Amused Parents Share Something That Their Kids Think They're Hiding From Them.

It's always endearing when a kid thinks they know something you don't. And sometimes, just for the sake of it, we play along. Here, 30 amused parents share what their kids *think* they're hiding from them.

1/30. My 10-year-old daughter keeps a log of her farts in a notebook that she grades on a hilarity scale from 1 to 10.


2/30. I know that my son writes long letters professing his love to a girl in his class but never gives them to her and throws them in the trash.


3/30. My five-year-old son spends every other weekend at his father's house. When I go to pick him up he is always in a great mood, and I can tell he had a lot of fun...but when I ask him what fun things he did he says, "Nothing." Then when it's time to go to his dad's the next time he always acts upset and says something along the lines of, "I want to stay with you mom, it's no fun there."

It took me a long time to figure out that he's hiding how much he loves hanging out with his dad because he is scared it's going to hurt my feelings.

Also, he takes coins out of my purse when I'm not looking and puts them in his piggy bank. Kid thinks he's so sneaky.


4/30. He thinks we don't know the combination to his safe.

The combination is "3".

It is not a very good safe.


5/30. When I was in elementary school, my dad always threw* all of his spare change into the top drawer of his nightstand. At my school, we had a Fruitopia vending machine. Man, I loved that stuff. I loved it so much, I would sneak four quarters out of his change drawer every morning so I could get some with my lunch. I knew he would never notice because there was so much change in there and he never used it. A few years ago, he mentioned in passing that he always made sure there were enough quarters in there for me to take to school.


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6/30. My 3-year-old thinks we don't have a sense of smell and can't tell when he's hiding under the table pooping his pants. Listen kid, just because YOU don't mind living in that stink doesn't mean WE don't.


7/30. My niece drinks bottles of A1 sauce. I found 6 empty bottles under her bed while babysitting.


8/30. My wife was changing my 9-year-old sons sheets when she called me upstairs. He had 10 ripped pages from the women's bra and underwear section from the sears catalogue. He had stuffed the pages between the bedspring and mattress. He had written things on the pages like Cool! and "Rocket Launchers!" beside the models breasts. We had a good laugh.


9/30. Her videos for YouTube. She's 8. She doesn't have a Youtube account but creates videos of herself in an American accent (we're British). I watch them all the time.


10/30. When my daughter was between the ages of 3 and 7, we'd not irregularly find fingerprints dug out of the butter, where she'd just grabbed a big handful of it and shoved it in her mouth.

At three, not so weird. At 7, you start to question their sanity.

I asked her one morning when I noticed the fingermarks dragged through the butter, "So, how was the butter?" and she stared at me like I was psycho, rolled her eyes, and said, "Come on, Mom, I don't do that anymore, it's not like I'm 6."

And the whole time, she has this gigantic blob of butter in her hair right above her ear. Siiiigh.


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11/30. I have a camera in my office and my kid doesn't know, so I've observed this.

He scrapes the grades off of his report card with an exacto knife (you can scrape toner ink off of paper). Then he prints the grades he wants on a piece of paper. Then he lines up his report card over the grades and tapes his report card over the paper, and runs it through the printer again, so the grades print exactly where he wants.

I'd call him out on it but frankly I'm impressed. If he worked half as hard on his grades he'd be a genius.


12/30. Nothing! She is so weirdly honest, when I picked her up from a dance class the other day she even whispered in my ear, "I farted two times when you were gone."


13/30. My daughter is three and believes that all adults are incapable of finding anything she puts a blanket over.

Sometimes it's cute: "Daddy I bet you can't find the TV."

Sometimes it's evil: "Daddy I hid your keys so you can't leave the house."

Sometimes it's creepy: Walk into a dark room, turn on the light and find a sheet standing still in the middle of the room.

"Honey is that you?"

*crazy giggling* "You can't find me."

"Pretty sure you're under that blanket." *more crazy laughter and no more words *


14/30. When I was in second grade, I got an 'F' on some homework I didn't know how to do. I was so scared to show my parents, but we had to get them to sign our assignments so the teacher knew they saw them.

The girl who sat in front of me drew a line on the end of the F making it look like a crappy looking 'A'. My parents acted like they bought it hook, line, and sinker, put it on the fridge and wouldn't stop telling me how proud they were of me. I felt so guilty. Worst punishment ever!


15/30. When my dad was a kid, he and his brother would always sneak candy from my grandpas car. In the last few days of my grandpa's life, he and my dad were reminiscing old memories. My dad confessed to him about his candy stealing, and my grandpa said he knew all along and would refill it every day for them.

That was one of the only times I've seen my dad cry, and every time I think about this instance, I put myself in my dads shoes.

I just can't imagine what it would be like to lose my dad.


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16/30. My dog has a sensitive stomach and cannot hold down table scraps. When my nephew spends the weekend, the dog always ends up throwing up in the house. The dog LOVES the boy, too. When I ask him if he ever feeds the dog people food, he always says, "No, cause you told me not to and that would be bad. I love you, uncle [my name]!

Only kid I've ever know that somehow puts away all of his vegetables.


17/30. My eleven-year-old son wakes up at 4am, sneaks out of his room, and gets his laptop (he isnt allowed it in his room). Then he takes it back to his room and plays Minecraft till 7am when I wake. He think's I don't know, but I wake from the sound of a pin dropping.


18/30. On the flipside of this, my dad used to steal small amounts of pot from me during my angsty high school phase. I didn't even know that he smoked until years later, when he told me during a camping trip.


19/30. A secret double life: My 4-year-old son would have me believe that he lives in a castle in "Owenland". In this alternate realm he is ruler of all and is also a superhero called "The King of Fighting". Apparently, nearly everything that's impossible or not allowed here on Earth is possible in Owenland.

"You can't have chocolate for breakfast."

"In Owenland, we all have chocolate for breakfast."

"People can't fly."

"The King of Fighting can fly in Owenland."

"We can't have a bear as a pet."

"I have five bears in my castle and they talk to me all the time."

He would further have me believe that he brought the secret entrance to Owenland with us when we moved.

He thinks he's hiding it from me. But I found it!

*Rides off on talking bear*


20/30. It's about 6:30 in the morning, and I'm not a 6:30 in the morning type of guy. My three-year-old starts to go a little bit bananas because he's lost his "golden stone." He has these two little stones like what you would find in a fish tank or as MTG tokens. They're not even golden but that's besides the point.

He starts to make a bit of a fuss because he can't find one of his stones. We also have a 10-month-old, so my wife and I are a bit concerned, choking hazard and all. My wife goes off to get ready for the day and I start the mission of tracking down this missing stone. My son has decided that it's this grand mystery, I can tell because he keeps shouting out that it's a mystery.

I hit about the twenty minute mark and I'm pretty much ready to give up. I explain to my wife that I'd looked everywhere and my son must have left it at the grandparents or something because this stone is just completely MIA.

About 20 minutes go by and my wife begins to get my son ready for the day. He's made mention of this lost mystery a few times but otherwise given up on it. She gets him to take off his underwear that he was wearing the night before, to put on new ones for the day. As he takes them off, the stone falls out of his underwear and onto the floor. It had been in his underwear the entire time.

So what does he say?

"Daddy! I solved the mystery!"


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21/30. I don't know what my daughter is hiding, all I know is the moment I notice silence in the house... she is up to something.

This one time, I noticed silence and decided to check on my daughter. My roommate had left his room to use the restroom, and in that short timespan my daughter had rushed into his room, grabbed a big tub of chocolate flavored protein powder, and dumped it down a heating vent.

I swear it was premeditated. From then on, every time the heating would turn on, a poof of chocolate dust would blow out of the vent, filling the house with a chocolate smell


22/30. My cell phone.

The boy-child thinks he's hilarious, always hiding my phone if I put it down. But he only ever hides it in one of three places, and giggles incessantly while doing it. It's fun dealing with a shifty five-year-old.


23/30. My father used to hide the power cord to the computer so that my brother and I won't play computer games all day after coming back from school. The solution? My bro and I went through my parent's room with a fine-toothed comb until we found the cord and proceeded to play Red Alert or Mechwarrior all day until my dad came home.

But my dad is sneaky, he'd feel the computer when he got back and feel whether it was hot (from being used) or not. And he would sometimes come back at lunchtime to check us out. Eventually after this game going back and forth for a while, with us getting caught sometimes and my dad moving the cable somewhere else, he took to taking the cable with him to work. My bro and I finally got off our butts and simply bought a spare power cable.


24/30. To my sons: shutting the door doesn't fool me, it didn't fool my parents either. I know you are looking at stuff you think I'll disapprove of, and I just choose to let you get away with it.


25/30. My six-year-old daughter forgot to turn in her homework packet one Friday. Having forgotten it again the following Monday, her teacher sent home a note for us to read and sign. It merely mentioned that although it was the first time she'd forgotten it, it couldn't become a common problem. She was terrified. She is a good student and loves school. In a panic, she decided to cram her homework in her backpack and sign my name on the teacher's note.

In pencil.

Except instead of my name, she wrote "Mom." As in capital M with a period.

When asked by her teacher if I had really signed it, she nodded. She showed her the sheet. Pointed at the signature. What is your mother's name?

She fell apart like a twinkie dipped in hot cocoa.

I was more mad that she didn't realize I had my own name. I mean, she's six. I have a name!


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26/30. My 13-year-old son just bought socks with a pot leaf design on them. "I thought they were palm trees."


27/30. Himself. My two-year-old will hear me walking towards him and dive his head under a pillow while exclaiming, "Hide! Hide!", and then start giggling uncontrollably and then go "Shh!" to himself.


28/30. My son thinks that I don't know that he hides his stash of weed and his pipe in his blue string bag. I do.


29/30. A banana. She's two and I gave her a banana and she ate half. Problem is... I really don't know where the heck she put the rest of it. WHERE THE HECK IS THE DARN BANANA, CHILD?


30/30. A few months ago after one of his long "poops", I went into the bathroom after him and saw a Cosmo on the floor next to the toilet. I hadn't recalled ever seeing this one.

I asked him why he was reading it, and he said because he was bored. I noticed on the cover there was something like, BEST SEX POSITIONS pg. 178. I didn't want to, but I turned to page 178. The pages were stuck together. I threw it away. Washed my hands. And never spoke of it again.



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