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Listen, kids are the literal best thing to happen to the world - as long as you aren't a fan of order or tidiness, literally or metaphorically speaking. As long as you embrace children as the beautiful agents of chaos that they are, you're good to go.

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Spoiler Alert: Bathrooms. Women (and guests in general) really appreciate it when your bathroom is clean, stocked with toilet paper, and has things like a trash can, soap and a hand towel. There. I just earned you 100 points with your friends, family, and that cutie you've been eyeballing lately. You're welcome.

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Do you guys remember "balloon boy?" He and his family are my most vivid memory of a PR stunt gone wrong - and WOW it went way wrong - but probably not in the way you think.

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Two or three days ago I was hanging out with a friend I met through my future husband. He confessed some personal stuff to me before the rest of our friends showed up. At the end of the conversation I asked him why he opted to tell me as opposed to anyone else in our friend group. His response:

"You're the kidneys."

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Artists get the reputation for being a little bit weird. You've seen it in movies and TV shows all the time. If you've seen Billy Madison there's a great example in that film. Remember the sequence where Ms. Lippy, the school art teacher, smears paste all over her face and is clearly enjoying it a little too much.

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It goes without saying, there are going to be some disturbing ideas in this article, but it's not all doom and gloom. There are mentions of harm to children and/or animals and while there is nothing graphic and most of the article is humorous, we know those mentions can bother some of our readers and we respect that. If those sorts of things bother you, you may wish to brace before reading ahead.

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