'Do Islands Float Like Boats?' People Vent About The Most Ridiculous Thing They Had To Explain To An Adult.
From explaining the difference between lunar and solar eclipse, to explaining the word "both" to a math teacher, people share the most ridiculous moment they had to explain something simple to an adult.
[Source can be found at the end of the article]
Back in college, my girlfriend said, "I don't understand how you can find me so sexy first thing in the morning."
I asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, whenever you wake up next to me, you're so... you know... down there..."
Apparently she had no idea what morning wood was, or that it had nothing to do with her.
I wasn't very successful but I attempted to explain this to him. Let me set the scene: on top of a mountain in Maui with a tour group watching the sunset and I hear the guy behind me telling his kids "the sun sets in the west so thats the Pacific ocean so that side over there is the Atlantic." I laugh and turn around and acknowledge his hilarious joke. He was not joking, to which I reply "you know this is all the Pacific ocean, 360 degrees around." He then rolled his eyes and kept talking to his kids. Poor things don't stand a chance.
I had to explain to someone on our flight that there wasn't another littler plane trailing us with our luggage when they looked out the window looking for said little plane.
I had a renter who was 19 and it was her first time living on her own. She didn't get that when you send a letter in the mail; you had to put stamps on the letter. It came back due to no postage...
I basically had to confirm to her that she had to do this. Her response; "It must be a Canadian thing because I never had to do that back home"... She is Canadian from Quebec but her parents sheltered her so much that she couldn't function on her own and thought Quebec and Canada were 2 different countries.
I was twenty years old, and covering the reception desk at a mid-sized law firm on maybe the 14th or 15th floor of a high-rise building. This attorney was apparently good at her job (from what I understood of her reputation; I didnt know her well), but this story often makes me wonder about smart and smart. On this day, as she exited the elevator on her return from lunch, she decided to voice what seemed to be a puzzle that stumped her for a very long time. I dont understand this building. Why is it, when I enter the elevator facing away from the lobby, I exit facing the lobby on the floor above? Its like the elevator turns around!
I stared at her for a few seconds, contemplating time, space, creation, and the giant salary differential between our two positions, before I spoke the last words Id ever say to her. Maam, you turn around to face the doors once you get into the elevator. Youre facing the lobby when the elevator starts to move.
She went out of her way to avoid me after that.
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How a loan works. Customers are sitting in my office trying to buy a vehicle and can't understand why their 120 payments of X add up to more than the cost of the vehicle. It took about an hour to get them through it. They had bought things before, cars, a house, and somehow in their mid-50s had no idea how interest worked.
I have repeatedly tried and failed to explain to my coworker to not eat rotting meat. But she will:
a) leave chicken out on the counter all day to defrost.
b) cook the chicken and then leave the cooked chicken out on the counter for a week and "pick at it" here and there.
She is out with food poisoning at least once a week. I've never met someone who throws up as much as her and wasn't bullemic. She will eat her breakfast at 4pm after it's sitting on her desk all day. Eggs with cheese and mayo that she picked up at 7 in the morning. Then she'll call in sick the next day. I have shown her Youtube videos of bacteria growing, sent her articles about the dangers of E.Coli. She won't listen. She ate potato salad that was sitting in a hot trunk for 24 hours. She said it was liquidy and tasted weird but she doesn't like how refrigerated foods taste. One day, when she is paralyzed from botulism, I guess I can say I told you so?
That contrary to her belief islands are in fact not floating like big rubber boats (she was asking how with the wind and currents the islands still maintained their position without roaming the Oceans like rocky Icebergs).
Had to explain to my MATHS teacher that you use 'both' when referring to 2 things. If she was talking about a hundred things she would say 'both of them' and wouldn't take no for an answer.
My boss hired an assistant for me from a strip club he had attended the previous weekend. He told her that she needed to pay attention to everything I did and then he would replace me with her. The things I had to explain/show her how to do; address an envelope, write a business email, read a contract before signing it, stay for the entirety of a client event, show up to work on time, not drink at work, not gossip at work, not have her boyfriend hang out at work all day, and more. Finally she became so upset at how much work my job entailed (and she hadn't touched the surface) that she quit.
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That if they eat a large quantity of fast food it's not unreasonable for them to feel full and bloated and that this doesn't constitute a medical complaint requiring a doctors review.
That "natural" medicines and supplements are not necessarily safe or healthy, especially in huge quantities. Rattlesnake venom is natural, anthrax is natural, E. Coli is natural, bubonic plague is natural…
I lived in Asia for a while. There were multiple people in both Asia and the US who thought that the Western and Eastern hemispheres experience opposite seasons (like the Northern and Southern hemispheres do). More than once, I've grabbed the nearest round object and started saying "Pretend this grapefruit is the earth and this lamp is the sun…"
I was flying to Australia and a girl I met in the airport asked me if I was worried about crossing the equator. I said "no why?"
And she said, "well the plane flips upside down aren't you concerned it will crash?"
I couldn't even begin to explain.
I used to hang out with one of my coworkers, many times while driving in the traffic, she turned on her car lights every time she had to abruptly push the brakes behind another driver. She is a kind person, so my first thought was that she was trying to be polite and never push the claxon, instead she was flashing her car lights to get the other driver attention. One day I noticed that she was flashing lights to almost every other driver that we encounter, when I asked her what she was doing, it happens to be that she did not know that tail lights turn on every time you push the breaks and she was trying turning them on by turning on the front lights. Yup, she is 27 years old.
The difference between a Solar and Lunar Eclipse... wait for it... They thought one was where the Sun passes between the Earth and the Moon. I still love my wife, but that one was a little sad to explain.
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There was a commercial that used to air about 15 years ago. It told this tale about a rugged man that was best friends with a bear. It talks about the strength of their friendship and their adventures together, until the long, hungry, winter. After that, it's just a story about a bear. My girlfriend at the time looked at me and said "I don't get it, where did the man go?"
I laughed at first because I thought she was making a joke, but she was serious. I said, "they faced a long, hungry, winter."
She looked at me and said, "so the man left to find food for them?
That if your app is free to download, offers no in-app products (extra functionality or levels or whatever), and you don't run any ads, your app will make $0 and you should not expect to receive any income for it.
To my boss: You can't make a color copy of a black and white document. You especially cannot make a color copy of a black and white document while using a copier that only has black toner.
He is 60 years old. He's worked in offices for the last 30 years.
I once had to explain to an adult woman that Pope Boniface III wasn't the first Pope. When I told her that the "III" in his title was a giveaway she didn't get why Boniface I and Boniface II couldn't have come after Boniface III.
I actually had to show her an analogue watch and bring in my box set of Rocky movies to show that Roman numerals still had number order, even though they weren't Hindu-Arabic numerals.
"Last month" isn't a free month of rent after 11 months into the lease.
Our landlord texted me May 1st to ask why roommate didn't send him rent, and when I group texted both roommates, they were angry that the landlord expected May's rent because "we paid first/last; May is already paid!"
Cue me having to explain to two 30 years olds that first/last covers your first month, and the last month you live there.
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Just last week we were talking at work about how early it has started getting dark lately and one of my co-workers said, Thats because daylight savings started earlier than normal this year. I then attempted to explain how that doesnt affect what time the sun sets each day, but she could not grasp the concept at all and I had to give up.
Just a couple weeks ago I had to explain to a co-worker that thunder is the sound of lightning. She walked away from the conversation angry about how stupid I was, looked it up, and apologized to me. Gotta give her credit there.
Also I work in a laboratory, this co-worker is college educated.
That if someone has a giant cold sore on their lip it's not a good idea to let them perform oral sex on you.
I actually wrote a note and held it up for her to read behind his back. "Herpes on mouth = herpes on twat"
She ended up grabbing her stomach and saying it uh oh I think I just started…
That human beings can be happy and sad—or any other two or more combinations of emotions—within the space of 24 hours without mental illness being responsible for that.
They were self-diagnosing as bipolar solely based on that, and when I pressed them further (as someone with bipolar disorder myself) they admitted they actually didn't fit any of the symptoms required for diagnosis. I know mental health awareness is still abysmal in some countries, but surely even children know that people's moods fluctuate naturally? I've had the exact same conversation with five people so far, so it makes me wonder how many more people think this way.
That having unprotected sex with seven or eight different men could mean she had a STD. She had no idea what they were or how she could catch them. She was mid 20s and was unsuccessfully trying for a baby with current partner. We told her to get checked.
She didn't know what antibiotics were either which wouldn't have been too shocking if she wasn't on a training course to be healthcare worker. She was hired at the end too and she was left to go off giving people meds.
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I had to explain to a 50 year old co-worker that the distance between the earth and the moon is NOT just 100 kilometers. "Whatever, then it's probably 110 kilometers ..."
Another one wanted to paint his living room and apparently did the math about how much paint he needed - he said he needed paint for about 15,000 square meters. Unfortunately some people told him about his mistake. Unfortunately because I really wanted to see him buy that quantity of paint.
I have two:
1) I worked in a pharmacy and had to explain to an elderly lady that the vaginal cream does not go in her mouth. It was kind of illegal for me to do it because I'm only a technician and only pharmacist are supposed to "give medical advice" but the pharmacists that was there was really really cute and she was already embarrassed about just getting the meds so I thought that it would be easier for me as the only girl in there at the time to take one for the team. The poor women had been using it for 4 months ... the wrong way.
2) My mother went to collage my Jr and Sr year of high school. She had a paper due the next day and had "broken" the floppy disk that she was using to transport it. By broken I mean the little silver protector popped off. So she super glued it back on than freaked out when it was not working.
After my car was stolen and never recovered I bought a new one. When I went to get a new plate the girl at the DMV told me just to transfer the old one. Cue the abbot and Costello act of me trying to explain the plate was still on the stolen car. It was never recovered either. She refused to grant me a plate because I still had one registered and it was fine that it was on a stolen car. It transfers. Took a second clerk to come over and help explain the situation.
Similar thing happened with removing the insurance from the stolen car. Didn't have theft insurance (it was a beater) so I just went in to cancel the policy because why pay for a car that was probably a burned out husk? Same act. Her: "But sir you cant make a claim you don't have theft insurance."
Me: "I know I just want to cancel the policy." Repeat in various ways for 10 minutes until she calls over manager because I'm being difficult. She smugly grins at me as I explain my situation to the manager and she says, "you see what I'm dealing with!"
He sighs does 3 clicks of the mouse and says, "Your policy has been cancelled have a nice day." I left to the sounds of her loudly arguing with him.
That Indians (from India) and Indigenous people ("Nati") aren't the same thing.
I went through the whole scenario with her, explaining how America was mistaken for India, thus the natives were dubbed Indians.
Her response was, and I quote, "You weren't there. You couldn't possibly know that." This was a grown woman in her 40s.
When you're a kid most adults will tell you one thing or another is "cool" and "fun." Odds are you're too young to form any kind of opinion on the matter one way or another. You're a kid, right? You don't know what you're eating for breakfast. However, when you get older and form that larger worldview, you realize that yeah, maybe that one time when you were a kid actually wasn't fun.
These are those stories.