Corny People Share Their Cleanest, Funniest Jokes That Succeed Every Time

Wikipedia Commons: Texaswebscout

Not all jokes need to be dirty. Comedians like Jim Gaffigan have built their whole careers out of never telling a rated-R joke. That's why when Reddit user, scarlett_j, asked for the cleanest jokes other knew, it lead to some PG-rated laughs:

What's a short, clean joke that gets a laugh every time?

You Have It With Fried Chicken

-Have you heard of Murphy's Law

-Yes, anything can go wrong will go wrong

-What's about Cole's law?

-No

-It's a thin-slice cabbage dripped in mayonnaise and sour cream. K2P2C

What's Melania's Phrase?

The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger. Instead of yelling "Get down!" they have to yell, "Donald, duck!" ThroughDifferentEyes

And the Follow-Up....

Now that's just goofy. funkyforrest96

Car Humor

What happened to the man running in front of the car?

--He was tired

What happened to the man running behind the car?

--He was exhausted ListenToBoston

IGN

Makeup Test

The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.
She still isn't talking to me. PTSDPillowGuy

Psychic Breakout

What do you call a psychic little person who has escaped from prison? A small medium at large. eleanor61

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It Takes A Second...

I've been told I'm condescending.

(that means I talk down to people) iblinkyoublink

Wendy, I Can Fly!

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He Never Lands.

This joke never gets old. EskimoDave

Sole Theft

Before your criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.  BoxxerUOP

Pirate Humor

What happened when the pirate attempted to recite the alphabet?

He got lost at 'c.' prior_plans

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It's All A Matter of Perspective

I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me. KaboomBoxer

Say It Out Loud

What do we want?

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?

NNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOOWWWWWW Tetragon213

Suck It, Trebek

'Knock knock'

'Who's there?'

'Dishes'

'Dishes who?'

'Dishes Sean Connery' PedroBriss

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The End Of All Things

So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world. Jefferncfc

Word Humor

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible. Rndomguytf

Blind Humor

A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair. ImHully

Magical Puppies

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador. leahcure

Checking For Clarity

How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb?

Is it one or two? One... or two? Undescended_testicle

Clowns Are Scary. Not. Funny.

Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong." Moltenfirez

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Ants At A Pool

How do you tell the gender of an ant?

Put it in a glass of water. If it sinks its a girl ant. If it floats its buoyant. Mmmmmmsandwich

Might Need A Pen and Paper To Show Your Work

I poured root beer in a square glass.

Now I just have beer. PM_ME_TINY_DINOSAURS

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WAIT FOR IT...

one of my favorites. I heard it slightly differently and delivered verbally.

Person1: Ask me what's the most important thing in comedy.

Person2: What the most---

Person1: Timing 

luckytoothpick

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Final Wishes

Wanna know the last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket?
"Wonder how far I can kick this bucket..." madurosnstouts

And Batting Cleanup

Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch.

Bartender says "Pal, if you want a punch you'll have to stand in line"
Guy looks around, but there is no punch line. justacheesyguy

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H/T: Reddit

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