Anonymous 911 Dispatchers Reveal The Stupidest Calls They've Gotten On The Job

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Anonymous 911 Dispatchers Reveal The Stupidest Calls They've Gotten On The Job

People do dumb things. Sometimes, 911 dispatchers have to bear the brunt of ill-conceived choices when they receive emergency phone calls from people who have no idea how 911 works. Here are some personal favorites from dispatchers, who shared the dumbest calls they've ever received. Bless.

Only in Florida.

Guy gets his truck stuck in the mud while out doing donuts at 3 AM and calls for help. Tell him he needs to pay a tow truck to winch him out. Guy gets angry and claims we are leaving him stranded in the dark (spooooky), tell him we can send an officer out to check on him if the area is unsafe. "Y'all got me f---ed up, I'm on probation and you tryin to send me back to jail!"

Tow truck arrives and while trying to winch him out, guy keeps taking off his clothes and trying to hook up with his girlfriend in the back seat...of the truck the driver is working on. Tow driver leaves. Guy calls back and is now VERY angry that tow driver didn't give his girlfriend a ride home, since he's gonna fight the cops when they show up. Additional officers were sent.

Calling the cops to ask permission to commit a crime... that's dumb. Also, meth is bad, don't do meth.

I had a woman call 911 to ask if it was legal to sell a baby.

I had a guy call to report information on a drug dealer because the dealer had sold him the wrong drugs. The guy said this was an ongoing issue and he had finally had enough.

Doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result probably means you're doing it wrong.

Repo companies in the area report their repos to us, just in case the owner decides to try and report the car stolen. I started my shift that day logging several when one of the owners calls in. We take his info, confirm it matches, and let him know it was reported as repossessed and to contact his finance company.

A little while later, he calls 911 again to let us know that he paid it up to date and the address they gave him to pick up the car didn't exist, so he wanted to report it stolen. We again refer him to his finance company.

A few hours later, he called 911 again. He checked his onboard GPS signal and saw it listed his car in another city, the next state over. So he had driven there and searched the city, but didn't find it. So it had to be stolen. We again explain it was repoed and to continue speaking with his financial institution.

The day carries on, and we eventually get to the end of the shift. As we are wrapping everything up for our shift up before night shift gets in, he calls 911 again. He found the tow yard his car was stored at, but it was closed for the night. He needed us to open it for him so he could claim his car. We explain that it was a private business and the car wasn't stolen, so we can't just bust in and take his car, he will have to claim the car once they are open in the morning. He was so moved by our logic that he decided..... to try reporting it as stolen again.

I thought demons lived in fire...

Some lady wanted the fire department to come burn her house down because she thought a demon lived in it. I sent paramedics and police to check on her but I told her we'd be happy to burn her house down in a controlled training capacity if she wanted to donate it, but there was a lot of paperwork to get that started.

That frontier spirit hard at work.

"I'm super drunk and I got run over by a sled." Now in northern Alberta typically this would mean a snowmobile and potentially life-threatening injuries. No, no. His kid hit his ankle bone with a wooden toboggan. Didn't even have a bruise.

Ha, "piping" hot. Get it?

My husband used to dispatch before he was old enough to go to the police academy. We lived in a small town, ranked 3rd most dangerous in our state. Lots and lots of drug use. There was a woman who was honestly crazy. I don't know if she had mental problems before the drugs or if the drugs fried her brain but she was a regular caller. Some of her calls- she called to report a break-in because she fell asleep with her blanket wrapped around her but when she woke up it was bundled at her feet. She called one summer night (routinely got over 115 degrees in the summer) and said that she had walked 3 Miles from her apartment and needed a ride back because she was barefoot and her feet hurt. He asked her where her shoes were and she said she was carrying them. She walked 3 miles and didn't think to put them on.

Another call wasn't stupid but still stuck with me. It was a domestic violence call and when he asked what was going on the woman yelled: "he threw a piping hot chicken pot pie at me!" Something about her attention to detail I just thought was funny in an unfunny situation

Stop? More like slow.

3 am. Got a call about a suspicious vehicle outside of her house. I start getting the description and get my officers en route when she says "They're leaving!" I get the direction they are headed and relay it; I've got 4 officers converging like a net on this guy.

Now that I've got a moment I ask the woman: "What exactly did they do?"

She replies: "They just stopped at the stop sign for a moment and then they moved on...."

PSA: don't deep fry a frozen turkey, you will have a bad time.

1) Every Thanksgiving you'll always get the person who calls because they don't know how long to cook a turkey. Never fails.

2) Every Thanksgiving someone always puts a frozen turkey in a deep fryer - usually in a trailer home - and a fire "surprisingly" occurs.

3) People who have warrants on themselves love calling to complain and ask to see the police in person for a dispute. They don't seem to remember we look up everyone in the dispute, not just the accused.

Ok, I have questions.

A lady ran over herself with her own car. She called to let us know she was okay.

This was fall of 2012. Hope she's uh, still doing okay.

Edit: Damn, that blew up. For those wondering, this was in CA. The lady was calm, laughed nervously/embarrassed a couple times, absolutely refused any type of response (even Quiet from the FD), and didn't say how it happened.

We took down her info, gave the typical Safety Admonishment, told her to call back if she needed to.

This level of petty is inspirational, not sorry.

Once my dad got a call from the 911 dispatch. At first, he was really confused because he didn't call them in the first place. They asked

"Sir do you have a daughter?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Well, she just called and claimed you broke her heart!"

Apparently, my sister got in trouble when she was about 5 or 6 and called 911 claiming "My daddy broke my heart." She hung up in embarrassment after the dispatcher began laughing.

1 2 3 4 5. How are these people alive?

I've been a dispatcher for about 7 years now in a medium size county in Florida.

  • Every year on July 4th and New Years we get calls about gunshots. Every single time the caller is perfectly convinced they're gunshots and couldn't possibly be fireworks. They'll say they hear automatic weapons or my personal favorite "rapid-fire shotguns". And every single time a deputy goes out to investigate, it turns out to be the unlikely culprit of fireworks.
  • I had one woman call 911 to tell me she found a cell phone on the ground. That's it.
  • Irate elderly male calls 911 while standing in the Sheriff's Office lobby to report the clerk not being helpful. When I told him that's not something you use a 911 line for, he went apesh_t, going as far as threatening to break into the office and shoot me. He was subsequently arrested.
  • Male was arrested for domestic battery, called 911 from the backseat of the patrol car and stated he was being unlawfully imprisoned. When I told him the only thing I could do for him was to send him more deputies, he said " thanks" and hung up. He then proceeded to call three more times looking for a different answer. We told the deputies on scene, they took his phone away and added a charge of misuse of 911.
  • Had a woman call in stating she accidentally took too much melatonin. She started getting hysterical when she felt the effects of her overdose. She was getting sleepy.
  • Blast this pesky contraption!

    I'm not a 911 dispatcher but I'm a central station operator (I'm the lady that asks what your password is when your alarm goes off)

    Been at my job 5 years. My favorite call ever was the second call I made to the house of an old couple, their alarm had gone off about 30 min prior, they weren't sure why the alarm was sounding so they asked me for the police to be dispatched. On the second call, the wife answered the phone, gave me all the correct information and then passed the phone to the officer. The alarm was still sounding but there was another weird beep in the background. We walked the owners through shutting their system off but this beep was still going off. The officer was getting frustrated and the homeowners weren't sure why the alarm as still sounding so they wanted me to shut the alarm down. I told him that our system was shut off and the beeping wasn't from us. The officer then went looking for the sound. He found out it was their alarm clock sounding. I swear I heard him roll his eyes through the phone and I tried my best not to laugh. He handed the phone back to the older couple who still had no idea what was going on but said the officer told them everything was okay.

    Tldr: old couple has us dispatch PD because of strange beeping noise. Officer arrives to find out it was their alarm clock.

    Come on, really...

    Too many to count. If I had to pick a favorite I'd have to choose the time a concerned citizen called in an animal stuck in a tree. That animal...was a bird.

    Ohhh you have warrants? Yes, we will definitely give you a ride.

    Got a call from a woman in the wee hours of the morning, clearly drunk and slurring.


    She says : "I wan shu to send an ocifer to mah housh and takh me to the bar, wait while ah git drunk, an then takh me home."


    Me: "Ma'am I think you are looking for a taxi service."


    Her: Well you guys shushpended mah license!"


    Time passes...


    Her: "Okay! Ah'm ready! Come n' git me!"


    Me: Ma'am, I already told you, we are not a taxi..."




    Me: "Oh, well in that case..."


    They said she fought like a prizefighter.

    "Her hands are all blue...our caller never even noticed" that her neighbor had blown her brains out.

    We have a call that every new trainee at my county listens to during training because it highlights how completely oblivious our callers can truly be. A neighbor enters her friend's house because she's not answering the door. She finds the patient on the couch sleeping. She calls 911 because she's not waking up. She says "She's not moving, not answering me or waking up. It looks like she has been cooking with blueberries, her hands are all blue." Operator already knows that means she's dead. We send everyone out, EMS arrives on scene first and immediately backs out. According to the deputy that arrived right after, she had a gun in hand, shot herself in the head and it splattered ALL over the wall behind her. Our caller never even noticed.

    All crustaceans matter!

    Working right now. My favorite call of all time was up in arms about lobsters being reserved at the local grocery store. He had a fit and called back a few times. Screaming and crying from the Seafood counter in a store I used to work for. I eventually sent an officer. Threw an even bigger fit in the store. Dinner was canceled and lobster man spent a night in jail. I called my old co-worker to get the play by play from inside the store.

    "Most 911 calls are pretty dumb." Yeah, kinda picked up on that.

    Going to let you in on a secret. Most 911 calls are pretty dumb, and not emergencies. I work overnight so most of the time the calls we get are pretty legit. But occasionally...

    I've had the guy call in because he was looking at the weather radar and said that law enforcement, NOAA, and the CIA were covering up the fact that the storm he was looking at was going to destroy the city. There was no storm. There was no rain or wind. It was clear outside, had been for weeks and remained that way for weeks afterward.

    Another woman called in because she said someone broke into her home and was now currently sitting on her couch looking at his phone. She said some noise woke her up and she saw the light from his phone when she opened the bedroom door. I asked the usual questions including if she had a dog and whether it was alerted to the noise. She said the dog was asleep on the bed and that he usually barks at strange noises (huge clue that nothing is happening, most dogs will alert to strange noises at night). Officer goes on scene doesn't see anything. Turns out the light she saw was from one of those electronic picture frames, that she owned, and knew about.

    Another break-in call. Woman calls at around 2:30 in the morning. Says she heard someone knocking on her door and heard some noises outside. I've got 2 or 3 officers headed her way. Through our conversation, I find out she is hiding in the closet. Then, I ask when the last time she heard or saw something strange. She gets very quiet and says that she last heard something at around 11 pm. Turns out she had been working up the nerve to call 911, sitting in the closet for 3 and a half hours.

    These are some of the more memorable ones I've had recently.

    Well that's one way to Escape the Room...

    I'm not a 911 dispatcher, however, I have a funny story involving my work and a 911 call. I work as a Game Master for an Escape Room company. We have a particular room that involves a phone, in which you need to input the correct phone number into it to progress in the room. It's not a real phone. But, one of the players had said, "Dial 911." Their Apple watch then dialed 911. They apologized and said that they were "hostages" in an escape room. Luckily the dispatcher understood they were playing a game and not real hostages.

    For those wondering, if you input 911 into the phone in that room, it will say something along the lines of "You are unable to make the call as dialed."

    Oh man I definitely don't want my phone passed around after I die.

    A friend of mine wasn't 911 dispatch but he is an officer who had to work a desk for a period of time.

    He got these two calls in successive days:

    Day 1: "I can't find my lotto ticket and I'm sure I won!"

    Day 2: "I live in Canada, but I got a text from your area code that I don't recognize and it says 'she's dead. How do we hide it?..."

    The first call was dismissed. The second actually led to two arrests for murder

    When you know you're screwed...

    Answered a 911 call from a gentleman stating someone was chasing him. He had no idea where he was other than it was near the beach. I used the phase 2 location from his cell phone to start officers while I tried to get more information because English was not his first language and he seemed extremely panicked. He's in a vehicle and another vehicle was chasing him. I heard sirens in the background and asked him if he knew who was chasing him. He said yes that it was border patrol and he was scared and refused to pull over for them. I convinced him to pull over for one of my officers and that was the end of it.

    Tldr: illegal immigrant called 911 because border patrol was chasing him.

    Worst. Three-way. Ever.

    At around 7am we got a transfer call from California call to our 911 center stating that a woman and her husband were being assaulted in their home by a stranger. No other information was provided except for the address. No prior history on the address either.

    About half a dozen officers set up a small perimeter around the house to prevent the suspect from running. A highly intoxicated male tries to run out into the backyard and ends up being tased and detained. Sounds pretty standard for the most part.

    Turns out that the original female victim had tried to video chat her friend in California while hooking up with a stranger that she and her husband brought home from a club the night before. The stranger didn't like this, so he starts screaming and freaking out to end the call. To the person in California, it seemed like her friend was being assaulted, which she definitely was not. The husband was in the corner and when the officers tried to speak to him to clarify the situation, he was too embarrassed and refuses to cooperate. The guy who was tased was evaluated by EMS and everyone was free to go about their business once there was some clarity on the situation.

    This kid is going places. Nowhere is a place.

    I used to be an emergency call taker for an ambulance service in the UK (so, 999 rather than 911!). One call started like this:

    "Ambulance Emergency, what is the nature of the emergency?" (distant echoey voice) "I'm stuck in a washing machine!"

    I thought it was a prank call (we used to get a lot) but apparently not. The ambulance crew knew the address well - there was a guy in his late teens who lived there and his thing seemed to be to squeeze into small spaces when his parents were out. He always kept his mobile phone with him in case he got stuck, which was quite often.

    The "Deep State" strikes again.

    A very well spoken lady called me to say that someone had stolen her laptop while she was working in a leper colony in Chelsea, London. This lady called almost every day, usually to tell me that MI5 had put a chip in her brain to track her activities or that her assigned officer from the Royal Protection Group had not shown up for work. Funny that. Edited to add that I was a 999 call handler/dispatcher in London.

    This is DEFINITELY how horror movies start.

    Man called me twice, at 3:00 and 3:30-ish in the morning, to tell me about the "Swamp Things." He was so drunk, I almost sent someone out on a wellness check, just to make sure he didn't pickle himself to death (though to be fair, I suspect he had long experience).

    He "Wanted it on record that if anyone hurt one of 'em, he was gone' have they a**." I assured him that I had entered that into the report in large letters (this was, in fact, true).

    He ended the second call with, "I seen 'em when I was a kid, and they're back!" Helluva thing to hear at 3:30 am on a solo shift. That sh_t's how horror movies start.

    Have you ever found yourself in an argument so stupid and/or pointless that you were sure you were being punked? Like you keep looking away from the other person to check your surroundings for places Ashton Kutcher and a camera crew could come popping out of?

    You're not the only one.

    u/Anti-hollowkid asked: What is the dumbest argument you've ever been in?

    Brace yourselves, folks. Some of these arguments are breathtakingly bonkers. The sheer number of people who are willing to argue with someone over provable facts and what that other person likes or doesn't like is just ... stunning. It's stunning, you guys. Just not in a good way.

    I Know What I Like


    My wife and I once argued over whether or not I liked mustard on my hot dog. I was for me liking mustard, she was against me liking mustard.

    The argument lasted way longer that you could ever imagine it would.

    - AardvarkAndy

    A Stair Step

    My brother and I argued if our staircase had 13 or 14 steps, based on an argument about if the floor of the second floor counts as a stair-step or not. We still have no solution.

    - RazerWolf04

    My dad is a stairbuilder and I spent many summers working at his warehouse, so I can clear this up. 14.

    - Apples9308


    My husband and I have this thing where we only say "I love you" on Saturdays. Every other day it's "I love you, but only on Saturdays." I don't know how it started, but it's been going for 11 years now.

    We're both shiftworkers, so sometimes we have to stop and think what day it actually is. We had an argument recently over whether it was Saturday or not. I said it was Saturday, he said it was Friday. It was Monday.

    - FormalMango


    I remember when I was about 13 my parents had an hour-long shouting match that ended with them almost getting divorced. The issue? Whether or not the nation of Iraq has a coastline.

    My mother arguing that Iraq had a coastline, while my stepdad argued that it did not. This was back in 2004, and they are still quite happily married to this day. That incident is something they look back on and laugh about, and both of them admit it was really a pretty stupid thing to argue over.

    - dontcryformegiratina


    With an ex:

    "I owe you $80 for the bills of ours that you pay, and you owe me $40 for the bills of ours that I paid. Here's $40 in cash; we're even."

    She did not understand this.

    I literally had to go get another $40 out of the ATM, and hand the $80 to her. Then I had her hand me the $40 she owed me.

    "Now how much do you have in your hand?"

    She still didn't understand.

    She somehow has a college degree.

    - Speedly

    Mini Wheats

    When we were kids my brother and I got in a physical fight because he said I like mini wheats and I insisted I didn't. His argument was that I always sang the mini wheats song and I was deeply offended that he wasn't aware that it was just stuck in my head but I hated the cereal. I actually did like the cereal I'm not sure why I was arguing with him about it but I remember how genuinely angry I was.

    - shicole3



    I'll tell you about the only legal trouble I've ever been in, the fight that got me arrested. It started over whether we should return a box of crayons or not, and to this day I don't have any idea how it escalated to the point of the cops being called, but they were and I was the one taken in.

    - CorrectionalChard

    That's Unfair

    My boyfriend insisted that when two people are in an argument and one makes a point so reasonable and logical the other one can't disagree with it - it's unfair. I tried, logically and reasonably, to explain several times why that is just winning the argument, proving your point thoroughly and is completely fair.

    His answer was that I was being unfair.

    - ShyAcorn

    Pure Masochism

    How the ch in masochism is pronounced. My friend caught me saying "masoKism" while he would say "masoSYism."

    To be fair, he grew up speaking French, in which the ch in masochism is pronounced in "his" way. But he insisted that I was the wrong one here and that was just infuriating.

    - argofire

    Emailing NASA

    A woman was adamant that looking at the big solar eclipse on the television was unsafe unless you were wearing glasses. She wouldn't believe us and insisted on emailing NASA to check.

    - derawin07

    A Non-Standard Ruler? 

    I worked for a company that made signs. We had a customer ask for signs that were 7mm wide that were to go on a door. Our sign makers figured the order meant inches because 7mm is pretty small, so made them 7 inches. I got a phone call from the customer who went mad at me for making them the wrong size. So I put a reorder through for 7 mm.

    Argued with the sign makers over it but they eventually agreed to do it after I shown them the order in writing. I even had the customer put her complaint in writing, reiterating the size they wanted.

    7mm signs went out and a day later I get the customer on the phone literally screaming at me.

    Cue the dumb argument - we ended up having an argument over how big a millimetre is, and obviously everyone in the office were laughing, but this customer just wouldn't accept it and said we must be using a non-standard ruler to measure.

    Ended up being escalating to the sales department manager who refused to issue a refund. We still don't know what they actually meant.

    - Lovelocke

    This Unusual Vegan Argument

    Was in a pub with a few friends, and some random Dude dropped an ear, and somehow figured I'm vegan. Well, people like him are the reason I usually avoid mentioning it. He came up to me and insisted on starting a discussion about veganism. He claimed that by the end of it, I would be eating meat again.

    He listed some stupid arguments, I told him I was not convinced and then tried to keep on drinking beer with my friends. He followed me, and wanted me to "try to convert him to a vegan." I stupidly listed some of my reasons thinking it would make him go away. He told me he still was not convinced, so I was like whatever. Again, I really just wanted to drink beer with my friends.

    That dude followed me all night and expected me to try make him vegan. Doesn't matter what I said, and all the reasons that for me are obviously good enough to be vegan. He'd be just like "No, that doesn't convince me, therefore your argument and how you life is stupid."

    Didn't matter how often I told him that I honestly don't care; 5 minutes later he would come up to me again "I'm still not vegan, so veganism is stupid, all your arguments were stupid, now give me a good reason to become vegan!" At one point, I was literally yelling at him that I don't give a single flying f about what he eats and why, that it's in no way my responsibility to "turn somebody vegan" and in no way his business what I eat.

    Honestly, for that dude, I would have bought a whole ham, just to shove it up his stupid annoying face.

    - onlytruebertos

    Monty Python

    In college my roommate and I argued about a line in Monty Python & the Holy Grail. The scene with the Black Knight where the line "Alright, we'll call it a draw" is uttered. We argued about who said that line, whether it was King Arthur or the Black Knight.

    It went on for hours longer than it should have because I was stubborn and refused to admit I was wrong.

    - Skrivus

    Albert or Arnold


    Whether Albert Einstein or Arnold Schwarzenegger would be more useful to have around during a Zombie apocalypse. How on earth would Albert Einstein come in handy!?

    - Gerrard1995

    Below Sea Level

    I live on an island and when you go upland and you look out the sea looks like it's higher than or on the same level as the land. It's just a weird perspective thing because of the horizon. One day some kid says that it's because the island is under sea level.

    I'm like wtf bro all of us would be with the fishes. He argues that no that's not true and if I just go upland I'll see. We then spend a good 5 minutes of my time arguing about it until I decided to leave this kid in his stupidity. He even said we shouldn't believe everything adults tell us and sometimes we need to think for ourselves.

    This kid was older than me and was going to a good school. Lost my respect for him ever since then.

    - -justforclout-


    Someone tried to fight with me over how to spell my name.

    Now, my name is in a lot of languages with slightly different spellings. I would have accepted any of those spellings, but this one was just... Not even close. It didn't make any logical sense.

    An analogous example is if my name was Thomas and someone was insisting it was spelled Tomash. And not just the name Thomas in general, but that me specifically, on my birth certificate, was named Tomash. I know how to spell my own name.

    I swear to god, it went on for like an hour.

    - TK-DuVeraun

    Whales Are Mammals

    I was in an online chat room one day, and we were talking about whales. I commented on how whales are mammals and the next thing you know, someone was arguing with me and trying to convince me that a whale was a fish.

    - kawaii_psycho451


    Stupid microwaves. Having a man child talk down to me about how microwaves work only for him to google it and prove me right. He slept on the sofa that night.

    - sun_phobic

    Shower Schedule

    My friend keeps telling me that the norm is that a person should shower once a week. This has been going on for years. I'm almost convinced he's trolling me.

    - LibrarianGovernment

    No Balloons For Grandma

    My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky.

    He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space. Releasing balloons is terrible for the environment and kills/harms so much wildlife.

    He got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.

    - Dskee02

    Spontaneous Dolphin Existence


    How dolphins reproduced. It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence. The argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures.

    Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day.

    - thebeststory

    Male Chickens

    I repeatedly had the argument with a friend over whether roosters were chickens. She was convinced that only the females were chickens (hens). We were 18 at the time.

    - bee_zah

    Lightning McQueen

    Me and my friend were drinking underage, we ended up in an argument of whether lightning McQueen's eyes were blue or green. Somehow throughout the whole thing both of us never thought to straight up google a picture.

    - 23071115

    But ... Ice Floats

    Waiter/Host here.

    Woman wanted ice on the bottom of her drink.

    Now read that sentence again and try to imagine arguing with that particular brand of stupid.

    - FarWoods

    Time Zones Exist

    Coworker claimed that it was the same time of day and the same season on the whole globe. Had to get 4 coworkers to confirm to him that time zones do in fact exist.

    - JustARegularToaster


    My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

    "Hey could you hand me that red _____?"

    "that's orange"

    "no, it's red"



    It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.

    - droneb2hive

    Andre 2000?


    I'm late, but I saw this question and instantly remembered that I was booted from a Facebook group because I called someone out on a lie that was not only bull, but extremely pointless. She was friends with the moderator and they made the case that my argument over such a little lie was more of a problem than the lie itself (though they didn't refer to it as a lie.)

    The woman said that she used to babysit for Andre 3000 and that his name was Andre 2000 - but he changed it after the year 2000 had passed. This was so easily disproven it was ridiculous. Their debut album came out in 1994 and he was already going by Andre 3000 at that time.

    The argument wasn't a huge long drawn out thing, but the fact that either of us were on Facebook at separate times meant that the responses were over a long period of time so this argument lasted a few days.

    It was stupid.

    - P1ST0L_Wh1PP3D

    Stars Like Our Sun

    I was arguing with my grandpa about stars he didn't believe that there are other stars like our sun. Basically he thought there is only the sun, the moon and the earth.


    Richard Nixon

    I have a degree in history. I mostly focused on nationalism. Wrote a 50 page paper on it and Richard Nixon with around 50 100 sources. Looked at micro film for hours on end. Part of the paper focused on how Nixon being chair of the house committee of Unamerican Activities was used as a powerful weapon to use against political enemies. It also inspired Joe McCarthy. Have had people tell me I was wrong and Nixon was never elected to a position besides the president and Joe McCarthy came before Nixon. I stopped trying to talk history to people.

    I also know quite a bit about the history of the Balkans its amazing how many Serbs refuse to believe Tito did anything wrong.

    Wrote 100 page paper on nationalism in Israel. Its frustrating to talk about because for some reason a lot of people think Palestinian firing rockets randomly into Israel is ok but if Israel retaliates the people get up in arms over a targeted air strike that kills 3 people.


    Balloon to Heaven

    My cousin and I argued over a balloon going to Heaven. We were at his big sisters prom send off and he let a balloon go and it went high into the sky. He then said this balloon will go up past space and go to Heaven and reach grandma (God rest her soul). And I was like no it's not and it's probably not even gonna reach space.

    And he got really mad and defensive and started telling me to google it and do my research and I'm like I don't have to google it you idiot. He was mad at me for a good week.


    Binder Clips

    I got into an argument with a co-worker over how we were attaching two pages of a letter together: small binder clips or paper clips.

    He felt that paper clips would leave a "dent" in the paper when removed, but binder clips won't. He refused to staple them together. I felt that binder clips would also leave a "dent", so we might as well just use the paper clips.

    It ended with him saying: "Do what you want [me], I don't care!" and storming off.



    Once got accused of faking being Jewish. Why? I have no clue. We argued over the course of a month, any time I'd bring it up and she heard about it, she'd begin going after me for "faking it".

    My mother's side is ethnically Jewish. Grandparents were practicing.




    3 friends and I once got into an argument about how to pronounce Nutella. It lasted for about 3-4 months. It was hilarious how serious we took it, it'd get heated but never for real serious.

    I think someone even called the company that made it to check, or that may have been for the Cheetos company. We were really bored in high school.


    Lingerie Boxes

    Late to the party, but there it is.

    I'm a manager at a small store. We're only 4 working there, so my team and I grew very close and we joke around a lot. Once during a slow shift, my employee and I had an argument because we were looking at the lingerie boxes, and I thought that two specific boxes had the same woman on it, but she was 100% positive they weren't the same person.

    Looking back, I don't know why it was such a big deal to us at the time, but we even called another employee who lives across the street to come and tell us what the heck was up with that. Turns out I was right, and she was pretty salty about it. It was a great night.


    Wicked Witch of the West

    I almost got into an argument with an old girlfriend over Glinda the good witch from Oz. She insisted that Glinda was manipulating Dorothy to assassinate the Wicked Witch of the West and convince the Wizard to leave to create a political void she could fill.

    I conceded the issue when I heard the whole premise because I thought it was too damn stupid to get worked up over.


    Keep Your Hands to Yourself

    Just the other day I legit got in an argument with my co-workers on why I don't like my butt being grabbed by anyone (I'm a guy). Seriously.

    They went on about "I don't mind it. Mike and I do it all the time and we don't care." Yeah, that's nice dude, but I'm not you, and there's something called "Keep your hands to yourself" (which was taught to a good portion of us growing up). Just like how Karen wouldn't like it if I touched her boobs or her grabbing your crotch or frankly ANY area you wouldn't like being grabbed, keep away. In general, you should not be touching me in any areas after I've told you not to several times before.

    So unless you're sleeping me or dating me, keep your damn hands off my toosh.



    My best friend and I argued over whether or not telekinesis was possible. Her argument was that humans don't yet know what the human brain at 100% usage was capable of, and that telekinesis was inside the possibilities.

    I said the brain does use 100%, just at different times.

    We didn't speak to each other for four days.



    How dolphins reproduced and whether or not ghost existed (back to back with the same person). It took me a few solid minutes of explaining to her that dolphins have reproductive organs and that they did not just pop into existence (the argument began with her saying she wanted to work with sea creatures).

    How it shifted to the existence of ghosts is a solid and reasonable question to ask (I don't remember why). I had to then proceed to tell her that ghost hunting TV shows do not constitute as undeniable evidence.

    Personally, I hope she was messing with me cause I lost a little faith in humanity that day. This was in high school SO... hopefully she was kidding.


    Dogs and Chocolate


    I told this stupid woman that chocolate is toxic to dogs. She went on to tell me how a little bit will just make them hyper and then they will calm down. I told her to google it. Her and her bf shut right up. Now they have a kid. Good luck, Jeremy and Andrea. morons.

    I should also add that this argument started because Jeremy was giving his tiny dog chocolate and I told him it was toxic.


    Is water wet?

    My roommate and I have a recurring argument over whether or not water is wet l, and whether or not a person is considered wet underwater.

    For the record, it is no to both questions.


    Mission Trip

    A kid a church telling me about the mission trip I went on. Not only was I not on that trip, but I had never been on any mission trip. We were good friends, so it's not like he would've mistaken someone else for me.

    He insisted I was there as if an entire week long trip would just fall out of my memory. He even had stories of things we'd done together. I'm not sure if he thought I was lying, joking, stupid, or crazy, but I was pretty sure he was some combination thereof.


    Dragon Tales

    One time I got into a shouting match with my mom and little brother in the car. The issue? The names of the two-headed dragon from the PBS kids afternoon show Dragon Tales. I swore it was Zack and Macie.

    It was actually Zak and Wheezie. I don't even remember why we were yelling about it.


    Green Or Yellow?

    When I was about 15 or so my mother and I spent about 20-30 minutes arguing about the color of a shirt. We agreed it was blue/green, but to me it was just a shade more blue, while to her it was just a bit more green.

    Turns out, your eyeballs yellow as you age and hers were 24 years yellower than mine, so I think that skewed her color vision.


    Stars In Their Multitude


    I once got in an argument over whether or not a line from the song "Stars" in Les Mis says "...but mine is the way of the lord" or "mine is the way of the law".

    I didn't even really care what he thought but he was so adamant and cocky that it got me heated. By the end of it we were shouting at each other and I had to apologize, which I think is what he wanted the whole time.



    My brother is colorblind. And he CONSTANTLY tries to correct me on what color things are.

    "Hey could you hand me that red _____?" "that's orange" "no, it's red" "orange" "YOU CANT EVEN KNOW".

    It is the base of our most common and heated arguments.


    Hot Water

    About five years ago, my girlfriend (now wife) once had a very intense argument about whether or not hot water cleaned things better than cold water.

    She genuinely believed that water temperature didn't matter. This is someone who has not one, but two masters degrees.

    We argued for something like 2 hours, and we seriously almost broke up over the whole thing.


    Biology Class

    I had an argument with a girl IN THE MIDDLE OF A BIOLOGY CLASS in high school about how humans are not mammals. She thought a human was a human and we are not mammals because "mammals are animals and humans are not animals"

    I tried explaining to her the difference between reptiles and mammals and how humans fall under the mammal category to try and educate her... but she just wouldn't listen.

    I still have no idea why the BIOLOGY teacher did not get involved...


    Solid Or Liquid?

    Some classmates and I got into a heated debate as to whether or not the human body could count as a soup, salad, or sandwich. The teacher got mad at us, but hey! All we were doing was watching a movie.

    For the record, my logic lays with soup- Liquid contained within a solid, at a hot temperature.