"You Wouldn't Believe Who Ordered This..."
Bartenders see us at our most open and vulnerable. Through the filters of alcohol, any bartender transforms into the most reliable therapists. However, sometimes bartenders can pick up on what kind of person you are just by what you drink. On the plus side! You didn't need to say anything. Bartenders took their turns to open up when they answered Reddit user, u/Indianfattie's question:
Bartenders of reddit : what are the stereotypes that come with specific drinks people order?
Sometimes, You're Exactly Who You Are
Pina Colada - you care more about flavor than image.
Also want to be in the Caribbean.
Meet Vinnie the Watermelon!
Used to be a bartender in a pub in London. Typical pub, you're selling a lot of beer, the odd cider or glass of wine. There was a local gangster type that even the other hard blokes in the pub used to be wary of. Friendly enough guy, but definitely not someone anyone wanted to be on the wrong side of. He drank nothing but bright pink Watermelon Bacardi Breezers. Taught me not to judge.
How Does Vomit Even Turn That Color?
Porn Star Martinis - I'm going to be loud and obnoxious all night, and my vomit is going to be neon orange when i've drank 5 of these.
Call Me The Dude
"One Caucasian Please" - neckbeard fedora dude ordered about 10 white russians from me one night and called them "caucasians" every time while chuckling to himself every time he came up to the bar
How Did They Know I Was A Mom?
If you pull up a drink you found on Pinterest and it has 25 steps and is more pretty than tasty, I can tell already you are a future "I want to speak to the manager" type of mom.
Know What You Order
Ordering Manhattans while in NYC because of the novelty, not knowing that it's mostly bourbon then saying it's too strong.
When It's That Obvious
guy walks in and puts his sunglasses on the back of his head
"Here's your Bud Light, sir"
Get LIT, Bro
Usually someone who wants to get drunk for cheap and is going to complain that the drink is not strong enough. Life Pro Tip for bartenders, before serving, fill the straw with well tequila.
You will never get another complaint about a weak LIT.
Just, No Accent
Martini 'shaken, not stirred'= Idiot who knows nothing about booze and definitely has no idea what they're ordering, and will most likely not like it.
That said, I'm pretty tolerant of most drink orders, people are allowed to like what they like, even if I don't share the same taste.
Edit: I should clarify, it's the specific way of ordering it to sound like James Bond that I find douchey and tells me the guest probably don't know what they're doing and won't like the drink, not the actual drink itself.
Know How You're An Idiot?
"Add extra vodka to my drink"
I give them the bill
"Why are you charging me for extra alcohol?"
A Surefire Guarantee
Any variety of boilermaker...guaranteed the customer is an alcoholic.
I had a guy who would regularly order 22 oz bottles of some limited run micro-brew. He preferred the beer poured over ice with a shot of vodka added. He also didn't own a vehicle, unless you count a bicycle as a vehicle. Here's to you Voodoo Child.
EDIT: Enjoying boilermakers does not necessarily make one an alcoholic. This is an unfair relationship to make. At a minimum you're binge drinking...
But, Which South?
My go-to is a bourbon old fashioned.
A bartender once told me this means I'm an old woman from the South.
Don't Mix Colors!
Vodka soda with a splash of cran will either be an obnoxious white girl or a slender gay man. IPA drinkers are bearded dads who want to ask 15 questions and try 15 samples. Long Island drinkers are almost always garbage, and bad tippers.
There is an entire demographic of female drinkers that don't care what it tastes like as long as it is pink or blue.
What Even Is A Vegas Bomb?
Vegas bombs. Either having a great time and one guy is flexing cash with a bunch of friends...will tip well
Douchebag flexing cash around random people he barely knows. Will not tip well
You Work Hard, You Party Hard, You Need A Hard Drink
The woman who ordered a Lemon Drop is the only person to this day who has screamed at me at work, so I'll say that's a drink for high maintenance a--holes
What's That Say About Them?
They want an expensive cocktail and when you tell the price they start arguing with you that it is way to [expensive] and that they can make it at home for half the price......
So, What Are You?
Guessing from the reactions I get when I order an Old Fashioned, people expect those who drink it to either be old or a fan of Mad Men.
As Long As You Know Who You Are
Pint of bitter.
I'm a middle aged man who is going to stand by the bar silently until my other middle aged man friend comes and then we're going to sit silently and watch the football and only speak to ask who's round it is.
Always a lovely bloke though.
Can We All Watch?
When a customer orders a fireball for himself, a Coke for his young friend, some blowjob shots for the two ladies with their boyfriends across the bar, and two cosmopolitans for their boyfriends....a d-mn cool bar-fight is about to happen.
When They Know ALL The Types
From my experience if you order a Bud Light/ Miller Light/ Budweiser with a shot of Bourbon or Whisky you probably work a manual labor intensive job.
Most older women want vodka with water/tonic/soda.
Younger woman tend to order vodka with cranberry or sweeter mixed drinks.
Younger men tend to order IPA's or Craft Beers.
I can always tell who just turned 21 due to all the complex sweet shots with fancy names being ordered.
Old ladies that want to party usually start with Margaritas.
I bartend on the weekends at a shot and beer spot, so I don't get a lot variety.
Just To Clear It All Up...
I work pretty exclusively in small cocktail bars. Ones that seat 50ish people tops and you're expected to be able to have a good chat with the bartender, and rely on their classics knowledge. Aussie, so we don't even expect tips. Since this thread turned into a bit of a judgement fest and some insecurity from people about their drink orders, I thought I'd talk about that.
Honestly there's not much I'd judge you for as long as you don't complain about the outcome. Unless someone absolutely knows what they want, they usually get a spiel asking what they usually like or if they like sweet/sour/dry/etc.
Long Island ice teas are a valid drink, but you're only getting 10-15mls of each spirit (aussie limitations).
Cosmos are an excellent cocktail. But it's coming out lime heavy and a nice opaque soft pink instead of the cartoonishly pink they appear on Tv.
Want your Martini shaken? Oh baby I love a Vesper Martini. But it's gonna be half gin, half vodka, and a healthy dose of cocchi Americano (the only common enough vermouth similar to the now extinct original vermouth used in the James bond original).
Old fashioned? Rum, rye or bourbon? I might throw a little bit of a spiel your way about the wonderful world of Sazeracs if you look like the adventurous type.
Want something sweet that you can't really taste the booze in? Enjoy your Charlie chaplin. You like gin tonics but don't really know cocktails? Enjoy your Hendricks smash. You like sours and want to try something knew? Bam, Trinidad Sour for the wild ones, New York Sour for something safe. You like French Martinis? Get the hell out of my bar (jokes, enjoy your Charlie chaplin).
To be completely honest, if you ever feel like you're being judged for your drink choice, then that's just pretty cruddy service. Because frankly, even if they are judging you, you definitely shouldn't know about it. If you live in larger cities, try small cocktail bars if you genuinely don't know your own tastes. If they're good enough, they should be happy to help you find something to your tastes.
We are told that, if you're not confident, you should just "fake it til you make it."
This is great--in theory. In practice, sometimes "faking it" can have extremely real and terrible consequences, which these people found out the hardest of hard ways.