"Fair Doesn't Necessarily Mean Equal"—Couples Share Advice You Need To Hear Before Moving In With Your Significant Other
"Communicate early and often."
In genera, it's hard to take advice, but it's especially hard to take it from someone who hasn't been where you've been. How could they understand your life's intricate challenges? However, if you take your head out of the sand and just listen to someone who's gone further than you, it's possible to learn a lot. Case in point, couples that have moved in with a significant other. What can they teach us?
Reddit user, u/stilladoreyou, took to the internet and asked for the wisdom of those who have traveled when they asked:
Redditors who live with their SOs: based on your experiences, what is one piece of advice you would give to a couple about to move in together?
We're Not All The Same
Fair doesn't necessarily mean equal.
Communicate early and often. Each person will experience hardships, so be kind and pick up slack when your partner needs it, because sooner or later you'll need some compassion.
Don't Keep It Locked Up
Talk about the little things that bug you right away don't let it build up till you hate the way they breathe across the table.
Double That Fluff!
Get two comforters for your bed.
Dollars And Cents Are Not Taboo
Talking about money and what you want for the future is necessary.
For The Guys:
For him: don't be surprised you need not 2x more toilet paper than before, but more like 10x
And for anyone still wondering where the tp goes or getting frustrated by it - remember that we ladies need it every time we go, not just #2. And periods. F-cking periods.
You'll Discover New Things
Inevitably you'll discover annoying habits about your SO that you never noticed before.
Try to be patient and acknowledge that everyone has their own way of doing things, and every relationship involves a period of adapting to each other's quirks. In the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter if the toothpaste is squeezed from the top or bottom.
You're In This Together
Don't make it any one person's job to do one or more particular things, because if that person is feeling demotivated and doesn't want to do "their job" for a day or two, the other may resent them for it because they're used to having it done.
I was "in charge" of making dinner every day when I lived with my ex. A couple days came around that I just wasn't feeling it and wasn't even hungry and didn't want to cook, and I ended up getting yelled at and called lazy and selfish because I didn't cook for a couple days. We were together for three years, and I had cooked about 98% of those days, with the other two percent being dinner at somebody else's house or we ordered pizza/went out to eat.
Am now out of that relationship and in one that I do still cook quite a bit, but not every day and it isn't "my job" to feed him. He does a lot of the outdoor work, but I still help out with it. I do the majority of the inside work (cleaning and such), but he helps with a lot, too.
Relationships are a team effort, both individuals have to give just as much as the other and BE A TEAM together rather than be on opposite sides.
Know Why You're Doing It
Do it as an active step towards committing to the relationship permanently, not to save money or for convenience
THIS. this advice is not followed far too often. Dont move in to save money. You'll end up breaking up, breaking a lease which is expensive or scrambling to find a new random roommate to cohabitate with and despise.
DO NOT move in for convenience.
You Are Not The Same Person
Realize that living together doesn't necessarily mean you have to be up each other's a-- 24/7. It's important to still do stuff you enjoy and take time for yourselves without feeling obligated to constantly do stuff together. Other than that, communicate stuff that bothers you in a way that won't be hurtful towards your partner
No One Makes The Rules But You
Let your home and relationship be whatever the two of you want it to be, learn to let go of ideas of what you thought it "should" be.
Little examples: over several years and moves, we almost never used our couch or loveseat, and were never in that room. We realized we only kept them because houses are supposed to have living rooms with couches. We got rid of them and now use that room all the time for yoga and crafts and sexcapades.
Spent several years waking up cold and sad with no blankets because they were now completely wrapped around my wife, and she'd get so annoyed if I tried to grab a corner back. Ugh! We finally realized having separate blankets wouldn't separate us, and now we're both warm and happy.
We thought sex should be spontaneous and that it would be so sad, unromantic, and a Bad Sign if we had to stoop to scheduling it. Heck no! For us, somehow scheduled sex became the key to spontaneous sex too.
We keep a Christmas tree up all year because there are no overhead lights in that room and the tree lights plug into the outlet controlled by a switch, making it an effective lamp. We'd have no room to store it otherwise, we don't like lamps but needed light, and we f-cking love the forest, so it's fun to "go camping" out there when we can't really get out. Maintenance people look at us weird and our families laughed at us, but for us it works!
You're adults, which means you don't have to "play adult"- just do whatever tf you want to do! Be brave in your vulnerability, constant in your love, and resist the urge to view annoying habits as deficits in character.
Live with your S.O.? Got a tidbit of advice to share with others who are about to take the leap? Share it with us!
Laws should always protect the people, ALL the people!
Laws are amiable. We know this. They often change with the times, with enough revolution that is. Laws are there to protect and serve, however they can be too complex and just downright odd and often absurd.