Embarrassed People Share They Most Awkward Conversation They've Had With Their Parents.
We've all been there awkward parent encounters are a staple of growing up. Well here people share the most awkward encounters they've ever had with their parents. *CRINGE*
1/24. I had this girlfriend and we were super horny for each other. She had just recently gotten off her period and we were trying to sneak one in real quick. I left my boxers on just in case someone walked in on us. I went home and fell asleep. The next day I woke up and looked down at my boxers and noticed the whole front side was bloody! So I took them to my bathroom and soaked them in bleach water. Then I forgot about them. Trying to explain to my mom what happened was awkward to say the least. I told her I had a nose bleed in the middle of the night and grabbed the first thing I could find. She said, "you just happen to put your nose right in the crotch?". I fessed up and told her the truth.
2/24. When I graduated boot camp and got to my training school, I asked my dad to mail out some civilian clothes. So I was on the phone with him as he's going through my dresser, when suddenly he goes "Oh, uh... I think I found something rather personal."
I immediately knew he was referring to my giant pink vibrating dildo. I started apologizing profusely for not remembering where I put that and that he had to find his daughter's sex toy.
It got even worse when he said "So uh.. You want me to send it out?"
"No dad, please, please don't even touch it."
3/24. While watching a movie (can't remember what movie it was)with my Mom, Dad and my wife, the word blowjob is mentioned in the movie. My Mom turns to me and says...
"What's a blowjob?" I say that I'm not explaining what a blowjob is to my Mom. My Dad turns to her and says, "You know what a blowjob is, trust me."
4/24. When my dad showed me how to go down on a girl...
5/24. I was 14 years old. I had got back from a trip. I walked straight up the stairs to my room and I hear my mom scream,
"Get in here!"
I walked in to my parents room without the slightest idea of what was going on.
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"Guess what your nephew found on your Xbox while you were gone" she said.
"What did he find" I asked with a puzzled look on my face.
"A BUNCH OF PORN. YOU LITTLE F*CKING SICKO. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU!!! YOU KNOW GOD HATES THAT!!! HOW DARE YOU OPEN A DOOR TO THE ENEMY IN MYYYYYY HOUSE!!!!" She screamed.
"Mom what are you talking about mom I don't watch porn... I uh... It's not me it was a friend mom!"
I tried to come up with an excuse but I knew I was in deep sh*t.
The rest of the conversation was extremely awkward so I'll save you guys from the cringe. She basically asked a bunch of questions like why I'm in to porn, if I look at girls butts and boobs in public and bunch of other stuff like that.
I never felt my heart sink into my stomach like it did that day. She ended up buying me some bullsh*t religious book about masturbation and made me read it with her every night.
I'm glad my mom put me through that so I know how not to treat my kids in the future. All in all it was a pretty sh*tty time but the book had some good things in it about how to treat a lady in public and common etiquette that I use today. I just wish my dad would've dealt with this situation because it would have been less weird father to son.
6/24. Oh man..Had to be when I told them my girlfriend was pregnant. I challenged my old man to a game of chess like in the old days and broke it to him during. Was 19, he didn't seem super excited.
7/24. My dad yelled for me to see a news program about my high school principal getting caught in a police sting for soliciting sex in a park bathroom. He thought it was hilarious. After the news segment, he said, "What do gay people even do for sex? Stare at each other's wieners?"
And then I left, because I wasn't going to explain gay sex to my dad.
8/24. The conversation where they made it perfectly clear they were aware that my upcoming sleep over at a "friend"s house would include me having sex with him, and warning me to be careful. I obviously looked a bit blas about it and my dad got annoyed and told me about the trouble my aunt had got into at a party when she was a teenager, and the consequences.
And that's how I learned I've got a cousin out there somewhere who was put up for adoption.
9/24. I was by my dad, who was reading a Palahniuk book. He turns to me and asks...
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"What's a gloryhole?"
10/. At about 14 or 15, my mom decides she didn't like the fact that I was Jerkin off to porn online (I never told her, but she did my laundry, so I'm sure she could tell from the crusty socks).
She thought that porn was unrealistic and disgraceful to women, so she questioned me about my porn habits. Questions like "How often do you masturbate?" "What do you masturbate to?" and I gave her a bunch of canned answers that I'm sure any teenager would give. "A couple times a week, I don't know, normal porn?"
She told me that she would buy me a playboy magazine if I promised I wouldn't use my computer to watch porn anymore. Being the obviously extremely awkward conversation it was, I just went along with it and we drove to various different stores and gas stations looking for pornos. This was only about 4 years ago, mind you. No place we visited had them, and every awkward conversation with cashiers got her more irritated.
We visited Meijer, a liquor store, Speedway, etc. By the time we're at the liquor store, which was like the 4th place we drove to, we were in and out so quick it weirded out the owner, who came out to question why the hell my mom was rushing in and out of a liquor store so fast without buying anything and had a teenager following her around. Awkward conversation about porn mags ensues.
We find out that the...
Barnes and nobles likely has them, so we drive there and go in, can't find the playboy section, and my mom asks the girl at the counter about them. She has them behind the counter. My mom let's me decide which one to choose of the three that were laid out on the counter in front of me, based off the lewd cover pictures of the magazines, in front of her and the cashier, and a few onlooking people in the place.
I awkwardly and embarrassingly choose one by pointing to it that had a girl in thin black underwear laying on an expensive bed sheet and looking seductive.
We were silent the whole way home, and the rest of the day and the next few weeks were rather awkward, and we didn't talk much.
11/24. When I told my parents that I don't care if they like my wife, they'd dang well better respect her, and if they had a problem with that then they can invite themselves out of my and my children's lives.
That was 3 or 4 years ago. Things are still a bit awkward.
12/24. I left my phone unlocked, my dad saw a bunch of sexts I'd been sending.
13/24. "What are these dildos doing in your drawer?"
14/24. After I told my parents I had a girlfriend. They panicked and asked me if...
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I had already have sex with her (I was 19 at the time). Followed up by an awkward conversation about sex and STD's.
15/24. So I feel like it's practically cheating for this question, but I'm going to tell the story of me and my siblings playing Cards Against Humanity with our mom. It was generally going pretty well because my mom's pretty chill, and she often played the most shocking card of the round which was entertaining.
So then it's my turn to read the black card, and it's "Instead of coal, this year Santa gave the naughty children..." And the winning card by a mile is "a salty surprise", which it turns out was once again my mother's submission. We're cracking up, mainly because we're so shocked at her dark humour, but then...
Mom: I don't get why it's so funny?
Me: But...you submitted it! Did you just think it meant like pretzels and stuff?
Mom: Well, yeah, I didn't think it was very good. Why are you laughing? What does it mean?
Awkward glances between me and my siblings trying to decide which of us has to explain.
Me: So you know how like...when you...when someone (gives up)
My brother: ...
My sister: When someone's giving a blow job.
My mom: ...
My sister: The result is... salty. Allegedly.
My mom: (completely unfazed) Oh! Is it?
Me and my brother: (laughing, a little relieved that our mother doesn't know such things) Yes!
Mom: OH! Really?
(COMPLETELY UNNECESSARILY) Your dad's isn't!
Me, brother, sister: MOM!!
Mom: (Still completely unfazed) Well you can only go on your own experiences, can't you! \()/
Me, brother, sister: YES MOM OK WE GET IT.
So yeah, that was probably the most awkward. Although it did make life easier when we later had to explain 'bukkake' and my sister defined it as "lots of salty surprises".
16/24. My parents gave me the sex talk in the car, with a pop up book.
17/24. My mom found the porn I thought I had hidden in a secret folder on my computer (turns out there is no thing as a "secret" folder). But instead of getting mad at me, she simply told me masturbation was normal, but that I should be aware that women in porn are not always there on their own free will, and that some of these women were being exploited. Then she taught me the importance of consent.
I was still embarrassed at the time, but now I'm super thankful for the way my mom reacted!
18/24. In high school my room was a floor above my dads. He worked shifts, and they regularly changed, so it wasn't uncommon for him to be asleep at 7 PM. One day my gf came over, and we proceeded to have sex. I was close to finishing so I stopped, and spent some time going down on her, before
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resuming sex for a good while longer. Turns out my dad was woken up by the creaking. The next day he had a conversation with me about how he was embarrassed for me for a second when the creaking stopped so soon, then seemed quite proud that it resumed and went for awhile. Then chastised me for waking him up.
19/24. My mum thought my bong was for crack - I had to "demonstrate" otherwise!
20/24. When I came out as gay.
We were all in the living room watching tv and looking at various electronic devices (phones, laptops, tablets, etc). I had already decided that it was time to come out but I really wanted to avoid the whole "Mom, Dad, I need to tell you something..." thing because I felt that that would be kind of awkward. So I was waiting for an opportunity to segue into it.
I had a laptop on my lap and my mom said "Put a pillow under that, I want to have grandkids someday." So I seized the opportunity and said "It's ok, it won't matter anyway. I'm gay". She and my sister both looked up from their computers and were like...
I repeated it, and she nudges my dad and said "Dear, he said he's gay." He looked up and shrugged, and then said "Oh. Ok." My sister smiled and said "I always wanted a gay brother!" and I responded "...You've always had one, I'm not suddenly going to go shoe shopping with you."
My mom then kept asking "...really?" until my dad said "He said he was, stop asking him."
Just an awkward night all around, but I'm glad I did it. 4 years later I have an awesome boyfriend and I've never been happier.
21/24. My mom once borrowed my phone when hers was being fixed. I was 15 at the time and she read the whole text convo between...
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me and my current girlfriend talking about how we had sex multiple times.
On her bed.
22/24. "Mom, we need to get you checked for dementia."
23/24. Not a conversation but watching the "Wolf of Wall Street" with my mom was pretty awkward.
24/24. I'm the parent but my son might answer this with the time we had a discussion about not wiping jizz on the back of my couch and don't try to tell me its glaze from donuts you were eating without a napkin. Having your mom tell you she has seen enough spooge in her day to know what she is looking at has to be awkward as f*ck. But seriously, wipe that sh*t on my couch again and I will end you.
When you're a kid most adults will tell you one thing or another is "cool" and "fun." Odds are you're too young to form any kind of opinion on the matter one way or another. You're a kid, right? You don't know what you're eating for breakfast. However, when you get older and form that larger worldview, you realize that yeah, maybe that one time when you were a kid actually wasn't fun.
These are those stories.