Couples Share The Weirdest Things They've Done Together
Being part of a healthy, fun, committed couple is honestly one of the coolest things in the world. You and your partner get a bunch of inside jokes, you've got a built-in sidekick for shenanigans, and even the really boring or terrible things are a little bit better because you're not alone. Your partner will probably be the person who makes you laugh the most, knows your secrets, and is right there by your side for all of those nights that turn into stories.
One Reddit user asked:
What's the weirdest thing you've done with your partner?
Honestly... this is all love. Some of it is really gross or probably illegal (both?) but it's all love. Here are some of the more epic responses.
Just Get It Out Of Your System
One time we went on vacation in a coastal town and got absolutely sh!tfaced together. Our hotel was in a walking distance so we went back after our shenanigans. We both hopped in the shower together and I sat on the floor because I wasn't feeling well.
I jokingly said that she should help me throw up so I could get it over with, and without missing a beat she shoved her finger down my throat and I threw up all over both of us.
Best place to be at that moment was the shower so it all worked out.
We are getting married. I can't wait!
We've been married for 4 years, every night after we are done cuddling and turn opposite ways to sleep we press our butts together and make kissing noises. Like our butts are kissing each other goodnight.
Her Cup Runneth Over
My husband and I have a ritual where every night after he gets out of the shower he approaches me naked and allows me to cup his balls for 10-30 seconds. It's completely non-sexual and I cant even remember when we started it.. but it's a nightly occurrence now and I get upset if he doesn't let me :)
Ok, I Help
My boyfriend let me aim for him while peeing once. I asked if I could help as a joke while I was in the bathroom for something else and he's like 'uhhh..?' it wasn't a no and I'm the type to play chicken in the 'how weird will you let me get' sense. So I took hold while quietly repeating 'I help? Ok, I help' periodically.
It's a lot harder to aim than it looks.
We got super high one night and downloaded the PDF of the Cheesecake Factory menu and then continued to laugh for hours at how many pages and options there were.
I had to the urge to lightly bite her knee. Found out it's a very weirdly placed erogenous zone for her and she feels weird now. I do it from time to time and it's only gotten more sensitive, so now it tickles her, but only if I lightly bite it.
An Unfair Advantage
My ex and I had a weird little competition that endured 6 long years.
Whenever we showered together, we'd try to sneakily start peeing on the other one without them noticing. Bonus points for finishing completely, or getting them while they're facing you.
I could only really get him while he was shampooing - but his parts gave him an unfair advantage.. so he def won.
We compete for First Boop of the Day (but neither bed boops nor car boops count because bed boops are too easy and car boops are dangerous), and we compete annually for First Boop of the Year (FBotY) (Edit: a boop is when you poke a nose softly with your index finger)
FBotY is very important & prestigious -- if you lose First Boop, you have to wait til next year for a chance -- no best 2 out of 3 or any of that nonsense. I have won FBotY 4 out of 6 years that we have been playing. The first year we did FBotY, we practically fought for the boop and almost tripped over ourselves/poked our eyes out in the process, plus it made the new year's kiss very tense because we each wanted to win first boop immediately after the kiss. So now we have enacted a rule that FBotY can't actually be on Jan 1st or any day in the beginning of January that we are officially celebrating New Year's because it makes New Year's ultra competitive immediately.
We dressed up in shitty 70's sweaters and took photos in front of the Christmas tree holding our cats like babies and looking slightly to the left. It was...hideous. So we sent them as our Christmas cards. Now we have a tradition of doing really sh!tty photos.
That Bright Green Smell
My wife and I went shopping for a new perfume. My wife can't smell. Or at least every smell and taste is muffled. I try to communicate smells to her in a way that she can understand - like colors. We forget how weird that must sound to other people. So I was tasked with deciding which perfume she should buy.
At the store the perfume lady took a tester, sprayed perfume on it, handed it to my wife who directly handed it over to me. I sniffed on it and declared: "No, that's not you. That's too pink." The perfume store lady seemed a little bewildered, but went on to the next bottle.
The next one was too fruity - or "orange or red" - and we finally settled for a "bright green and blue" smell (fresh, herbal fragrance).
Meanwhile the perfume store lady was totally confused and asked in all politeness if we were screwing with her. So we told her how I always describe smells with colors to my wife so she can have a sense of it.
Whenever we'd go to Target we'd play "stalker." We'd split up, and i'd go about my shopping, and my boyfriend would follow me around at a distance and kind of peek at me from the end of the aisle. If i caught him looking at me, he'd awkwardly pretend he was looking at whatever he was standing next to. This would go on for a while until i needed to talk to him about something, (or vice versa) and one of us would text the other and he'd come walking over like nothing happened. It would always crack us up and it was only at Target.
A Crab's Uncle
My partner gets really tired and will say the most random ass things when she's a certain level of sleepy. For example:
Her: I have a... starts making crab claw motions with her hands
Me: You have a what now?
Her: You know, a...continues to crab
Me: I don't understand.
Her: You know! It's...it's a crab's uncle.
Me: ...a lobster?
(She does not have a lobster.)
The Wal-Mart Rescue
I was 8 months pregnant and my husband and I were in Wal-mart, I accidentally sneezed and peed all over myself (almost thought my water broke) I started to cry out of fear that someone would see and all of a sudden my husband grabs a bowl off of the shelf sticks it on the floor between my legs and starts making ambulance noises circles me rips his sweatshirt off which he wasnt wearing a shirt under wraps it around my waist, picks me up, and runs out of the store shirtless, yelling her water broke her water broke clean up on isle 6 we get to our vehicle almost dieing from laughter and I look at him and say my water didnt break and he says i know sweetheart and reaches in the back and grabs a pair of pants from a bag... I guess he packed me what he called an emergen(wee) (pee)ants bag. He's my hero.
...And It Worked
My boyfriend's ears were blocked and he kept trying to pop them himself (by blocking his nose and breathing out) but it wasn't working. So I, being a concerned girlfriend, suggested maybe they had to be popped by air going IN through his nose. Long story short, he closed his mouth and I clamped my mouth around his nose and blew in AND IT WORKED.
This is very weird and I've never told anyone. Sometimes when we're bored in bed I'll hold his dick and play with it so it looks like his penis is singing via the urethra. Just lightly opening and closing. I'll do weird broadway vibrato songs and whatnot. I think he just tolerates it lol
Does buying 34 porcelain nun figurines at the dollar tree and sneaking into a convent to hide them in strange places count?
My girlfriend and I went to high school together and many years ago when we had a physics class together, she somehow left the lab with a 1 kg weight hooked on her backpack and made it all the way home with it. We both laughed about it and I broke the news to her that she is a theif now. She proceeded to secretly hide the weight in my bag to pawn her crime off on me. You can guess what I did next when I found it.
7 years later we are still hiding this 1 kg weight in the most unsuspected places we can think of to prank the other.
A few spots that come to mind: Jacket pockets, sock drawer, winter clothes in storage, purse, dress shoe, bag of rice, pillow case.
She doesn't know but right now I've got it hidden in an antique camera bag under some film capsules. Could be year(s) before she finds it.
Interpretive Poop Dances
Each of our dogs has a distinct way of pooping. Our sheepdog mix will hunch over and walk as she poops, scattering it. While our pom-pug will ninja it and then kick dirt you into the other dogs face. So my husband and I created interpretive dances of their poops and performed it for our friends... several times.
Life In Harmony
We're both musicians, so we like to practice our harmonies by singing directly into each other's mouths while lying in bed. I especially like to sing a really close harmonies so the vibrations are really strong.
Scientifically Accurate Dinosaur Noises
Cuddling while making dinosaur noises. My now-fiance got back from one of her lectures, during which she learned what dinosaurs may have actually sounded like based on their anatomy. I asked her what they believed dinosaurs really sounded like and she slowly looked up from her laptop and proceeded to scream (almost similarly to Dory in Finding Nemo during the whale calling scene) and I quote: "HHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHH".
We went on making these odd dinosaur noises for about a couple of months, sometimes either one of us would go in for a kiss only to be greeted by a very loud dino HHHHHHHUHUUHUHHUHUUUHUUUUHUHUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, or so the saying goes.
The same can be said for your interactions with cops, most of whom are perfectly happy to let minor infractions slide––When was the last time you were actually ticketed for jaywalking?––provided you're not a total Karen should you interact them.
Your local police officer likely doesn't care about jaywalking or the fact that you went five miles over the speed limit unless you give him a reason to, as we learned when Redditor Takdel asked police officers: "What stupid law have you enforced just because someone was an a-hole?"