Amateur Chefs Share Their Most Embarrassing Cooking Mistakes
Cooking can be hard. There are tons of steps, things need to be done in a proper order; preparing a big meal can be an anxiety inducing thing. Anyone who says they cook the same way for themselves as they do for others is a total liar. One reddit user was tired of all the lies and wanted to know:
I don't care if my stocks are cloudy. What's your cooking faux pas confession?
We gathered some of our favorites... or least favorites... to share with you. Let's get started.
1. Soul Meat Pudding?
Only when cooking for myself, I will sometimes make mashed potatoes with reds (sin in itself) and beater with cream and butter into a frenzied, starchy, gravy like substance, which I will then pour over accompanying meat.
Edit: It's my soul meat pudding. Sounds gross but it's really the best way to explain it.
I don't generally let people eat my lunch soup anyway, but I'm not Bobby Flay or whatever who has someone else wash the 16 spoons he uses to taste. I lick the stirring utensil and then put it right back in to stir and I am not ashamed.
3. Peeling A Tomato Is A Thing?
Oh, I'm terrible.
I do not sift.
I do not peel my tomatoes. Eat your damn tomato skin.
I do not de-seed my tomatoes. That's where all the flavour is!
I skip the parallel-to-the-board cuts when chopping onions. Makes it 10x less prone to fall apart on you, and since onions come in layers, you get a damn-close result anyway.
If the end product is getting pureed, I do all the aromatics in the food processor because to hell with it.
I do not push sauces or soups through a sieve. If the stick blender is not good enough, tough.
I do not carve chickens in the approved manner. I have been known to pull the breast off the carcass and slice it on a chopping board. And yes, I have been known to cook chickens to the point where that's possible.
Sometimes I chop vegetables all wonky just to mess with husband. When we first got married he expected things to be cut into perfect bite size because that's what his mother did. I trained him out of that quite quickly. Gave him a whole potato in a bowl of soup once and convinced him it was rustic. He's fun to screw with.
5. Flip It!
I flip the sh*t out of my burgers, flip them like a Miami Beach property.
6. Wait, You're Not Supposed To Rinse Mushrooms?
I f*cking rinse my mushrooms with all the god damned H2O I want.
I put oil in all my pasta water.
I don't wash my hands before I cook for myself.
F*ck putting my hair up. Does it taste good? Then why are you complaining about the free floss I served it with?
7. Bean Blasphemy!
When I'm lazy, my black beans are a spoonful of jarred Goya sofrito and an undrained can of beans, maybe a little extra oregano and garlic powder.
And they're better than just about anywhere but the really great taco holes.
8. The One Comment That The O.P. Couldn't Forgive
I've added mayonnaise to guacamole. It helps add some creaminess but this is considered a cardinal sin by most.
9. Confess Those Sins!
Ohhh lets see
My Grilled Cheeses are made with good, fancy bread and processed American cheese
I don't think I've ever used white pepper in my life
I honestly don't know what Fivespice is used for
I use butter for everything, even when I shouldn't
I hate alfredo anything
I have never tried cooking Indian food, ever.
I bake w.o measuring weights. Cups and tablespoons
10. Black Toast Is Awesome.
I love burnt food. Popcorn, roasted veggies, toast, cheese on nachos, bacon, anything. If what I'm cooking is just for me, I'm probably gonna burn it a bit.
11. If There's No Stirring Or Frying, Is It Stirfry?
My "stirfry" is usually just browning meat microwaving some vegetables for about half the time and combining with some bottled stirfry sauce.
I'm usually dead tired after work and this is quick and tasty. I make no apologies.
12. One Man's Secret Shame
I have lived in southeastern Louisiana my whole life, growing up in New Orleans and living in baton rouge since college. I have never boiled crawfish or crabs myself. I have also never made gumbo. I eat plenty of all that stuff, but there is always someone hosting a boil or making a pot if gumbo, so I get more than my fill without ever having to learn.
I consider myself a pretty accomplished cook. I can pretty much cook circles around most of my friends and family, and often do the cooking for gatherings. But I fear the ridicule of admitting I'd have to be walked through boiling crawfish. Among men in this area, many of them can't cook much except for crawfish.
13. What Cook Wants To Actually Cook Things?
Almost anything that I can safely eat raw, I will. Which is basically everything thus far besides pork. I find most meats/fish just lose flavor by being cooked. Living in Japan now and the amount of raw food available is heaven for me.
14. Abuela Would Disown You
Half Puerto Rican here. I've made arroz con jamon y gandules on several occasions for my full Puerto Rican side of the family and I've been told that mine is the best since grandma was alive. They ask what's my secret but I won't tell for fear that my abuela would haunt me out of shame. What is it? I add a big scoop of margarine instead of olive oil.
15. Shrimp Poo
I feel like it takes serious love to de-vein shrimp for someone. Sometimes I even eat them with the shell. The other day I went ahead and did it though; was severely grossed out by the amount of poop I found so maybe I'll have to start.