were merely forgotten.

That part had SO MUCH SUBTLE SHADE. A lot of "they know what they did," "they are well aware of their guilt in the matter." etc. They she split up about 2 million dollars among 5 or 6 different animal rescues and animal welfare charities.

It was around 200 pages long, and I swear I read the entire thing just for the sheer entertainment value.

Harmonic_Content

31. The cats are making the most of the good life.

Not a Lawyer, but an aging woman my family knew left her house (large, and in a very affluent neighborhood) and estate to family friends for so long as her cats were alive and taken care of in said house.

After they died, the house was to be sold and the remaining estate donated.

The weird thing is, it's been like 20 years and the cats are still alive.

Also, they've changed color.

EndlessArgument

Haha! My kids had a fish that changed color. It too lived an especially long life.

DarkShadowReader

The weird thing is, it's been like 20 years and the cats are still alive.

How the-

Also, they've changed color.

Ah.

disabled_crab


I know someone who is the caretaker in a setup just like this. "D" has use of the home as long as she tends to the animals.

"D" told me the punchline when I was visiting. Her life-partner "B" wanted to just leave the house in her will, but the taxes and related stuff was a giant mess and family members had already made it clear they would contest and make life hell for "D".

So with a lawyer's assistance, she had it written up as a trust or something, so "D" could stay in the house as long as the pets were alive and well.

Then "B" went out and bought a baby tortoise.

GaeadesicGnome

30. Who knew you could legally be this wholesomely petty.

Not a will, but a deed. The City I work for was renovating a small park that was donated to the City in the 1910s. We went looking through the hand-written deed for easements or other restrictions and found that the family could claw the property back if the park were not, "perpetually provided with a fountain of pleasant running water fit for consumption by man and beast alike." ...the family still has descendants in town, so we installed a new water fountain with a dog bowl filler just to be safe.

Sandor17

Okay but this is such a wholesome "restriction."

rileyjw90

Damn, that would have been some find if the family paid attention to their own history.

AntifaAreFascists

29. Gotta protect the family.

My sister's mother in-law is leaving her house to her three sons. If one wants to sell out his third of the house, he has to sell it to the other two brothers for $1.

Processtour

What if all 3 want to sell it together?

silverpixiefly

They can sell it if all three agree. I think she wants her sons to use it like a cottage, a place where they will visit and stay for awhile. Tow of the sons live on lakes nearby so they would never use it as such.

The third son lives with his mom in the house.

He does take on a lot of the care responsibilities of his mom (she is 93), so that is nice. The other two brothers have done most of the home maintenance for decades, including weekly mowing and cleaning and they still help in her care.

When she dies, which unfortunately could be very soon, the third son might not move out. He could freeload in that house forever and his brothers would have to share in the tax payments and upkeep if they want to maintain their inheritance.

Processtour

28. Classic power move.

Not me, but whenever I visited my old grandma in Nicaragua, it would always seem my aunts and uncles would be weirdly nice to her, almost as if she was a famous person.

People would be visiting her house to greet her and strike a conversation. One day, my mother walked into my grandma's room to have a conversation with her.

I remember during the flight back (3-4 after the conversation) I asked her what the conversation was about. She told me that grandma used to have childeren that almost never talked to her, and now that shes sickly they are trying to act nice to get stuff out of her will.

My grandma wanted to talk to my mom to ask her what she wanted from the house. My mom was always the favorite growing up since she cherished grandma, and grandma wanted to pay her back for being a good daughter.

My mom replied with "I don't want anything for you, I just want your love" and they both smiled at eachother.

(Also she wanted us to take a washing machine back home to sell it for cash, but we declined)

FYI: She's still alive. Grandma aint giving up yet.

edinito

27. Creepy.

A furby collection from models collected in the late 90's. They were convinced they would retain future value.

This was 2011.

2rio2

The best part was she had named each of them so in the will I had to associate each nicknamed furby to the grantee grandchild.

I never got to see the distribution of that one but it had to be a good one. She did the same for lots of paintings and things around her house but those nicknamed furbies were the best.

2rio2

26. This is meticulous, and really cool.

Here's one from one of my dad's law partners. He had a lady come in with an itemized list of books and wanted her will to contain all of the books and who will get what based on her choosing.

So basically she decides who gets what specific book instead of letting her beneficiaries decide. The truly astonishing thing is how many books and how specific they get.

According to dad's law partner her list is at about 2,000 books to be divided among about 30 people. She is apparently very specific and comes back at least once a year to add all the new books she's gotten.

littleredbird1991

So basically she decides who gets what specific book instead of letting her beneficiaries decide.

This is actually pretty thoughtful. As strange as it may sound, it sounds like she's picking the books out based on what the person may be interested in or is likely to enjoy.

It makes it infinitely more meaningful that each book was handpicked just for them!

Flippant-Penguin

It also saves people a lot of hassle. Imagine some woman you know has died, and you and 29 other people have to sort through 2000+ books to see if you want any, and then negotiate with anyone if you and them happen to like the same book.

JohnnyNoArms

25. Sagely wisdom.

My grandpa gave me all his tools(which sounds dumb but we are in the same trade and it was a real life changer, it included a lift and his old shop truck so I pretty much got everything to start my own shop but a building) a pretty good chunk of change, and his dog Tanner, as long as I made sure his live in girlfriend at the time got nothing at all and I told my uncle he was fat and his wife was going to leave him if she couldn't find his pecker.

There was literally a script inside the will. It all went smooth and my uncle lost weight and Janice is an ahole and it turns out Tanner is kind of an assh*le too but it's OK becuase my grandpa was kind of an ahole (a good one but still) and they have the same mustache and eyebrows so now I come home from work every day and get stared down by my grandpa while I poop.

Headbangerfacerip

He gotta make sure you did everything he told you. Omans.

IAmJustABystander

24. Going out giving the world the finger.

Not a lawyer, work for a will writers / trusts specialist in the UK, currently studying toward my TEP.

One of our earlier clients passed recently. Turns out the man she left almost everything to, including the residue of her estate--which was considerable--was her regular taxi driver. She had also named him as her executor. He had no clue.

The woman named as her executor and main beneficiary on her previous two wills, a close friend of many years, was understandably flabbergasted and contested the will.

We responded to her solicitor's Larke v Nugus request, informed Mr Taxi Driver (who didn't even know our client had passed) and the will was upheld. Aforementioned friend was left a legacy of £5000 if I remember correctly, but her nose was clearly out of joint.

Bonus observation: it takes a lot less than £5000 being up for grabs to make families turn against each other. Can get really nasty. One of the most startling things I've learned in my short time in this business.

lst0

23. Extra credit.

I had the first son so my dad decided to leave me more. Except he did the math wrong and it came out to 105%. He had dementia.

wellsfargostillsucks

My wife's grandma is not putting the grandkids in the will to not play favorites, but my wife is her favorite so she made my wife the executor and gave whoever the executor just happens to be 5%

neo_sporin

How much did you actually get?

SinkTube

Six grand more than my sisters. I gave it to them. They didn't want it but it was just too weird.

wellsfargostillsucks

22. What granny doesn't know...

I'm the executor of my grandmother's will. I also get the house and everything in it and a share of life insurance that's split three ways between myself, sister, and mom.

My mom has always said that all my dad, my grandmothers son-in-law, would like to have is some table. Well in the will there's like a whole paragraph that states how my dad gets nothing, he doesn't lay a finger on any thing in the house or any money.

How my dad is basically worthless and deserves nothing and how he was a crap dad and that she begrudgingly has my mom in the will. Thanks grandma I'll appreciate the awkwardness.

Cocoah83

21. People who probably shouldn't have been married in the first place...

So this is related. Worked on a divorce up a couple who fought over every single thing in the house. Separating pillows and such.

They were left 52 gallons of vanilla extract by her grandmother. In a secondary preceding he was awarded all but 5 gallons.

Two weeks later he sent in a case of "samples" in zip lock baggies to our office along with a request to subpoena a urine test from his ex-wife to prove she pissed in the jugs before he picked them up.

We never needed to as she screamed in court that she, "pissed them full just like he pissed all over her during their marriage." They were neat.

This same couple went to court for nearly two years over a beanie baby collection. They had three kids.

Fuglybutter

20. Nice.

My vindictive grandmother left my aunt $20 as a reminder of the $20 my aunt stole from her once.

phytoarch

My grandfather left my uncle three things from his rather valuable estate:

  1. One dollar in unrolled pennies
  2. A framed copy of the contract my uncle signed saying he owed my grandfather >$100k (never repaid)
  3. A framed copy of the letter my uncle sent my grandfather saying he was disowning my grandfather for "being cheap" with my grandfather having written "accepted asshole" and signed his name

I was only a kid but I understood, and laughed at it when I heard my uncle cursing my grandfather to the attorney. Still laugh today and my grandfather was right, he is an assh*le.

E: wow, so this blew up. Ummmm. Thank you for the silver and just wow!

voxnemo

I've read that you should always list something for relatives you don't like in your will, even if it's just 1 dollar, so that they can't argue that they were forgotten and try to get more stuff.

This takes it to another level though. Awesome.

mysistersacretin

19. I would do this.

Not a lawyer, but I work at a law firm.

One client left $100,000.00 to his two cats so they could "maintain their current lifestyle."

NerdSandwich

"... in the manner to which they've become accustomed."

justpedalharder

18. Mood.

My grandma left a penny and a nasty comment to almost every person in the will, all of her sons and daughters, even a few grandchildren, except for me. I got 1,000 dollars.

Thanks, grandma.

thecatdaddysupreme

Pardon my curiosity but why were you the only one exempted of nasty commments ?

pointy_ears98

All I remember is being nice to her when I was 5-6, I always liked cats and she was a cat lady, and I was the youngest, most susceptible to manipulation.

It sounds like a bad thing to say, but witches run in my moms side of the family, mainly because a mother abuses her daughter, who then abuses her daughter, and so on.

It's actually pretty insane, and none of them realize what they're doing. 0 self-awareness between the lot of them.

thecatdaddysupreme

17. Is that a win?

Not a lawyer but my grandpa put in his will a chocolate bar for everyone one of his grand kids. Well I have like 12 cousins and very difficult to track down where a couple of them went.

All this estates and money he had in will was at a stand still for months because they couldn't find my couple cousins.

Had to show court we put in effort to hire someone to track them down etc. The lawyer that was helping execute the Will was blown away that this lawyer allowed this and why he wouldn't highly suggest not to do it.

But I'm not complaining cause I got a Toblerone out of the deal!

rv14guy

Pretty smart way to ensure all the cousins would be informed, and force them to check in on each other.

BigYearColorado

16. Worth it.

I (early 20s) was forced to write a will due to the health insurance I get at work, and, amongst sensible stuff, the in-house lawyer said it was totally okay for this clause to be added:

"My funeral wishes are that I be buried in a coffin which has been springloaded, such that opening the coffin would cause alarm to future archeologists"

Then a bunch of stuff about if this is to costly I'd be cremated and have my ashes scattered in a specific place.

WanderCold

😂 I was always curious if I could request my head be removed from my body before burial in the case of a zombie outbreak so I would do minimal damage to future generations.

Player8

15. Really, mum?

In my Mums will, which I have seen, she has left me the kitchen table and chairs.

She lives on a South Manchester council estate.

My brother gets the sideboard.

Starman68

My mother told me that she wrote my older brother and older sister out of her will.

I assume I am also written out of it, though I doubt she'd tell me because she wants to be around my child.

She doesn't get to be, but whatever makes her feel better about herself. If three of your kids aren't talking to you, then we might not actually be the problem...

Cotton_Candy_Grapes

My mum is exactly like that. Neither my brother or I want to be close to her but she's constantly telling me what a good mother she is and she doesn't understand why we are acting this way.

Fwanc

14.

My old landlord took 2 years to boot me out because her mother who owned the place died and she wanted to sell the place.

But her mother's carer said the mother verbally promised the house to her. Even though it was not written in the will it still took 2 years of fighting in court to clear things up.

No, the carer didn't get it in the end even after all the appeals.

thobek

13. Going to the grave with principles.

My great grandmother left most of her money to a local donkey sanctuary.

mutatedpepper

My great aunt did this but to a llama sanctuary. She had about 2 million when she died, left half to a small church in the middle of nowhere and the other half to a llama sanctuary. She left each of her family members about $25.

hamiltori

Was there some sort of feud this aunt had?

McNumNums

She had no children of her own, and to be honest most of the family was pretty entitled and were making plans for how they'd spend her money when she died.

It was her final fuck you to the people spending her money before she was even gone. I was about 9 at the time and was thrilled at the $25 I got.

hamiltori

12. This is sweet.

Client wanted her ashes spread at the restaurant (on the beach) where she met her husband.

ronnstor

11. "Kill things and bury them with me."

I work in probate. The oddest thing I've seen in a will is to euthanize their beloved horse, have it cremated and it's ashes scattered with the decedent.

Lucky for her horse, she named a horse that was already dead so the one she got afterwards lived to see another farm.

gabberrella24

That is so odd. I'm happy the other horse got to live on

sour_patch_kid__

10. Burn.

Had a friend who had a toxic relationship with his uncle. When his uncle passed he was surprised to find he was in the will.

Turns out there was a handwritten IOU that read "I'm leaving you 15k BUT you have to come get it from me. I'll see you in hell!" My friend laughed.

ThisSideOfVanishing

Now if he were to go to Hell Michigan could he argue that he went to the designated meeting spot but his uncle never showed therefore technically holding up his end of the stipulation?

FlyingGrayson85

9. "Upon my death, unleash hell."

Lots of people sending their friends and family on weird errands to spread their ashes (leaving money for people to take trips and spread their ashes around the world).

Pet trusts are a fun one: leaving a whole whack of money in a trust to be used for the care of the pet during their life.

However, my favorite ever (that I obviously didn't draft) was a lawyer who left the bulk of his estate (millions in today's dollars) to whatever Toronto-area woman had the most children at a specific date some years in the future.

I recall the winner had 10.

PirateRobotNinjaofDe

8. This should be fun.

Lawyer here. Probably the woman who wanted to gift the frozen semen of her dead dog.

literaphile

7. Is this even enforceable?

Saw this answer from a similar question some time ago. When a dad died he set up financial installments so long as his daughter remains under a certain weight. Dude was controlling her diet from the grave.

CodeBrownOrderly

A famous case most law students read is of a mother who left a ton to her son- provided he married a Jewish woman. Well, he was already married to a non-jewish woman. Big mess.

TAHayduke

I wonder what the stipulations were about maintaining the marriage or controlling the wealth after the simple fact of marriage.

Sign a contract with wife to no-fault divorce and remarry in a year, sign a prenup with a Jewish woman who wants to get married for the money and then divorced, and bang.

StruckingFuggle

6. Knock knock.

Me and a friend from middle school have an agreement that he gets 10 bucks out of my estate.

I also want all beneficiaries notified by a mysterious man in a dark suit preferably on a dark rainy day.

KM4WDK

5. You know what you did.

A good clause is always "for reasons known to them." which is will-speak for "you've gone and f*cked up, assh*le. I don't forgive you."

In my own will, I've left my father "The contents of my kitchen trash can at the time of my passing, for reasons known to him."

The_lady_is_trouble

Serious question: do you expect your father to outlive you, or are you requesting the contents of the trash can to be delivered to his final resting place?

If its the former, my sympathies.

sumelar

He could very well do so. His side of the family lives forever. Like, reaching 100+ isn't unheard of.

I "take after" my mother's side, which has significant heart disease.

I understand I could follow either, both, or neither... but I could also get hit by a bus tomorrow and die unexpectedly. I figured it was safest to actively disinherit him rather than stay silent and assume I'll outlive him.

The_lady_is_trouble

4. Ouch.

My grandfather left me $1.00, he had dementia and confused my dad ripping him off with me.

He left the rest of the family between $100,000 And a few million each. They all said they felt horrible because they knew the details, but not horrible enough to give up any of their share.

The way I see it is it was never my money to begin with, so it's not a loss. I'm just glad my sister got a hundred thousand, she needed it more than any of the others.

Killallthemods

They all said they felt horrible because they knew the details, but not horrible enough to give up any of their share.

Funny how that works out.

eddyathome

3. Really?

Worked with a client who wanted language that her cats would be euthanized and buried with her. We had to explain why legally we couldn't do that.

The moral part just went over her head. One of the few clients who ever got under my skin.

liceandlight

2. Gran wasn't happy.

Not a lawyer but my grandmother's will stated that my father had to outlive her by a certain amount of time (I honestly don't remember exactly how long, I was 15).

My father died less than a month after she did, so instead of things going to my father the next step was the estate being divided between me, my sister, and two cousins. It was so bizarre!

MagicoCowgirl

I would guess that your grandmother didn't care for your fathers wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/whatever? Or someone that he might name in his will?

This sounds like a tactic to give the money to your dad without it going elsewhere, or make sure it went to you/sister/cousins.

TapewormNinja

1. We have a winner.

My Grandmother had her boobs done when she was in her 60s, nothing really wrong with that, but when she died, she wanted an open casket with her boobs on display.

Really Nanna? She passed away at 80 and got exactly what she asked for. Grandad had ended up sticking 2 strategically placed daisies on her boobs.

So she got what she wanted and so did Grandad. RIP Granny, you silly b$%ch, love you.

FairyFlossFairy

Imaging not being warned of this ahead of time. You rock up to the casket and see and old ladies surprisingly perky fun bags on display.

OpalHawk

Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

You're not the only one.

u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

I Know What I Like

Giphy

My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

- AardvarkAndy

A Stair Step

My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

- RazerWolf04

My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

- Apples9308

Saturdays

My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

- FormalMango

Iraq

I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

- dontcryformegiratina

$40

With an ex:

"I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

She did not understand this.

I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

"Now how much do you have in your hand?"

She still didn't understand.

She somehow has a college degree.

- Speedly

Mini Wheats

When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

- shicole3

Crayons

Giphy

I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

- CorrectionalChard

That's Unfair

My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

His answer was that I was being unfair.

- ShyAcorn

Pure Masochism

How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

- argofire

Emailing NASA

A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

- derawin07

A Non-Standard Ruler? 

I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

- Lovelocke

This Unusual Vegan Argument

Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

- onlytruebertos

Monty Python

In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

- Skrivus

Albert or Arnold

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Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

- Gerrard1995

Below Sea Level

I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.


I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

- -justforclout-

Tomash

Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.


An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

- TK-DuVeraun

Whales Are Mammals

I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

- kawaii_psycho451

Microwaves

Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

- sun_phobic

Shower Schedule

My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

- LibrarianGovernment

No Balloons For Grandma

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

- Dskee02

Spontaneous Dolphin Existence

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How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

- thebeststory

Male Chickens

I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

- bee_zah

Lightning McQueen

Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

- 23071115

But ... Ice Floats

Waiter/Host here.

Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

- FarWoods

Time Zones Exist

Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

- JustARegularToaster

Colorblind

My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

"that's orange"

"no, it's red"

"orange"

"YOU CANT EVEN KNOW"

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

- droneb2hive

Andre 2000?

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I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)


The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

It was stupid.

- P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

Stars Like Our Sun

I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.

fox_boi2

Richard Nixon

I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.


I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.

grumblecakes1

Balloon to Heaven

My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

Dskee02

Binder Clips

I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.

justantherredditgirl

Jewish

Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.

Aslkurloz

Nutella

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3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.

vault_tec_redditor

Lingerie Boxes

Late to the party, but there it is.

I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.

Meh75

Wicked Witch of the West

I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.

weirdatwork2017

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.

Frisby2007

Telekinesis

My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

We didn't speak to each other for four days.

dude_bizarro

Ghosts

How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).


How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.

thebeststory

Dogs and Chocolate

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I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.

KlutzyHedgehog

Is water wet?

My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

For the record, it is no to both questions.

SFCopperhead

Mission Trip

A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.

SirRogers

Dragon Tales

One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.

MistalQueensglaive

Green Or Yellow?

When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.

BugsRatty

Stars In Their Multitude

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I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.

theedjman

Colorblind

My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

"Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

droneb2hive

Hot Water

About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.

moniker5000

Biology Class

I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...

10d4plus8

Solid Or Liquid?

Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.

ScreamingPotoo