Best Man Steals Groom's Idea A Week Before Wedding, And Groom Doesn't Know If He Should Tell Bride
StolenFirstDance had the perfect wedding planned - and then his best man stole his idea a week before he was due to be married. Their friendship has been ongoing since middle school - and Kyle gave OP the cold shoulder at his own wedding, which was a week before the original poster's. It's a tough spot for sure, and OP needed Reddit's guidance.
Submissions have been edited for clarity, context, and profanity.
Kyle and I have been best friends since junior high. I'm not going to go into massive detail about our friendship, but he's really important to me and we've been through a lot together.
Anyway, fast forward a decade or so and Kyle and I both get engaged around the same time to two wonderful women. It's been really fun planning a wedding with another couple and my fiance, Kacie, and I love having them around.
Now, Kacie is a bit of a control freak. She has mostly had final say on everything in the wedding, not that I'm complaining. She has better taste than me and the wedding is going to be really beautiful thanks to her.
The one thing she has let me have complete control over is the first dance. I was ecstatic. I really wanted to show her how much she means to me with this dance. I picked out Peter Gabriel's "The Book of Love" and edited a video of pictures of her and I growing up, meeting, and falling in love. And then I commissioned an artsy friend of mine to make a literal Book of Love with all our pictures in them. I've cried every time watching it. The whole thing is going to be a huge surprise for her.
The only other person who knew about this was Kyle. He kept saying how cool it was I was doing this and how he wished he'd thought of something like it.
Kyle's wedding was this weekend. And holy shit, their first dance was to Book of Love and he edited a video of their baby pictures and their relationship. My heart sank like a brick. He wouldn't talk to me during the reception and hasn't responded back to any of my texts.
What the hell do I do? I can't go through with my plan. Our social circles intertwine and I'll look like I stole his idea. Should I just tell Kacie and have her help me with a new idea? Do I tell Kyle he's not welcome at my wedding? Or am I just being silly and just go ahead with my plan despite how I feel?
tl;dr--Best man stole my wedding idea a few days before my wedding.
The first piece of advice was to tell his fiance that his idea was stolen - he can prove it.Giphy
Yes, tell Kacie, show her the book you made to prove it was your idea. Now work with her on how to handle the wedding. You can be romantic, but practical. Maybe she can help think of a new song. Lazy Kyle didn't do a book, and everyone does a photo montage anyway.
Someone even had a suggestion for a new song.Giphy
Princess Bride's Storybook Story would be a great alternate song.
Go through with it anyway - after telling fiance the truth.Giphy
I agree that what your friend did was shitty and pretty sad, but I think given that your wedding is so close you just have to let go of it for now.
You can still give your fiance the book and the video, I think she will love it and it's still an incredibly personal thing. They are your photographs and your unique story after all. She will always have it to treasure and to look at, it's not a total write off.
I'd tell her the truth about what happened before the wedding. She deserves to know that you did put a lot of effort in and that it's unfortunate that your friend messed it up for you. She will still see how much you mean to her.
Try to look at it positively, now you can choose a song together that you both love, something that is deeply meaningful to you both.
Also, screw Kyle.Giphy
The fact that Kyle is ignoring you is a pretty clear indicator that he knew what he was doing wasn't going to be well received by you. Since he can't even be bothered to respond or give you any sort of explanation I would send him one last text stating that he's no longer welcomed to your wedding. At this point he should know what he's done.
Some people may say that's too much but honestly he's ignoring you after copying something you put a lot of work into. Getting inspiration from you and asking your input is one thing...taking something that was personal to you is another.
As for telling your fiancé I think it's best to tell her before the wedding. I know it will ruin the surprise but if you decide to tell Kyle not to come chances are she's going to be worrying all day about what happened and wouldn't be able to enjoy herself.
Kyle should be disinvited.Giphy
To add to that, there's no way that Kyle's presence at the wedding isn't going to make OP angry. He should be disinvited for the simple fact that he's going to contribute negatively to the event, rather than positively. There's no reason for someone to be there when just seeing their face is going to send half the couple into a fit of rage.
And find better friends.Giphy
Your friend is an asshole.
It's petty maybe but he ignored you for a reason.
I wouldn't want to be someone's friend if they stole ideas and ignored me to avoid admitting how shitty they are.
Publicly own the idea.Giphy
Make an announcement at some point saying "I came up with this idea quite awhile ago and loved every minute of making it. I finally finished it on (date) and am so happy to share it with all of you. "
You could also add in a "I really knew it was a great idea when BFF was so wowed with my idea that he did it himself. He did a great job on his, but I must say I'm partial to mine as it features my beautiful new bride".
It's okay to brag a little, you put lots of time and effort in to it.
After all, imitation is the greatest form of flattery, right?Giphy
He could say: I know Kyle loved it. I mean imitation is the greatest form of flattery.
Stick to the plan, but make it a huge spectacle. One-up Kyle.Giphy
Is your first dance outside? If it is, then go to the closest party store and buy ALL of the sparklers and a whole bunch of lighters/matches. At some point, give them to someone you trust (cousin? Friend not in the wedding party?) and have them hand out sparklers to all of the guests. Tell them it's a surprise for the bride, and to light them during the first dance. Get the DJ/Band to lower the lights REALLY low at the start, so she is almost in the dark. Have everyone primed to light the sparklers as soon as the lights go down. Turn the music WAY up, so it's loud and dark and then the sparklers come on. You can still project the pictures, but instead of having them project onto a screen, have them project onto the whole wall if you can. Oh, and pick a new song.
If your wedding is inside, get a couple different fog machines and give out candles. Get the guests to make a ring around the dance floor (these directions can be given to them at the same time as the candles) or to take the candles off of the tables and surround the dance floor with them. Again, have the lights go down, candles go on, and fog machines flood the floor. Turn up the music and you can still project the pictures, but bigger. Against the wall.
You can do this, and you can do it better. And after you do it you tell him that what he pulled wasn't cool at all.
Just go with it.Giphy
I wouldn't change a thing, honestly. Your friend circle intertwines now, but that won't always be the case. You put a lot of work into this. Explain to your bride that your friend is a bit of a sh*t and stole your idea.
At the reception, before you kick things off, just announce, "here's something I've been working really hard on to surprise my bride. Special thanks to my "best friend" for beta testing it at his own wedding last week."
ETA: I'd just tell Kacie beforehand about your friend's douchebaggery.
Maintaining the surprise is what's most important.Giphy
So pick something new (that will surprise your bride) and commit to killing it - then in private (and AFTER the wedding) admit to her that you had worked on something that you discarded because you felt like it was going to be viewed as a copy.
Or ask Kacie if she'd like to plan any surprise for your wedding guests together... then later show her your work.
Key point here is that to you this "surprise" has become tainted and you are going to be overly sensitive about it now. You don't want to deal with that baggage on your wedding day - nor should you. If you think it won't be - then who the hell cares if someone else used it.
You are the creative genius on this venture - so spin your own ideas and make it great.
p.s. A really good one is to prepare loads of things/notes to string out on your honeymoon. A card on her pillow for her to find after getting ready in the morning... or surprise activities. That will be 100% for your bride to enjoy and that is who you want to impress anyway right?
It's time to find a new best man, too.Giphy
Well, your friend is a real asswipe for sure. Here's what I would do:
- Remove him from best man duties effective immediately. Explain to your fiancee that you guys had a disagreement and he's been ignoring you ever since. Work with her to ensure that the best man duties are covered by whatever replacement you choose.
- I would not personally uninvite him to the wedding since his wife and your fiancee seem like they're probably friends? I also think there's a chance you might regret excluding him once your wedding and the feelings from this blow over, and I don't think you'll regret inviting him in the end. I'd stick him at table 47 with a bunch of strangers for sure though.
- Set the video to a different song - I know this feels VERY personal to you but truthfully, I've seen about a dozen photo montages set to romantic music and no one will bat an eye thinking you "copied him". Hell, they probably wouldn't even notice if you did keep the music the same... but I think it will bother you so I'd choose a different song. Maybe there's something that's very specific or personal to your relationship with her? If anyone does bring up the similarities, I'd just smile and say, "Yes, I showed Kyle my montage a few weeks back - he obviously thought it was a good idea!"
- I would then, during your honeymoon or another time after the wedding, present her with the ACTUAL Book of Love that you made her, explain what happened, and ask her to share the actual first dance you had in mind privately with you. Play the song and dance together. GUARANTEE this will make this all the more special, because it's a memory between just the two of you and not a show for all of your friends and family.
Because Kyle knows he pulled a d*ck move, even though the overall theme is common.Giphy
The growing up montage video thing is actually quite common. I have seen it in several weddings. What is not cool is to choose that same song and he knows it, as shown by him avoiding you. And this really sucks because you put so much effort into it and even got the literal book of love to match with the songs. It's not as simple as choosing another song because there is meaning behind you choosing yours. All he needed to do was to pick a similar song. It's like stealing someone's ice cream, takes a bite of the waffle cone then say 'welp, I'm full' without even eating the actual ice cream! I would panick if I were you, too.
I would tell him that he better explain himself or he's uninvited. Of course depending on his answer you can still boot him anyway. I doubt he can have a proper excuse though.
As for the wedding, being so close I think you can only choose a different song or brainstorm a new idea with your wife. However when you tell her what happened, I think you should still make it romantic and a surprise. Have a nice dinner, candlelight, whatever you kids do for romance. Tell her the fact that you've planned this for a long time then present her the book with the music. So the book can still be remembered as a special moment without being heavily associated with the betrayal of your friend. After the moment, tell her exactly why and discuss what to do as a team, like married couples do.
What's Kyle's plan, by the way? Is he going to ghost the wedding? Seems like it.Giphy
He is your best man, the wedding is in a week and he is not responding. Send a message to both him and his wife telling them they are no longer in the wedding party and invited if they don't explain themselves tomorrow.
Does he intend to ignore you until the wedding day and show up at the last minute at the church or is he planning to ditch you and your wedding all together?
Also, remember - most wedding montages pick from very few songs. They're not usually that original anyway.Giphy
but come on using the same exact song??
There's literally like 4 wedding songs that keep getting used over and over again each year. My mother was practically begging me to do that "All of Me" song for our first dance and I've been to 2 other weddings since that used that song.
"It wasn't me!"
There's not much you can do when the righteous fist of the law comes down on you. Call it a mix-up, or call it a mistake, if someone's pegged you at the scene of a crime there's not much you can do but trust the justice system to prove you innocent. However, that's a gamble, and just because you've been given a "not guilty" doesn't mean the effects won't follow you for the rest of your life.
Reddit user, u/danbrownskin, wanted to hear about the times when it wasn't you, seriously, it was someone else, when they asked: