Embarrassed People Share The Dumbest Way They Almost Got Themselves Killed.
There are things that you stay away from doing because you know it's inherently dangerous. However, sometimes it can be the dumbest, mundain thing that can cause some serious harm.
Here, embarrassed people share the dumbest way they almost got themselves killed.
1/29. Playing on the playground (as a 20-year old man, mind you) and climbing through various jungle gyms in unintended fashions (trying to see who could squeeze through the smallest hole). Squeeze my body through a rung on a ladder a few meters off the ground, manage to get my entire body out but my head stuck, entire weight of my body pulling me down and almost broke my neck (friends grabbed my butt and hosted me back up to avoid such a fate).
2/29. Falling off of Machu Picchu happened about 2 years ago. After three days of hiking through the Peruvian highlands and jungles we finally made it to Machu Picchu. The place itself was stunning. Not only are the ruins mind blowingly beautiful, what really made the place special for me is where it's built. You don't see this in the pictures you normally see, but the place is literally on top of a mountain, and as such you make one wrong step and you fall down, depending on the place where you fall this could be a free fall of a couple of hundreds of meters.
Anyway, I had been in Machu Picchu for about 5 hours so I was walking around casually with some friends. We had already seen most of the things there but we decided that we wanted to see the Sun Gate. So we went there, made some pics, and then decided to walk back. On our way back we had to walk over Inca Trails, which are really narrow, really slippery and kinda scary because on one side you have the a mountain and on the other side you have a cliff, like this . As I said, we had been in Machu Picchu for quite a long time so our concentration was dwindling. At the particular moment we were talking about our favorite actors. I was walking closest to the cliff side, and at one point I wasn't paying enough attention and I slipped. At this point I experienced the "OH CRAP!" moment. My heart stopped, I felt like I was falling down in slo-mo. I looked down and saw vegetation. But who knew? Maybe it was only the crowns of trees and I would just fall right through them, all the way down to a messy death.
Well, as you might have guessed since I am currently here, typing out this story, I survived. Turned out the vegetation actually made for a pretty comfy landing. I lay there, paralyzed, for a couple of seconds. Then I got over the shock, climbed back onto the trail and made damn sure I watched my step from then on.
The second one, about the guy trying to kill me, happened when I was around 8 or 9. I was in a swimming pool in my peaceful hometown of about 7.000 inhabitants. I was being the normal annoying kiddo in this swimming pool, running around, yelling, splashing, screaming, jumping, playing, etc. Apparently this one older guy (45ish?) just snapped. He grabbed me and proceeded to try and drown me. The lifeguard did what he is paid to do; save my life. I have no idea what happened to the man, nor do I have any recollection of the incident. My father told me the guy went to prison.
3/29. You know the knife struggles in movies (private Ryan etc)? When I was 13 me and a friend had the bright idea to see how difficult it really was to resist the attack. With a sharp butterfly knife. Against my chest. We were fucking idiots. I was like 2 inches from a Darwin award.
4/29. Traveled to Malaysia alone for spring break. Went to Kuching Borneo. Outside of town is a pretty remote national park called Bako. Rented a tent and decided to go on an 18km hike through the jungle to this beach, camp out, and turn back. But it got dark and I ran out of water, lost the path in a cane break. I almost fell off a cliff. There were monkeys following me, snakes, and all sorts of other creepies. Finally found the beach, dying of thirst. Found coconuts. Cracked them open. Next day I found the path, but it rained torrentially, so it took me two days to get back without any food. Kind of dumb on my part but one hell of a story.
5/29. Nearly died riding my bike down a street. Going down the hill, and it was a T at the bottom, locked the brakes and skidded around the corner. Next thing I know I'm heading straight for a moving car, it stops, I keep on the skids and miss it by an inch. Was a little hair raising.
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6/29. I was almost hit by an ambulance that went through some red lights. 10 year old me was not told they do not have to stop like regular cars.
7/29. During a trip up North, a mate came up with a stupid game called Tennis ball roulette.
You threw your tennis ball further into the Daly river than the last bloke and swam out to get it. Each person throws it a little further out until someones chickens out.
Or, as we found out, got attacked by a bull shark.
8/29. When I was a kid my grandpa left me alone on a motorcycle so I drove it through a barbed wire fence ad crashed into a tree.
9/29. "Let me go in the deep end without floaties."
"Ok, 5 minutes"
*Dad Dives in*
10/29. This happened at the end of 8th grade. My friends and I had decided to build a potato cannon to enter in our schools science fair. We planned it out, purchased the materials, and constructed one kick ass launcher that was capable to shooting through plywood.
Fast forward a few weeks, it's the night of the science fair. The potato cannon had not been function properly and I planned on fixing it prior to the fair.
Unbeknownst to me, my friends had come over and attempted to fire the canon. They filled it with hairspray, loaded it, but it would not fire. They placed it back in my garage and left (story continued on the next page...).
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I come home and begin to adjust the grill igniter and looked down the barrel to see if the spark was firing. After a few clicks...BOOM.
Im standing with my hands braced on my knees, blood is pouring out of my face. I begin to feel an immense amount of pressure on my left eye socket and forehead. I had just shot myself point blank in the face with a high-powered potato canon. I slowly bring my hands up to my face to assess the damage. At this point I cannot see anything out of my left eye. Another friend is standing next to me and is in complete shock.
We walked into my house and I calmly explained to my mother what had happened and to call 911. I walked into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My face was fine for the most part. However, my left eye was not. The launcher had managed to shoot the entire large russet potato into my eye socket. My eye looked as though someone had taken out my eye, replaced it with a baseball and attempted to pull my eyelids closed back around it. I peeled my eyelids apart and began to pick through the potato looking for what was left of my eye. I couldn't see it, only potato.
I began to feel faint and sat down on the couch and waited for the ambulance. A police officer arrived sooner and upon seeing my injury immediately radioed for a helicopter. I was really messed up. The ambulance crew arrived and I came walking out of my house and sat down on the stretcher. I began to lapse in and out of consciousness. The paramedics started and IV and the pain began to subside and I began to feel extremely loopy.
As I was being loaded in the helicopter I spotted a dark figure in a trench coat and fedora walking slowly towards me, his face obscured by a harsh backlight. I thought to myself; "I must be dying. This is god and he's coming to take my towards the light.'
It turns out it was the principal of my school coming to wish me well. The doctors in the emergency room performed an MRI and it just so happens that potato and your eyeball have the same density and they could not determine was what. They were able to remove all of the potato from my eye socket and actually managed to save my eye. The force of the impact and sent my eyeball through the bottom of my eye socket and into my cheek. Unfortunately, my retina had detached and I'm permanently blind in my left eye and my pupil is permanently dilated. I have a prosthetic iris and if you did not know this story you would be hard pressed to notice anything was wrong.
11/29. I wore flip-flops at the Grand Canyon. Don't wear flip-flops at the Grand Canyon.
12/29. Diving in Mexico, weight belt slipped off unexpectedly at about 30 m. I started to shoot to the surface, so I grabbed onto the anchor chain, which promptly broke. I managed to hang onto the anchored end, whilst the boat and chain drifted swiftly away. The strong currents meant I was soon to be separated from everybody else on the dive, but luckily somebody navigated back with the weight belt. The whole time this was happening there was a huge male sea lion watching me. Bro never even tried to help.
13/29. My boyfriend and I were on LSD, up in my room attempting sexytimes (but mostly just being ridiculous). At one point I get cold, so I drag us over right next to the space heater and throw a blanket over us... and the space heater.
Miracle we didn't burn the house down.
14/29. Appendix burst, thought it was just a flu with a weird stomachache. Waited two weeks to see a doctor.
Doctor said I wouldn't have lasted one more night, immediately met a specialist and went into surgery.
On the plus side they found I have an unnaturally high tolerance for pain (which will probably kill me for something similarly major down the road)!
15/29. I was maybe 9 years old, riding my bike down a hill like all kids do. I was going too fast and my feet slipped off the pedals. I looked down to try and get them back on and the next thing I know I'm on the ground writhing in agony; apparently I had hit a telephone pole (chest first somehow). I was rushed to the hospital, X-rays were done and I had no broken ribs, they were ready to send me home.
Except I was still in a serious amount of pain and my left arm was going numb. Doctors were convinced I was faking/making a mountain out of a molehill with some bruised ribs. Took nearly 8 hours for a new doctor to come in and decide to order some scan of some sort that I had somehow managed to cut open my spleen and the tip of my pancreas (I think? I don't remember too much from that time they ended up giving me metric tons of morphine). If they had sent me home I would have died more than likely. Instead they new doctor luckily believed me and ordered the scan.
So they sent me to a new hospital since they didn't have a specialist on hand and I spent the next few weeks drugged watching the surreal aftermath of 9/11. Pretty rough time for me but I got through it. People are still baffled how I managed to cut my spleen without breaking a rib. Running theory is that I hit the pole and bike wrapped around it, the handle bar jammed up into my stomach under my ribs. Ow.
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16/29. I'm a pretty large guy, around 6'4, at the time I weighed about 100 kg.
So anyway, I'm in the shower, showering. it's a pretty big shower, I could sit down in it with my legs stretched out. I'm using this new body wash which smelt great, I squirt some more on my loofah and try to put the bottle back on the soap rack, I end up dropping the bottle of shower gel and it just fucking popped. shower gel all over the floor. I mover ever so slightly and it's like I'm on oil or ice or oily ice.
It was like those videos of people slipping around on a frozen sidewalk. Except somehow my lower body ended up flying through the air towards my head and my head swiftly became acquainted with the tiled for of the shower, or so I discovered when I woke up.
17/29. Had a kidney infection, just thought I was sick, for three months. When I passed out talking to my sister she rushed me to the doctor. She drove my car, which I found odd when I came to because she couldn't drive a stick. She ran every red light. Was told if she had waited until the next day I would have died of kidney failure.
18/29. Half asleep. Toaster was stuck in the toaster. Used a knife to help.
My brother slapped it out of my hand as soon as he noticed.
19/29. Decided to open walnuts with a live shotgun shell.
20/29. Had braces while I was in school. One day we had a pizza party in one of my classes. A kid said something along the lines of "nobody can stuff a whole slice in their mouth!' well I did it...he wasn't even speaking to me. I just overheard and wanted to try it. The cheese hooked on to one of the brackets and so when I swallowed in lumped up in my throat and I couldn't breath. Fortunately I was able to spit it all back out.
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21/29. I almost drowned as a little kid on a field trip to some local pools. I didn't know how to swim and didn't realize you can't breathe underwater.
22/29. When I was a kid I truly believed I could fly. My parents had to constantly stop me from leaping off of things. I was not a smart kid...
23/29. Took LSD; thought I could outrun a passing car in a blizzard.
24/29. Sliding down the Swiss alps on a tea tray from the Cafe at the top of the mountain. I rolled off just in time to see the tray slide under the plastic 'safety' mesh and fly off the edge that I hadn't previously seen.
25/29. I jumped off of a dock at my dad's house on the lake, somehow wound up underneath the dock. Came up for air, smacked my nose into the underside of the dock. Couldn't find the air, had contacts in so I couldn't open my eyes. Broken nose, concussion, 2 black eyes, and I'm damn lucky there were no rusty nails poking down from that dock.
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26/29. At about 10 y/o I found a rope hanging from a 3 story high roof down to the ground. Though it was a 'tree'-swing (roof swing?) someone had crafted.
It wasn't. It was a rope tied to a large block of stone.
As I lifted my weight off the ground, the rock came over the lip of the roof, I closed my eyes as I thumped down onto the ground on my back, as I opened them I saw this massive boulder fall straight towards my head. Fortunately I had time to roll once or twice, as it landed where my head was and forced it's way into the soil.
27/29. I was at a foam party in Panama City on spring break. The dance floor was shoulder to shoulder PACKED, you could barely move at all. So I'm squeezed in like a sardine and all of a sudden foam starts pouring on me. Of course, I'm right under the massive tube that drops foam onto the floor. Gasping for air, I inhaled foam trying to breathe in. Things were getting really scary and I started freaking out. Finally went into hulk mode and smashed my way out from under the tube. I had to take an hour break after that to catch my breathe and recollect my thoughts. Scariest moment of my life.
28/29. I was young, attempting a back flip on my trampoline, attempted, landed square on my neck on the springs and metal outliner of the trampoline. Got up, stopped trying to do backflips.
29/29. I was trying to fix an extension board which was still plugged in. Friend was watching me as I was trying to fix a loose contact. Unscrewed and popped off the top, and got my fingers within 1-2cm of the live metal when my friend grabbed my hand and pulled it away firmly telling me it was still live. 230V AC. I could have died pretty easily, and also electrocuted him by touch.
Breaking up is hard to do.
And when you get the law involved, it's even worse. But sometimes people don't need the law's help to make things overcomplicated, they just have a grand ole time making that happen themselves.
People on the front lines of human cruelty include divorce lawyers. These are their stories.