Society

Corrections Officers Share Which Inmates Looked Normal But Had Committed Haunting Crimes

Some jobs will just give you night terrors forever!

Prison is a horrifying place. It is brimming with society's worse. And the people who work and patrol those prisons are living in fear on the daily. Now not everyone is pure evil but plenty are, and those who keep us safe from these people lay their loves down, probably with not enough pay. Imagine spending day in and day out with murderers and lunatics? No thanks.

Redditor u/codywinters327 wanted the security workers of prisons and jails to disclose... Correction officers of Reddit, have you ever met an inmate that was actually a very nice person but did absolutely horrifying crimes? If so what's there story?


Now evil is too much...

Former CO here. I had two guys in my unit that strangled their newborns when they wouldn't stop crying. One of them was drinking and trying to watch a hockey game. His daughter wouldn't stop crying, he got annoyed, walked over and just choked her until she stopped. The other guy's story was somewhat similar, but I cant remember the details. They were both porters in that housing unit.

They were doing a lot of time, can't remember exactly how much they were given. One guy was already at year 16. Probably two of the nicest guys I met while on the job. They didn't come off as crazy degenerates and seemed like genuinely nice guys. I used to stand in the day room and have some interesting convos with them and their little crew they called the "trailer trash circle" or something to that effect. elvalko

Where did life go wrong?

I tutored in juvie. One of the boys had murdered 3 people for a gang initiation and when asked, had absolutely no remorse for it. He was a very nice, polite, and intelligent kid though who would draw me little pictures and always tried extra hard on his creative writing assignments. Had a very good sense of humor too and often made everyone in the room laugh and smile. I honestly had trouble reminding myself that he was a cold blooded murderer. Gimmemyspoon

It's deceiving... 

My dad worked as a doctor in a prison for a short time, came back with lots of stories of the inmates. He said he talked to one guy who was always friendly and chill, found out the guy had a life sentence and asked the guy why he was in prison. The guy said he had a bad lawyer. My dad looked up his information later on and it turned out he had murdered his own daughter. So yea, never judge a book by its cover. jasta85

Such a delight?

Not a CO but worked in a psych ward, in this case the guy went to prison and was eventually stepped down to our psych ward. He had stabbed his dad multiple times and killed him. He was with us for around a year so I saw him 5-6 times a week, anywhere from 8-14 hours each shift. He was so kind and polite. You would never think he had done anything remotely shocking. When his relationship with his dad would come up he would talk so calmly and normally, no real hatred or anger... yet he murdered him. If there were ever fights on the ward he would look out for staff and other patients. I won't lie, he was a delight. MsVanjee

Love & Marriage? 

RN here, I've taken care of a fair amount of detained prisoners that have been admitted to the hospital. I usually ask them what got em locked up cause I'm nosy.

I had one super pleasant middle aged guy tell me his story. Apparently he and his wife were going through or had gone through an ugly split. They were already separated when someone broke into his house with a weapon intending to hurt him. He wound up killing the guy in self defense (I assume he had a gun or something), but not before he found out his wife had arranged it.... she hired a hit man to come kill him. But, instead of going to the police after, he went to his wife's place and killed her outright.

Super friendly guy though. No idea how much of that was true but that's definitely the craziest story I've heard from an inmate. AwfulK

Death Row...

Two stories in one, I worked as a CO for a private prison in TN before I moved with my fiancé to VA, one of our units had a guy who was always generally nice and respectful, he was the stand up comic of the group in that unit. He would speak with any new young guys that came in, led the prayer group for guys on Sundays in the dayroom etc etc. My last day in the state before I moved, his name was on the news, turns out he was in jail for vehicular manslaugter while driving under the influence of meth, needless to say I was quite shocked by the crime because he didn't seem to be that guy.

The other story comes from when I was a student in community college, I got the chance to do interviews on death row in TN, most death row inmates were the most respectful and honest men I've ever met. We wouldn't speak about their cases due to legal reasons that could cause problems with their appeals but we would ask a questions about their lives and families. One of the guys was a phenomenal artist, you could give him a picture of something and he would draw it out with pencils, it would look exactly like the picture you had given him. People still look at me in shock when I tell them that death row was the most calm and chilled time I've ever spent in a corrections environment, I even felt the safest working with these gentlemen in their unit because they policed their own behavior. TimberWolf1942

It's a cast of characters...

Former CO, current Probation/Parole Officer who still works overtime as a CO. At the end of the day, all the inmates and offenders I've dealt with are still people. I've seen a group of hardcore gangbangers crack up laughing at another guy farting. I've listened to a convicted murderer have very passionate opinions about television and George R.R. Martin books. I've only met one or two inmates who were the kind of shark-eyed sociopath that movies make it seem like prisons are full of. Inmates are tough and ruthless, but an overwhelming majority just want to do their time. The_GreenKnight

Need a tissue?

Ex CO here. Had a man who shot and killed one state trooper and shot another in the groin. He sat as a sniper in the woods and shot the troopers through the windows of the barracks. It was premeditated and he nearly got away with it. He was on FBI most wanted list for a good 2 months. The Marshall's caught him as he was getting ready to take off on a hangglider. Anyway, he was the most mild mannered inmate I had met.

Always reading, never turned down his hour for REC, always finished his plate, etc. Anyway I was doing an escort with another officer to take him to visitation. He was to wear double locked shackles and cuffs when not in his cell, even in the showers. I was holding his arm and assisting him so he wouldnt trip and I felt his bicep flex and he just stopped walking and looked at me. I realized at that moment that he could overpower me without much effort, shackles or not. Turns out he just had to sneeze... My point is that whether someone is mild mannered or more primitive has no effect on human capabilities. Cold blooded killer. For a more accurate picture I am a 5'8 125 pound female. jcal4106

Fly away...

Corrections nurse here. Never interacted with this inmate, I just see him out on the yard as I come in to work. He collects bread crusts and I always see him feeding the birds, and the birds trust him and fly straight to his hand to eat. He looks like a nice enough guy from a distance, and birds only land on the hands of Disney princesses, right? Well one day I caught him in a moment: A particularly fat pigeon landed on his hand and bent down to eat. He closed his fist on the pigeon's head and flicked his wrist to snap its neck. Its body was still flailing as he calmly put it into his pocket and then put out his hand again to feed more birds. I was told he was going to cook and eat it, which made me feel a little better, but still.

And that's what comes to my mind every time an inmate is nice to me. youshouldwanttoknow

Saw them on Dateline! 

Not a CO, but I did work in a prison. Lots of inmates were seemingly decent people. One guy in particular was a hitman. He and his story were well-known at the time. When I met him, I had no idea who he was and wondered what he could have done to land in prison. When I found out who he was, I read one of the books about him. That guy was pretty brutal.

Azzizzi

Mr. Jones & Me... 

I used to be a CO at both the state and federal level. There's a lot of experiences, but one that stuck out to me was when I was a new employee working at the state prison (medium security). There was this guy- an older gentleman, who was very clean and kept his cell spotless. He was polite and never said anything vulgar to me (I'm female, so I've heard it all). One day I was looking over his paperwork, and in the "time to serve" column, it had 999999999- which meant that he had a life sentence (but was eligible for parole). I was curious so I asked my co-worker what the man was in for. My co-worker looked at me and said, "Oh, Mr. Jones? He's in here for a crime of passion. He came home from work and found his wife was in bed with another man, so he killed the guy." thisisnotacat

No reasoning...

Obligatory "not a correction officer," but I had a similar job. One of the nicest, most polite, likable inmates that I worked with was serving time for assaulting an off-duty police officer. The officer was in the hospital for months and had/has serious brain damage to where he will never recover and live his normal life again.

If I didn't know the back story and just met this inmate on the street, I would've thought he'd be someone I'd be friends with. He was kind, calm, and funny and liked by all the staff and never would've been pegged as someone who would commit such a crime. However, shockingly enough, he was never sorry about his actions or said he regretted what happened or anything. Maybe his likable personality was just a ruse, but it worked. EightyHM

I Hate Drano! 

I was on the other side of the bars, but I'll say this ... most inmates are genuinely really nice people.

When I was in jail, I met a great guy. He poured liquid drano on his neighbors but when he wasn't a complete psychopath? He volunteered at a soup kitchen and played piano at the community centre. Super friendly, charming, funny, good cook. The guy was a model citizen, except of course for the trying to kill people with house cleaners thing. niagaraphotos

No knives please.... 

Spent a few years as a C.O., the interesting thing is that the more violent a crime was, the more polite the accused seemed to be. Had a guy who stabbed his GF over 20 times and he was ridiculously polite and kind to the staff. The real pains in the butt types were the inmates that were there for some petty stuff. ziggyzoo

Evil Lives...

My best friend was a Corrections officer, he is now in investigation, but he had a guy in his block who was convicted of murdering a college girl who lived in his apartment complex. He said the guy seemed like a nice guy and didn't seem too weird until you were around him a lot. Once around him he realized this dude was a complete piece of work (Psychopath and/or Sociopath). He would be nice to officers and it would work up to being creepy nice. If ignored for to long he would even hint at telling him and other officers where the girls head is located. Yes, he dismembered the girl and so far they have only found half of her body parts. It's been well over 5+ years. berrien88

Stay Single...

Work in a local jail and had a 70+ year old man in a segregated unit (based on crime, medical status, and other factors). Talked with him on numerous occasions and is/was a very respectful man to everyone. He was very well known and liked in the local community, was a local barber for years. Well the crime in question turned out to be first degree murder. Apparently he found out his wife was cheating on him and spending his money on drugs and other things and keeping it for herself with the plan of leaving him penniless for someone else. Dude caught wind of it and followed her out to a gas station and put one in her head point blank. Showed no remorse and openly admitted to doing it to anyone who asked. Was a really nice guy though.... oif2010vet

Never a dull moment.

Worked as a CO. Two guys stand out. One was a very affable Russian guy who was always cracking jokes and all smiles all day. First or second week into the job I had to oversee him doing laundry for one-on-one for a few minutes. We were on good terms and cracking some jokes back and forth. He gets serious all of a sudden and asks, very politely, if I would be willing to do him a favor and bring in cigarettes for him. Even as a young dumb guard I realized immediately that he had been manipulating the shit out of me. Turned him down, and sure enough he cold shouldered me from then on. Looked him up and he stabbed his wife 19 times and killed her. Absolute sociopath.

Another guy was #2 in the Aryan Brotherhood in my unit, stars on his shoulders and everything. He was absolutely comical. Would frequently be playing practical joked on the guards, mooning us on tier checks. One of the guards was a half-black guy with blue eyes who our Aryan friend frequently would grant honorary membership into the AB due to his blue eyes and compliment him on being "caramel macchiato." Just a riot. His story is that he was in for something, and while in prison got initiated into the AB. Got assigned a hit on another inmate and followed through by doing his best to cut off a guy's head in the prison yard. Great dude though. Always loved working his unit. Never a dull moment. NeonRedHerring

Addiction... 

Former Prison Counselor here. - I had met a guy (same age as me ~24) who got into a terrible accident involving a drunk driver and, to make a long story short, got addicted to heroin.

He seemed like a nice guy. Small-town, good family, his parents owned a local restaurant, but when the pain-relief medical script ran out, he pursued other means to get his relief.

So how'd he get caught? Well, this was his third or fourth conviction. I don't remember his exact criminal history but it was something along the lines of, assault and battery, selling prostitutes, false imprisonment, grand larceny, and other charges.

It totally shook me because this was a guy, who on his personality alone, seemed like he would've been the type of guy I'd be friends with had it not been a prison setting. RealGrills

Just say NO to drugs... 

Former CO, had a kid who killed his dad in a Xanax fueled drug haze. Kind wanted money to go to Colorado for his 21st birthday, dad wouldn't give it to him so he stole it. Dad finds out and confronts the kid, poop hits the fan and he shoots his dad, steals his dads fan and bolts. Takes another 5k out of the bank and is picked up a week later in Sterling Colorado.

Got to know him in his pre trial detention/sentencing. I was was only 5-6 years older than him and kept thinking to myself, if I knew this kid in college we would have had similar interests, other than the whole, cold blooded killer thing.

We had another kid who killed his mom and grandma because the lamp in the living room told him to. He was a model inmate until he'd go 2-3 days of refusing his medicine. He did that twice until we got it court ordered, he either takes his pills or we held him down and the nurse injected it. Sasquatch7862

Time served...

I've got two years in Law Enforcement as a CO in Canada so my experiences are still only few in number compared to what other people might have on here. I remember the first time I ever saw this inmate, I audibly exclaimed "holy s**t" at the sight of him. 6'4, 290lbs bald with tattoos covering every area of his body. Face, head, neck, hands, lips were blacked out, this dude looked mean.

In my head before I started working at the Jail, all inmates were going to look like some variation of this guy. I was pleasantly surprised when the majority of them were below average Joe's. This inmate lived in segregation and had limited contact with other offenders. He was in on terrorism and forcible confinement. I treat every individual fairly and respectfully and this guy was treated no differently. He had great manners and spoke to all officers with respect.

About year later, my girlfriend and I went to the public library in our city to look at cook books and makeout between the racks. It was my first time going to the library and it was quite a shock. Low an behold I saw this man who was incarcerated for terrorism sitting at a table, minding his own business, reading the manga series, Naruto. Everyone's got to have hobby I guess. He didn't recognize me and even if he did he probably would have just given me a nod and gone about his business. RealBurley

REDDIT

I'm not exactly prone to winning things - but I do have one glorious moment of winnerhood that really is all I need in life. As a child, my church would throw Halloween parties every year. One year, I was handed a raffle ticket along with my trick-or-treat candy. At the end of the night, ticket numbers were called - mine was the last one called. I still didn't know what the prize was. Once I made it up to the stage to collect it, I was presented with a box of puppies and prompty LOST MY TEN YEAR OLD MIND. I thought I was just going to cuddle them, but nope! I got to pick out my brother and I's best friend for the next decade. We named out litlte box puppy Bear not knowing he would grow up to be a massive doberman who weighed triple digits.

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Listen to me, if you never take another piece of advice in your life, take this one: take any advice anyone gives you with a grain of salt. Yes, I'm fully aware of the irony happening in this article right now.

I've been on the receiving end of TERRIBLE advice. Example: I was explaining to an acquaintance how frustrating it can sometimes feel to be so short - not just because I can't reach things or because of my spinal pain, but because people often treat me like a child. They unintentionally treat me like I'm dumb, naive or otherwise incapable. That's when this person hatched their master criminal plot for my life.

I should just go ahead and park in handicapped spots and ignore any tickets I got for it. According to them, since I have occasional spinal problems I should probably have a tag anyway. I could just ignore tickets until I had to go to court, then show up in court and play naive and nobody would ever really punish me for it. Dude. No.

One Reddit user asked:

What's the worst piece of advice you've received?


Believe it or not, it gets worse. Here are some responses:

No Mom, No. 

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My mom told me that if I like a girl I should just follow her everywhere she went and give her gifts, like a vial of my blood (actually said that).

No mom. No.

- huazzy

Sleep.

"Never go to bed angry."

This was written in lots of wedding cards! We totally ignored this advice. Because if you're tired and getting more cranky you're more likely say something you will regret. We just sleep on it and in the morning, if its still worth discussing, you can go in with a clear head - or sometimes its not worth bringing up and you can both move on with your day.

- _northernlights

Never Trust The Roommate

Dating a girl in Uni, her roommate told me she "loves an*l, but is shy about saying it."

I learned:

A) Always discuss an*l in advance

B) Never trust the roommate

- billbapapa

No Effort Needed

To not put any effort into finding a partner. Just sit back and it will happen.

That might have worked once when people were more social and went to church regularly and things like that. Also it was common in the past for older people to make an effort to introduce single people to each other. Society just isn't like that anymore.

When I was single, my way of life put me into contact with very few people who were actually single and eligible and interested in me in return. If I hadn't put the effort in to meet someone I would have remained single.

- Waitingforadragon

Your Parents Don't Know Everything

My parents encouraged me to go to a University that costs $63,000 with no financial aid when I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. "You'll figure it out" they said. They also had me deny the federal student loans I was granted through FAFSA as it wasn't worth it.

I transferred, graduate in May, and that 1 year in school is 45% of my 4 year aggregate debt. Declared a Finance major so I can make informed decisions and not rely on their shitty advice. I'm trying to get into one of the best Macc programs in the country and that debt level is seriously inhibiting my ability to go if I get in.

Your parents don't know everything.

- kingbrownied1

Change Him

"Marrying him will make him change."

Followed by...

"Having a kid with him will make him change."

Followed by.....

"Having a second kid with him will make him change."

Followed by....

divorce papers and child support.

- ghost0427

Because Other Men...

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I was once taking my buddy's girlfriend for a walk because he asked me to keep her busy while he was at work. While we were walking, I stumbled upon an old high school classmate of mine who gave me that look of "damn, what you got there?"

I didn't pay any attention to it and just kept walking. After a while he sends me a message on my phone, asking me if that's my girlfriend. I told him she wasn't, I told him she was only my buddy's girlfriend who I was keeping busy. He told me to "steal" the girl and I obviously told him that's ridiculous and that I would never do something that disgusting.

His advice to me was: "Just do it because other men will always do it to you." The most ridiculous piece of advice I have ever had the displeasure of hearing.

- SirOberon

Just Do It Fast

I was learning to drive and kept nosing out to turn but couldn't see if a car was coming (I am turning they would be going straight). My friend that was teaching me simply said, 'Just do it fast'.

- Bodymindisoneword

Not Allowed

Both the worst and best advice... I'd just finished my first day of work for a company who'd hired me to work as a DB admin. Instead of doing anything related to the job title, they had me doing data entry all day in excel. I was alright with it, believing that it was just a temporary introduction type thing. Certainly wasn't what I wanted to do.

Brother asked, "So how was your first day?", "Eh, kind of lame. Data entry in excel is boring and I don't get anything out of it."

To which he responded, "Word of advice, you're not allowed to not like any part of your job. You can like some things more, but never dislike something."

I quit the next morning after having a complete nervous breakdown resulting from thoughts like:

"Is this what working is? What's the point of even existing if I'm not allowed to dislike (and subsequently try to avoid) jobs? Why would I ever want to go through life doing what I hate and trying to smile about it like it's alright?"

I certainly reacted more poorly to that experience than I had to any before in my life, but it made me realize that I would rather be homeless or dead than live working a job I hate for someone I've never even met in a company that doesn't care about me.

I work for myself now, and sure there are still things I have to do for my own business that I may not like... and I may not be all that successful, but everything I do now is for me. I love what I do and wouldn't trade it for any amount of financial security.

- cascade_olympus

Break Up Because You're Happy

Some of my high school friends told me to break up with my boyfriend because we didn't fight. Apparently that meant there was no passion in our relationship. We didn't fight because we discussed problems in a rational manner, rather than screaming at each other in public displays (which were common among this group of friends).

Fifteen years later, I'm happily married to said boyfriend, and haven't talked to those 'passionate' friends since high school ended.

-othybear

So what's the worst piece of advice you've ever gotten? Tell us your stories.

H/T: Reddit

I object! Where is the open bar?!

There are a few requirements that are a must at every wedding, or at least they should be a must! It's a no brainer... a couple in love, music and a cake. Seems simple enough! It's suppose to be a celebration, not a prelude to a funeral. If your guests are having to put the wedding together for you during the ceremony, or fainting from starvation, or bored out of their skulls because you've allowed family and friends to relish in their fifteen minutes of fame threw self-indulgent speeches... YOU HAVE FAILED!

Redditor u/RedxSmoke was wondering what almost brought them to an "I Object" reaction by asking... What is the worst wedding you've ever been to? What made it bad? Now toss the bouquet!

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We should know our worth when we are working. This goes for anyplace: school, our jobs, our home life. And we know when we can stare somebody in the face when they're challenging our worth.

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They say revenge is a dish best served cold, and I guess that's true for major stuff. Like if someone assasinates your lord, leaving you and 46 of your homies as ronin samurai and then dude takes your girl, too then OBVIOUSLY you devote yourself entirely to plotting and exacting your revenge. Don't even get me started on the merciless vengeance that you can expect if you mess with John Wick's dog. If Hollywood has taught us anything, it's not to anger Keanu Reeves. He's just out here trying to live his life in peace, so he may seem like an easy target, but he WILL end you without even breaking a sweat. There's no sweat in revenge this cold.

But what about the minor annoyances life has to offer? Do they really deserve cold revenge? What about petty lukewarm revenge? Can it be just as delicious? Short answer: YUP. One Twitter user asked:

What is your most memorable story of petty revenge?

Honestly, these don't need a major introduction. It's a parade of pettiness that made several people cackle wickedly. James, whoever you are and wherever your doughnut fingers may be right now, we hope you're happy with yourself, sir. Yours was perhaps the deepest betrayal.

Concrete Pumpkin

I have a friend whose pumpkin\fall display at the end of his driveway would be run over by the neighborhood jerk. It happened every year. Friend decided to put a stop to it.

He withdrew money from his savings account so he would have enough to buy the largest pumpkin he could find, along with several large bags of Quikcrete. filled that puppy up and made a real pretty display.

The jackass broke the axle of his sh*tty car when he hit that pumpkin and could not drive away. My friend had his car towed away, too.

- cuddlenazifckmonstr

Lunchwars

My coworker throws out her lunch in the garbage can at my desk instead of her own, because she claims she can't stand the smell of old ketchup that's been sitting out for a couple hours. I've asked her several times to stop, but she will then just wait until I get up to go to the bathroom and do it, and hide my garbage can under my desk so she thinks I won't see it. There's no reason for it. The cafeteria offers lids for the ketchup cups, so she could just put the lid on it and throw it away - but she refuses to get lids and insists on leaving her food garbage to stink up my area.

Now, when she does it, I wait until she goes to the bathroom, take out the little plastic container that she had ketchup in, and put it way in the back of her bottom desk drawer. There's 6 in there now, the oldest is over a month old. So far, she hasn't noticed the smell. Gonna keep doing it and see how long it takes her to notice.

- Brunurb1

Ring The Alarm

Giphy

In response to an (admittedly pretty good) practical joke, I hid seven battery powered alarm clocks in the perpetrators room. Set them to go off one by one roughly every 40 minutes between 2 and 6 AM. Last one was hid in the ceiling.

- pancakesareyummy

Pay The IT Guy

Someone owed me $50 and refused to pay, so being in IT I reduced their Mailbox size so they could only hold around 10 e-mails, removed them from distro groups so they missed important group e-mails, and every day for like 3 months I went to their account and checked the little box "Must change password at next login"(We used an elaborate pw scheme).

- roguemerc96

The Austin Powers 20-Point Turn

There's a new truck in my apartment's parking lot. Whoever owns it always parks it taking up multiple spots, ALWAYS. Weird angles, close to the stairs, all over the place (no assigned parking unfortunately). Months of this.

I drive a much smaller car than that, and I'm petty/passive aggressive, I've been waiting for my chance. A few days ago was my shot.

I got home quite late and there were zero spots open in my lot. Big truck is parked across 2 spaces again, but there's juuust enough room on their driver side for me to sneak in there with my little clown car. I carefully pull in, making sure not to touch anything, no damage, no nothing. My passenger side mirror is half and inch from their driver side door. I giggled to myself all the way back to my apartment and set an alarm and waited. The following morning I wake up before the alarm to loud door slamming and stomping around. I check out my window and I see the double parking culprit walking around both vehicles, taking pictures, texting someone, taking more pictures, I'm shaking with glee. They then swallow their pride, let out a visual sigh, and climb in the passenger side, clamber over the center console, and Austin Powers 20 point turn their butts out of the spot.

I've never been so proud of myself and my sh!tty, petty, passive aggressive ways.

- Here2Lol

No Labels

My brother did something to his annoy his then-girlfriend. So she took the labels off all his canned food/tins in the cupboards. Are you opening a tin of beans? Or a tin of tomato sauce? Or cat food?

Kinda hilarious.

- WhoriaEstafan

Don't Mess With My Dogs

I found out my then boyfriend was cheating on me. And he threw my dog across the room when we were discussing what he had done. I moved out immediately. More for hurting my dog than anything. So as I was moving out I took his entire porn collection and microwaved them one by one. It only takes 3 second each. Took me about an hour to go thru them all. I put them back in the case, then back where they belonged. Not sure if the microwave was still usable, did not really care. He was also a manager at a restaurant and would bring home tons of food. They had really nice coolers that the food came in so I called the GM and explained I had moved out and that I wanted to return the boxes. He lost his job. Then I was getting collection calls for him, so I gave them the new girls work and personal number so they could find him. He's her problem now.

Don't mess with my dogs.

- Phoneprincess

James Has Doughnut Fingers

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Back in the late 90s I worked at Best Buy and one Saturday a month we had to come in 3 hours before the store opened (so 7am) for a mandatory all store meeting where we watch the video from corporate, give out employee of the month awards, go over department goals, and the like.

Well, there was a guy in our department James who was a pretty crappy worker and showed up to the meeting an hour late and the manager took him aside and fired him. Apparently the manager didn't watch him on his way out of the store and he went into the break room and stuck his finger in every single doughnut they brought in for our break. So literally the only mild positive of getting up at 6 on Saturday was ruined.

20 years later and I still miss that doughnut.

- profJesusfish

Brake Check

My friend in high school was such a drama queen but it worked out hilariously sometimes. He was cut off by a driver who had no brake lights and it pissed him off so badly that he followed until a cop was behind, merged around the guy and then brake checked him so the cop would see that he had no brake lights. The holler he let out when the cop pulled the other guy over is still one of the funniest moments of my life.

- ohheyitsshanaj

"Broken" 

When my wife and brother in law were younger, she got the best petty revenge on him for something they don't even remember. My brother in law did something to irritate my wife back when they were in high school.

My wife turned off the TV, wrote "broken" on a piece of paper taped to the TV, shut off the power strip, and flipped the batteries around in the remote. Took my brother in law several days to figure it out.

- SteevyT

H/T: Reddit