Curious People Share The Best Questions To Get To Know Someone
They say you never really know a person, but are there ways to learn as much as you can?
To help us all out, Reddit user ozmozez asked, "What are the best questions to ask to get to deeply know someone?"
Here are the best tips and tricks.
Getting to Know You
I do a couple questions regularly with my BFF. We used to do it over dinner every night when we were in college and actually saw each other. I honestly think they're things everyone should ask everyone they care about on a daily basis, and they're also good to just get to know people better. You can ask follow-up questions or not depending on how deep you want to get.
What's something you learned today/this week?
What's something that made you sad today?
What are you looking forward to the most right now?
What's something that made you laugh this week?
Instead of "what do you do?", I quite like "what gets you out of bed in the morning?"
I asked my now wife what her favorite childhood book was. The book she picked as her favorite is one I remember my mom and grandma both reading to me when I was a kid. I used it to propose to her only a couple weeks after meeting her. We've been married five years now and that was one question that really helped me get to know her on a deeper level. That book was "Love you forever" by Robert Munsch. The most memorable part went like this;
"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be."
The best questions to ask are questions about their answers. That's how you get to know someone deeper, by asking for elaboration, tangents, association - the things that reflect how their minds actually work. A list of questions is going to sound like an extended pick up line.
I remember hearing (possibly reading) that there are 4 questions to ask a person to see I'd you're compatible.
1: do you like horror movies
2: would travel to a foreign country alone
3: if you could would you run away and start all over again
4: I can't remember number 4 but I'd suggest asking if they like pizza coz if they don't the other three questions don't even natter
What are your three greatest passions?
People get excited when talking about what they're passionate about, and this reveals what they spend a lot of thought and time on.
You and a super intelligent snail both get 1 million dollars, and you both become immortal, however you die if the snail touches you. It always knows where you are and slowly crawls toward you. What's your plan?
Would you have sex with a clone of yourself?
Everyone I've asked so far has always gone on to explain why they would or wouldn't.
How Do You Feel?
Oh man, this is my bread and butter - it's simple and can apply to SO many situations, and can really escalate a conversation from surface to deep:
"What was / is that like for you?"
It's remarkably simple, but so incredibly effective. It's the movement from someone telling you about a thing that happened to them, to how they personally felt and responded to it - because that's not always a sure thing. It's the alley oop slam dunk off of any other question about their day. It's what goes beyond someone telling you they went to a funeral that day (and you extending your condolences) to finding out that they actually hated the guy and felt super awkward the whole time - or you find out that they loved the person dearly, but are very at peace with the idea of death - whatever it is, you get a Windex window into their mind and soul on things. Cannot recommend this little trick enough.
If you could send a fortune cookie back to your 18 year old self, what would it say?
Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time?
What would your best friend say is your worst quality?
"Where would you go during a zombie apocalypse?"
Their hopefully well thought out response will tell you all you need to know.
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
Ikea and Chill
Build furniture together. See how they act when they're irritated or tired. Do they give up or do they stick it out and finish the product? Obviously furniture isn't like a relationship, but it's good to see how they react to small things like figuring out how to built a difficult piece of furniture.
Sometimes all you need to know about a person is what they do in complete silence. Can you spend time together and not talk? Or does there always need a distraction?
Stay up late and just ask each other random questions. My favorite time to talk to others is when we're too tired to worry about what to say, so you just say exactly what's on your mind.
I find that you learn the most about a person when you aren't looking.
Genie in a Bottle
You are given three wishes by a genie, what do you wish for (no infinite wishes or loopholes). Really shows people's priorities.
What do you do when it rains? Where is you your favorite place to be? What songs do you listen to when you're sad? Where do you go when you feel afraid?
European or African?
What is your name?
What is your quest?
What is your favorite color?
What is the maximum airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, or so the saying goes.
The same can be said for your interactions with cops, most of whom are perfectly happy to let minor infractions slide––When was the last time you were actually ticketed for jaywalking?––provided you're not a total Karen should you interact them.
Your local police officer likely doesn't care about jaywalking or the fact that you went five miles over the speed limit unless you give him a reason to, as we learned when Redditor Takdel asked police officers: "What stupid law have you enforced just because someone was an a-hole?"