Couples Share Their Dirtiest 'How We Met' Stories That They Can Never Tell Their Family.

Not all couples have an 'E for Everyone' story of how they met. Sometimes, they can be quite lewd!

Below are 21 stories of couples who met in...shadier circumstances, and why they can never tell their family!



1. We had been friends for 7 years, never talked about dating. We go to a bar one day, have a few, and I send my brother a selfie saying "hey, remember her?" He responded with "bang her".

I try to hide the text but she says "no no what does it say?" I show her the text and she says: "why not?"

That woman is my wife now.

askmrlizard

2. Was sitting in a bar at last call getting ready to leave, bar maid says: "Don't leave yet, I have some acid and I love to do it when I trip". Together for 25 years. She past on last year and I miss her so much.

macnslaw

3. She called me to let me know my (now-ex) wife was cheating on me with her boyfriend. We started dating a few months later, now together over 8 years.

zandyman

4. Started dating a stripper I met at the club. It's been like 3+ years now. It's amusing to watch us squirm when people ask us how we met.

RdmGuy64824

5. I met my husband at a strip joint. I was making sure my thigh high fishnets were even before going on stage and caught him staring at me with his mouth hanging open. I laughed and rolled my eyes. He closed his mouth and grinned back.

He tipped me a 20 while I was on stage and I sat with him the whole night laughing and talking. He tipped me every time I was on stage but never asked for a dance and I never left his table unless I had to. I only made $120 that night.

20 years and two kids later, he passed away right before our 17th anniversary.

photoautotroph

6. We met at a BDSM/fetish club. We were briefly introduced and within 5 minutes he had me blindfolded, said nasty things to me, and hit and pinched me until I cried. A lot.

We've been blissfully married for 15 years now.

rubberlovinwife

7. Met my boyfriend at the strip club I was working at. It was his birthday and his buddy paid for him to go to the champagne room with me. I didn't really do extras, but after talking for like three hours I decided I really liked him. And we're still together four years later.

RikkuRose

8. I was drunk acting like a dummy at a Halloween party. I had never seen him before and took a fancy to him. By the end of the night we were doing it, and 4 months later we were dating. It's been 2 years since.

Yiffing_Time

9. This girl I had met texted me asking if I wanted to come swimming. A bunch of our friends were there, but afterwards only me and my friend and two girls wanted to stay out and drink. We all went back to my friends house and somehow it came up that the girls would kiss if me and my friend did. I gave my buddy a peck on the cheek and the two girls made out. The two girls told us they would match whatever we did, at which point, my friends stoned roommate came wandering into the kitchen and hollered "you two should touch penises so they have to scissor". So naturally, we whipped out... (Continued)


Our penises and slapped them and the girls were immediately out if their element. They asked if they could just fool around topless instead so we agreed. After a few minutes of them fooling around, I grabbed one of the girls clothes and took off out the front door. She chased me and when she went for the clothes I kissed her. We made out and ended up going back inside and having sex on the couch. Five years later and we're married and she's pregnant.

TheTunaSurprise

10. We tell people that as soon as we laid eyes on each other, we went looking for a bed together. The truth is I worked at an outdoor ed camp, she came as a chaperone for her niece's 6th grade class, and their cabin was short a bed so we had to go find a extra one. But, married 25 years now.

YYURYYUBICURYY4ME

11. Roamed Tinder for a few hours and decided to try out being a 'dick pic' guy. Got a positive response from a cute girl and ended up hitting it off really well with her. We're now engaged after 3 years! She still gets the occasional dick pic.

inactivities7

12. I was dragged out of the house by my buddy to meet up with some girl he liked and her friends. I really didn't want to go but he kept telling me that it was going to be awkward if he was the only guy there in a group of girls. I went along, we got to the bar, I introduced myself to the group of girls but one of them didn't say anything or stand up. She just sat there on this swing (it was an outdoor bar with bench swings). So I immediately thought, "That girl is lame" .

I end up drinking alone and drunkenly stumbling around the bar until I end up back at that swing. Low and behold, this girl is still sitting there, this time alone. I decide to go see why she's such a bummer and plop down next to her on the swing... (Continued)


I then lean over and say "Hi, we didn't get to meet earlier" in a sarcastic tone. She looks over and mouths something to me. I yell, "WHAT?" to which she mouths the same thing again. So drunk me yells, "We are in a bar, you have to talk louder". Then the music cuts out for a seconds, she leans in and says, "I can't talk very loud, I had surgery on my throat for my cancer" and the only thing I could think to say back was, "OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST BEING A DOWNER! DO YOU WANT A DRINK?"

Later that night I asked for her number in a taco bell. She gave me the wrong number. I ended up seeing her out again a couple weeks later (sober) and slowly started to win her over. 5 years later we are married.

rmw156

13. I actually met my husband at work, but...

I had recently dated and broke up with a guy I had been crushing on for years. I decided I was going to have a fling. A one night stand. My boss introduced the new guy to me and said "She will show you everything." Hell yes, I will! After all, he had a cute butt.

He just never went home. We dated for almost 3 years, have been married for 24. Have a 21 year old child too. Still love him and he still has a cute butt. My first and only attempt at a one-night stand. Failed miserably.

mel2mdl

14. Was out for my birthday one night, obviously I wanted to get my end away so I went to find a coworker who I knew I could get it on with (had done a few times before)

Instead, she introduced me to her friend who almost immediately rammed her tongue down my throat. Not long after that she dragged me to the girls toilet and we did the dirty before getting kicked out of the club. Walked her home because I'm a "gentleman" then we did it in the back of her car.

9 1/2 years later we're engaged and have a 2 year old son. Also, she hates that story.

r0baj0b

15. My parents lied to me for years. They told me they met while they were in college. As it turns out, my father was in the navy. Stationed on the west coast. My mother lived in Washington DC. My father was with my mom's roommate. Dad comes back to see family in CT, takes a ride down to DC to see his lady friend. As it turns out, lady friend found someone else, and passed my dad off to my mom. Dad gets there, everyone is in a jolly mood, they start partying. It doesn't end for 2 weeks. They claim "it was the 70's, we were just having a good time." 10 days into this party, My mom ended up passing out on a commuter train when she finally had to go back to work. Dad came to pick her up, they went back to the party. Eventually my father goes back to the west coast, my mom comes to visit a few months later. He proposes as my mom gets off the plane. They'll be celebrating 38 years together next April.

HaystackMalone

16. My now-wife and I met 7 years ago on Okcupid - that part we tell people. The part we generally leave out (at least with family and coworkers) is that our oh-so-romantic first date was just a playful meetup arranged after less than 10 messages to each other, nothing more and nothing less. I went to her apartment, we were making out 5 minutes later, I saw her boobs for the first time 5 minutes after that, and we had done it for the first time 10 minutes after that. We didn't even exchange last names.

After several more similar meetups, we went on our first "date" to a restaurant a couple of weeks later and actually had a conversation about our lives and jobs and thoughts and stuff. Then I started hanging around her apartment more and more after, walking her dog sometimes, we started watching a couple TV shows together, we started going to more dinner/movie dates together.

About maybe five weeks after first meeting she asked me straight-up if we were now boyfriend and girlfriend and I was like "Yeah, I guess so."

Then came the first "I love you"s and meeting her parents and being there for rest other in times of stress and need and moving in together and getting a new place together and sharing finances and getting a cat together and getting married and building a life, etc etc, and now we're just a happy but standard boring suburban couple who no one would ever assume anything kinky about.

But yep, the span of time where I had met my wife but not yet seen her boobs was about 500-600 seconds.

Arkeolith

17. Met at a party, made out so that some other creepy guy would stop talking to her, exchanged numbers, met for drinks a couple days later, went back to her place.

We clicked instantly but spent a couple weeks keeping it casual because each of us didn't want to freak out the other person by jumping into things too quickly. We've been together seven years all told, married for the last two.

PapaSmurphy

18. I met my now-wife at a party at someone's house in the country where there were several hundred people in attendance, two months before graduation. There were kegs aplenty. My best friend was in the band, and he took my request when I saw someone I wanted to dance with. We took things outside and walked into an unfenced field, both pretty drunk. We slipped on a grassy hillside and fell down together. Pants came off in no time. She had a very unusual last name and I spent half the remaining night in a drunken haze trying to remember what it was, and the other half trying to find it in a phone book.

The graduation was high school graduation. She was my high school sweetheart. That was almost 43 years ago.

Odd_Bodkin

To the last page for the best answers yet!

19. Bought my first house. I figured I would be single forever. Decided to throw my own house warming party. Friend of a friend invited a good looking lady and introduced us. Fast forward to a few too many drinks, a few flirts, some conversation, and I got lucky. Started with a BJ in the bathroom then to the bedroom to finish. Partied for awhile and I suggested she better just spend the night. Been happily married for 12 years and have two kids.

domil

20. I have a gay friend who met his SO in Miami. He was on the 2nd floor balcony, naked, watching for guys. He caught the attention of a guy waiting for the bus. He was invited up and they sexed. The next morning he had to drive him home since he missed his bus.

They tell family the met at the grocery store.

twatchops

21. My girlfriend and I had been dating for a while, but we finally went serious at a Christmas dinner party. I had eaten a pork chop for lunch that had been incubating in my car for 6+ hours. I added some red wine to the mix at the party, then shook it up with my girlfriend for our first night together. The evening finished with me violently blowing purple pork chunks all over her porch.

Smellzlikefish

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