Confused People Reveal The Weirdest Gifts They Ever Received From A Grandparent

Grandparents gotta love em. From Corn Flakes, to vibrators, to spare tires, grandparents just seem to have a sixth sense for sending us the strangest gifts imaginable. Here are some hilarious stories of grandparents who are crushing the gift-giving game.

1. My granny was awesome. Hilarious, offensive, inappropriate, etc. My cousin and I once got arrested in Mexico and had to bribe the cops. She was the only one in the family we told about the incident, she reimbursed us the bribe money we paid.

Anyway, she got really sick and was in and out of the hospital. I had a new girlfriend I really wanted her to meet so I brought my girlfriend for the weekend to visit a couple weeks before my birthday. Right before I leave, she has two things to say. First, "I really like that girl, if you ever break up with her I won't talk to you anymore." Second, "I'm probably going to die before your birthday, so here's 50 bucks and one of my pain pills, you gotta try them, they're great." That was the last thing she said to me, she died a week later. RIP Granny, I miss you.


2. My mormon step-grandmother bought me a vibrator... She thought it was meant for massages. Very awkward Christmas to a 14yr old girl being asked to walk around the room and rub people's backs with it.


3. Growing up, my Grandma used to give me a twenty dollar bill whenever my parents and I went to see her. I would grin every time because in my mind it meant a new power ranger toy. Now I'm eighteen and she's ninety-one. Her hearing is bad, she can barely see and she most likely has some form of dementia. She doesn't have twenties in her purse anymore, so when she slips an imaginary bill into my hand saying "Spend it in the best of health", I say "I will grandma" and slide it into my pocket.


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4. I work at an independent movie theater in the town next to mine, and the audience is primarily elderly folk. One day a woman came in and I happened to be selling the tickets. She came up to my register and bought two tickets for herself and her husband. I rang her up and gave her the change, and she said she had something for my service. I assumed that she would hand me back the few dollars of change I had given her. Instead, she dug into her purse and gave me an old, half full chapstick. She told me to have a nice day. I got trolled by an old woman.


5. My grandfather sent me a case of .22 shells and a gallon of windshield wiper fluid. My freshman year of college, living in the dorms, with no car, and definitely no gun.


6. I got a car tire from my grandfather once just in case I needed it. He didn't even give it to my parents or brother but to the one person in the family that didn't even have her license at the time. He brought it over JUST for me. I was so confused.


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7. An older man with an accent at a party asked me "May I please touch your neck?" (at the time it was a good bit wider than my head). Being a good sport I said "yeah." He proceeded to go on about how he was fascinated by the neck muscles of well built men, while pressing my neck muscles and pushing my head from side to side. His wife confirmed this and told me he often asks young men if he can look at/examine their necks and they always say no, and that it was a pretty big day for him.


8. When I graduated from high school, my grandma came over and presented me with a lovely gift bag. Inside was a six pack of beer and a hustler magazine.

She said "you're an adult now. Enjoy."

One of the pictures in the magazine was of a girl urinating on a rock. My grandma quipped "they certainly doesn't have those types of pictures in the blue rags back in my day."

It was a nice family afternoon.


9. My grandma mailed me her hearing aid batteries inside of a Christmas card. It had my name on it and everything. When I called to explain to her what had happened, she couldn't hear me.


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10. When I got married, my wife's parents elderly neighbor gave us a Crown Royal bag full of gold coins. Each one was like .8 ounces of gold, and the total value at the time was around $12k.

Long story short, he was fairly senile, and when we went to thank him in person, it became quite clear that he had no idea what he had given us, so we gave it back. He insisted, so I told him we'd keep one coin and it was still too generous of him.


11. A blowjob.

Yeah, I said it.

I'm not ashamed, either. She was a widow, 74, but could have passed for 60 in soft lighting (and did). I was a horny 19-year-old. There wasn't any abuse or coercion involved on either side. I was working for a tree-trimming company for the summer, and we had a contract to do an assisted living home's trees. A nice old gal was having lunch on the patio of her little age 55+ apartment when I came by to prune her maple.

She offered me a sandwich and a cold glass of water, I accepted, we got to talking, she invited me in, gave me head in her handicapped-accessible bathroom (it had a seat in the shower and grab bars by the toilet -- I made some use of the latter) and then sent me on my way. Nice old gal. I like to think I made her life more exciting.

The funny thing was, she chased me out right after not because she was embarrassed about hooking up with a guy her grandkids' age, but because she was worried that her CNA would come in and think she had someone under 55 living with her.


12. A few years ago at a family Christmas party, my great grandmother decided to have a glass of spiked egg nog. Later on, my mom wanted me to take a picture with my now tipsy great grandmother. I sat down next to her and she leaned over and said, "I haven't been with a man in a very long time." Hearing this mortified me. I told my mom to hurry up and take the picture, and then walked away rather quickly. She then kissed me on the cheek. I was a bit freaked out for the rest of the evening because of that...


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13. My grandmother always used to give my mum money for my Christmas and birthday because she didn't feel like like she knew what I would like.

One time she actually did buy me something when I was like 11, it was a little book for a 6 yr old with buttons built in to look like a piano and it had songs like Mary had a little lamb (3 2 1 2 3 3 3 2 2 2 3 3 3). She immediately realized her mistake and apologized for giving me a baby present.

I learnt every single f*cking one of those songs by heart.

I miss her so much.


14. My very old fashioned christian grandma gave me a giant box of magnum condoms before I left for college. Fortunately it wasn't already opened.


15. My friend's grandfather died and afterwards one of her aunt's took it upon herself to redistribute his belongings to his decedents. So one day she met up with her aunt because she said, "I have something of your grandfather's, and I know he would want you to have it."

They go out to her aunt's car, she pops open her trunk and pulls out a large trash bag. Inside the bag is a folded up mattress. The same one he died on.

I don't think that counts as an heirloom.


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16. My grandma was looking for her cellphone and was very frustrated because she was already late for something.

My great-grandma, wanting to be helpful, picked up a small pencil sharpener in the shape of a squash and asked "IS THIS A CELLPHONE?!?!?!"

Omg, my sister and I DIED laughing.


17. One Valentine's Day, my grandmother sent me a package. I opened it, and a cigarette butt fell out (she was a chain smoker).

Inside the package was a nightshirt for a 40-something woman with some kind of middle aged witticism (wildly inappropriate for middle school aged me), and a card.

The card was an uplifting Valentine's message, and enclosed were before and after photos of my grandfather's recently removed skin cancer.

Miss you, Grandma - you crazy old bat.


18. My mum bought my 15 year old boyfriend lingerie, which consisted of silk undies, cuffs and dickie bow. This was for christmas, he was embarrassed, especially opening them in front of his 15 year old girlfriend's dad.



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