Clumsy People Reveal The Dumbest Way They’ve Accidentally Hurt Themselves.
As we grow out of our awkward teenage bodies into adulthood, most people lose their clumsiness and gain some level of coordination. But, this is not the case for everyone.
Here, clumsy people reveal the dumbest way they've accidentally hurt themselves.
1/24. I managed to put a nail through my hand with a pneumatic nail gun right in the middle of giving a safety lecture to underclassmen.
2/24. There was a low hanging ceiling over 3 small steps in my father's office. When I was young I used to jump those three steps and land like a total hero. When I made a stop at his office one summer I had the overwhelming desire to relive my youthful heroic-ness. With a running start I made the leap, I could feel myself soaring. Then it stopped.
Next thing I knew I was on my back and staring at the ceiling. My forehead caught the edge of the low ceiling and cut my majestic flight short. A bloody forehead and a few stitches later I realized reliving my youth at 18 was a bad idea. Still have the scar and left a lovely indention where my head hit the wall.
3/24. I was running in the house with scissors and stabbed myself in the foot. The hardest part was telling my mom how I injured myself, that I was literally running with scissors. She couldn't even speak she was just so dumbstruck at what an idiot had issued from her loins.
4/24. When I was a kid I had one of those high-velocity slingshots. You know, the kind that loops over your wrist and has thick rubber tubes. This one day when I was about 10, I got this brilliant idea that I could use a pencil in place of a pebble as a projectile. In my mind, the pencil was going to fly gracefully through the air like an arrow and into the pumpkin I had set up in the back yard. So I take a freshly sharpened pencil, load it up, pull it back to my face, and send it straight through the back of my hand. Pure genius.
5/24. Punched myself in the face eating a frozen Go-Gurt.
6/24. I was going to sleep one night and I was really tired. I slowly felt myself falling asleep and right when I finally fell asleep I felt like I was falling, freaked out, and punched myself in the face.
7/24. Tree hunting. I cut my arm when a tree fell down on top of me... That I was shooting with a shotgun.
8/24. I tripped over a rock and broke my arm while I was reaching out to grab a cactus because it looked fuzzy. I was just so excited to grab that cactus I didn't even look at the ground. And get this, I'd done the same thing (minus the broken arm) a few years earlier then spent 2 painful hours picking the spines out of my hand. Even if I hadn't broken my arm and instead succeeded in my original quest, it would still qualify as the dumbest way I've injured myself. I was like 10, too. So I can't even claim I was too young to know better.
9/24. 4 years old, wrestling with a large stuffed animal. The crowd (my cousin) was calling for my signature finishing move, the flying knee drop. Not wanting to put on a poor performance, I heroically climb on to the coffee table.
After a brief pause to build the tension, I leap into the air to finish off my opponent. But it was a ruse! The stuffed animal had a tag team partner, Mr. C Ling Fan!
A cut forehead and a bruised ego lead to my retirement shortly after.
10/24. Burnt myself on the boob with a hot pocket. Still have a scar till this day.
11/24. I wanted to see what the air blast from an airsoft pistol felt like. While my friend was reloading the clip, I put the end of the barrel up against the center of my forehead and pulled the trigger. That's the day I learned that some people keep "one in the chamber" when reloading to give you an extra shot.o. Gosh darn I was stupid.
12/24. Went up to dance with my gal pal whilst my sister was singing karaoke (Walk Away from Kelly Clarkson...she's a really good singer) My friend proceeded to "dip" me...fun times, right? Well, then I tried to "dip" her...wasn't as strong as I thought...dropped her on my leg...tore the ACL in my right knee... surgery, 6 weeks of disability & physical therapy.
13/24. Jumped off of my swing-set with an open umbrella expecting to float to the ground.
I was 8.
14/24. Number one: Drunk one night, stumbled and broke my left ankle.
Number two: Drunk one other night, stumbled and broke my right ankle.
15/24. Pretended to be a dying fly for a school competition. Fell "dead" onto the floor. Herniated three discs in my lower back.
16/24. When I was a kid, I was using my sisters hair rubber band to shoot her, and I accidentally shot it backwards. The metal part hit an chipped my tooth.
17/24. Stabbed my tongue with the sharp/pointed end of a candy cane. If that wasn't bad enough, I tried to stanch the blood with a kleenex. Do you know what happens when you do that? Your tongue dries out and the tissue adheres to it, semi-permanently cemented to your tongue with a dried mixture of saliva, blood, and candy cane residue. So you try to remove the tissue, right? Great idea except that you invariably leave bits of kleenex stuck to your tongue, and you also reopen the incision on your tongue. Ah, Christmas...
18/24. Shooting a firecracker from my mouth.
While drinking, of course.
19/24. I was fifteen and staying at a friends house. We were playing video games and I wanted to get a drink so I went downstairs and saw a glass of water on the table. His parents were basically mine so I didn't think they would mind if I stole the last few sips. It wasn't water. It was alcohol. I chugged and swallowed before I knew what happened. I went upstairs and told my two friends. They started laughing and we went back to playing, then I got very tipsy. We decided to go for a late night swim In his pool so we did what we usually do and jump off his roof, and into the pool. Me in my drunken state did a complete tumble off the roof and slammed into the concrete. I busted my jaw up pretty bad, hitting my chin on the ground, then I stumbled up and just fell into the pool. I got several stitches.
20/24. My friend was amazed that his normally psychotic cat was letting me pet her. Feeling pretty proud of myself, I pulled her onto my lap and continued to pet her. I heard her growling lowly, but tried to convince myself that that's just the way bad-ass bitches purr. My friend was still in awe, but getting more and more hesitant.
My DUMB bum decided to reach under and scratch her belly. I still have a scar on my lip to this day from that decision.
21/24. Poked myself in the eye when I was trying to pick my nose.
22/24. Turned on blender while holding the blade to see if I could hold it in place, I couldn't.
23/24. I sharpened my pinkie in a pencil sharpener and it took off my nail. Also, most recently lacerated my hand by hopping a fence to catch a bus that didn't leave for 15 minutes, I had time to walk around.
24/24. I broke my arm running from a bee. I tripped on a rocky spot (I was out hiking with friends) and snapped my arm.
Those of us who live in New York live this truth on a daily basis.
Sometimes, you just meet a person who isn't quite all there. It's hard to tell at first, but then you talk with them for a little while and it just becomes abundantly clear if they're two eggs short of an omelette.
The stories of how you find out are so interesting. But yet, they teach us to look for clues when we interact with others.