Your local tapster keeps many secrets. Sometimes, over a stiff one, they'll hear the woes of the world. Other times, with enough tequila shots and bad life choices, they'll witness things you can only imagine in your weirdest and worst nightmares.
Reddit user, u/Treketor, wanted to hear the worst stories you've seen from behind 3-feet of wood when they asked:
Rolled In Like A ThunderstormGiphy
Woman walks in. Buys a bottle of our most expensive wine (3k). Sits down with a bowl of peanuts and drinks the whole bottle in one sitting. Pays for it (in cash) and strolls outside like nothing happened.
How DARE You Ruin My Cocaine!
We used to have a bit of a drug problem in the bar i worked in back in the 90s. The manager came up with an idea to put vasolene on the flat surfaces in the toilet cubicles with warnings as to why they were there which was to obviously stop people snorting it off them. Anyway fast forward a week and a VERY angry middle aged man storms up to the bar and demands to talk to whoever just ruined his 3 lines of cocaine and that he wanted to make an official complaint! We laughed and asked if we should report it to the police, at which point he left.
Weren't You Here Yesterday?
I had a couple come in one night. They ordered a Miller Lite bottle and a glass of merlot. They hung out for bit and left. Next night couple comes in sat down I said hi, bottle of Miller Lite and a glass of merlot? The guy says "how the hell do you know that" I said it's just what you ordered yesterday. The couple says we have never been in here before. I looked closer at a very similar looking, but completely different couple from the night before. But that was their drinks of choice.
Get Me Outta Here
I once had an old man come during a very quiet shift, asked to use the loo, I pointed him in the direction and carried on whatever I was doing. About thirty/forty minutes go by and I suddenly remember that happened and I hadn't seen him leave. I hurry to the toilet thinking I've got the scene from Clerks going on, when I arrive the toilet door is locked and there's no answer from inside.
Fearing the worst I grabbed the tool kit and got the door open. Inside were a pair of shoes and socks on the floor, with a phone on top of the toilet. I freak out and run around the building searching for the guy, my brain is going mental, I eventually have the brain wave of checking CCTV. I find out the guy had ran outta the toilet with no shoes or socks on and out one of the fire escapes. I never did find out why or how he relocked the toilet door.
Spun me out for the rest of my shift to say the least.
Play Me Out, Johnny
I was working on my own and the bar was completely empty aside from one semi-regular customer. He was really drunk and decided he wanted to play the piano (we didn't have one) so he went home (only lived down the road), got his keyboard and bought it into the bar to play.
I ended up staying open late because I felt bad.
Dude and his wife walk in. They seem like normal people. Very friendly, very polite. We get chatting and his demeanor changes from light hearted to serious. He leans in and quietly says "Can I tell you something?". His wife puts her hand on his shoulder and says "Dear, please". He looks at her and says "Honey, I think we can trust him". She looks at me very solemn for a few seconds then says "Okay but keep your voice down". I was dying to know what they were gonna tell me so I had full attention on them.
They start telling me how they've witnessed inter dimensional space aliens traveling through wormholes above their house and that they've each been personally abducted. The husband kept saying "I know this sounds like crazy bullsh-t but I promise you I'm not lying". The wife, who didn't talk much during the encounter, kept nodding her head and saying "He's not wrong" here and there. I didn't really believe any of what they were saying but I just thought it was cool I finally had a crazy person bartender story.
He Was So Busy Thinking If He Could...
I saw a lot of things tending bars for 10 yrs, but this was definitely the weirdest.
Upscale restaurant, a guy approaching toddlers throughout the dining room and asking them "Do you like dinosaurs?" After 3 or 4 of these innocent-enough encounters, he suddenly jumps onto a table, squats down real low, puts on his "t-rex arms" and starts screaching like a Jurassic Park velociraptor. He's craning his neck back and forth, jumping from table to chair, to next table, stalking the kids and screaching at them. Takes a good five minutes before his party is able to corral him and get the f-ck out of there.
A Mystery He Wasn't Collapsed
I was working the bar on a weekday. Mostly super slow but I got good hourly pay and most people who come in tipped. There was a guy who came in, well dressed. Said "shot of wild turkey and a budlight platinum". He had a few of those rounds. Then he went to pay and just laid 100$ on the counter. I went to get his change and when I turned around he was out the door. I went to get his glass and bottle when I noticed he left a pamphlet and a coin on the table. The paper was for a funeral, it had a picture of the man, his wife and their daughter. They had died in a car accident. The coin he left behind had a V for 5 inside of a triangle, it said "to thy own self be true" and there was a prayer on the back.
It's My Birthday And I'll Flee If I Want To
When I was working in uni I seen my fair share of weird stuff. Like a 21 year old do a runner from her party. Said hello to all her guests waited for them to sit down and order, came up to me asked for her coat then she just bailed with all the cards.
Left the gifts.
Don't Shoot The Messenger
A woman (let's call her woman A) gave me an envelope accross the bar during a crowded/bust evening. She simply pointed to her friend (woman B) on the far side of the bar and politely informed me she was just dropping this envelope off for her friend since she was in a rush, could I make sure to pass it on to her. I passed the said envelope to woman B not thinking too much it. 5 minutes later the woman B is histerically crying and a mob of pub goers are now comforting her...turns out woman A was woman B's creepy-ass stalker and used me to pass on some ominous letter :s
The Mystery Of The Blood Puddle
Nothing terribly crazy but, this one time a little while after some guys had left the beer section of our bar, I noticed a tiny puddle of blood.
It looked as if somebody had a small mouthful of blood and just spat it out on the floor by their feet. We didn't have security cameras at the time so we didn't know for sure who it came from or how it got there.
You Do Know There Are Signs On The Doors?
Went to use the bathroom. Three girls some out of the men's room. I go in to pee. Find cocaine.
Finish up and come out of bathroom. See two of the girls and a guy come out of the women's room.
That is when I decided I'm going back to smoking my hookah and mixing drinks.
Crazy, But In A Good Way
not a bartender (I'm a server), and it's not necessarily weird, but my favorite bartender's fiancé called her in the middle of her shift to tell her that he had just gotten signed to the Seattle Mariners (MLB team).
they had just moved to my town about 2 months ago for him to play on our semi-pro team, and he apparently got scouted. she answered our work phone, screamed, ducked down behind the bar and started sobbing with tears of absolute joy and pride. she quit that night and moved to Seattle the next week (she finished her shift though, which is more than I think a lot of people would do).
The Doctor Is "In"
Back in the 1984, I was an 18year old bartender. This guy used to come in and talk to me about his problems and look to me for advice. One day, I was reading the newspaper and I see his picture heading an article for advice. He was a psychologist and answered questions from people. I thought that was so weird. Here is this psychologist asking a naive 18 year old girl for advice.
Maybe he just wanted a fresh perspective.
I think bartenders are everyone's therapist. I was starting young!
Keeping The Names In The Family
Somewhat related. I used to work in a bar across from a large hospital. I had one guy spend a lot of time in the bar while his wife was in the hospital across the street having a difficult childbirth. He told me my martinis were the best and promised to name his child after me. I of course dismissed this as the drunken ramblings of a madman.
Came in a couple weeks later and showed me the birth certificate of his daughter. She had four middle names, one of which was a feminised version of mine. To this day I'm kicking myself for not asking who the other three were named after. I wonder if any of them were other bartenders...
Like A Goose Swimming: Calm On The Surface, Thrashing Feet Underwater
Two guys walked in, looked at the drinks menu and commented on how we didnt have a certain vodka brand. I apologised for it and offered another choice. One said "No worries" in a cheerful tone and they left.
As they walked away, they turned and both started rattling and kicking the glass doors like crazy trying to get them to break. They failed and ran. There was no confrontation, and the conversation was so normal. It was so unexpected.
Your Musical Entertainment For Tonight Is...
I worked at a pub in a little country town in Australia and one night I had a semi-regular patron walk in playing bag pipes. He did a lap of the bar, walked out and came back 15 minutes later as though nothing happened.
Let's Get Em' Out. One After The Other
Had a guy get angry I'd refused him service and try to rip the TV off the wall to take home.
Regular apparently had the sh-ts and decided to decorate every toilet cubicle and door with it. Left me his underwear.
Local crackhead comes in at least once a week to minesweep. She's barred.
Caught a z list celebrity doing coke in the toilets. He tried to bribe me not to tell anyone. Politely returned his cash and told him to f-ck off out of my pub.
I've posted this story before, but it's VERY relevant here.
I work in a bar. One afternoon, a middle aged man and a teen/early twenty-something couple—a boy and girl whom I assumed were either his kids, or one of them was his kid and the other was his/her SO—stopped directly in front of the bar's big front window.
The older man and boy go to hug, no big deal. They start making out. The girl doesn't react, then inches closer. The man then reaches up and starts feeling the girl's boob while he's making out with the boy. The three of them are just standing in the street like that--the boy and the man goin at it, the girl hangin' out getting her boob fondled, looking kinda bored--until BOOM! all three pull away and act casual as an older woman about the man's age walks up. She greets everyone with a peck on the cheek, then all four of them walk away together, looking like a happy family.
There was one other person in the bar with me, a regular. We had both watched the whole thing in silence. I asked him if he saw what I saw. He said yes, and that was it. We've never talked about it.
You Never Know. Just In Case.
I ran a pub a few years ago and a guy came in for a drink (presumably on his way to the doctors or something) with a urine sample in his hand and put it on the bar while he drank.
Work in a bar? Ever seen a customer do something completely strange? Tell us all about it!
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked: