Employees Share The Most Absurd Thing They've Caught Someone Doing While At Work
Sometimes the weirdness meter just needs to get turned up to 11. Here, people share the most insane thing they've caught someone doing while at work.
1. "I avenge myself"
I once saw an old bloke slowly walk near a tree, have his hat pushed off by one of the low hanging branches, then proceed to, slowly, pick up the hat, declare "I avenge myself" in a neutral tone, and then break a twig off the tree before slowly walking off.
2. Seems legit
At my old job, I once walked in on my manager thoroughly engrossed in making a herd of balloon animals while drinking a beer at 10am. I work in pharmaceutical marketing. Some of the balloon animals were pretty cool, he gave me a dachshund shaped one.
3. "I have a pretty good poker face."
I used to deliver pizzas to a brothel.
They would order 2-3 times a week, usually a small pizza and maybe some salads. Very nice people.
Usually, someone would be in the office wearing lingerie or something. But sometimes, they'd be... working...or recently finished working, so they would be in various states of undress.
Every single time, I would treat them EXACTLY like I did anyone else:
Me: "Hello, I see you ordered 2 small pepperonis and a diet coke, is that correct?"
Customer: (while putting clothes back on) "Uh... yeah."
Me: "Alright, your total will be $13.52."
*hands over stack of dollar bills including a tip
"Alright, thanks for your business, and have a nice day!"
I have a pretty good poker face.
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4. Probably not the best hiding place
This didn't happen to me but my colleague. So the bathroom of our workplace was structured like an actual home bathroom--it had a sink with a mirror over it, and dividing the room was the curtain which contained the shower area, but was simply used as a storage area for cleaning supplies. Usually the curtain was pulled all the way to the end so all the cleaning materials wouldn't be in clear view when you enter it.
So one time my colleague did her deed when she was done, flushed the toilet, and proceeded to the sink to wash her hands, but when she looked in the mirror, she was HORRIFIED when she saw someone else's reflection from behind the curtain--it was our workplace's new cleaning lady! It turns out, cleaning lady was hiding behind the curtain since she was texting on her phone...but she didn't leave when she heard someone enter and probably hoped no one noticed she was there.
Because of this I made it a habit to check if there's someone hiding behind the curtains before I use the bathroom.
Was working at a wedding reception and was replacing the soap in the women's toilets and walked in on the groom having sex with the maid of honour
I used to work in retail and I did a rotational evening shift with this weird dude. He was about 50 ish, fairly mild mannered, didn't make too much fuss, friendly etc. One day I didn't clock in until 20 minutes after I was supposed to start due to a car accident blocking my route to work.
Normally I greet him at the warehouse door as he has to let me in, but he must of assumed I wasn't coming. Because I spotted him in the dark corner by the generator, with a small spotlight on the shelf behind him. He had a pile of broken stuff returned by customers and was looking over it. I pressed the doorbell and he hurriedly put it all away and came jogging over.
I asked him about it and he denied it at first, but I said I saw it and he relented. He liked to fix things and take them home, some he gave to charity, some he gave to his grandkids, some he gave to his wife. The dude was prolific. He had hidden a compartment in a shelf and padlocked it, it was behind panel in the internal wall behind the generator. For about an hour I watched him take apart an electronic 9v drill, find the fault and put it all back together again. (Continued on next page)...
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(Continued)... From that moment on, neither of us did much work in the warehouse. To be fair, he confessed that he enjoyed the night shifts because all the day shift had done most of the work. He would spend the first hour or so tidying up and finishing off the day shifts job and then he would go out of sight of the cctv cameras and just fix things, because he loved doing it. Occasionally one of us would do a "lap" to show the cameras we were working. Our job was to cross check and catalogue what the day shift had moved out of the warehouse against what was sold, so they could always maximize warehouse space. It was dull, boring but easy work. I hope that dude is OK and I do think about him from time to time.
7. Oh, dick
We had a new, female receptionist. The owner, named Richard but goes by Dick, came in and was meeting with her. One of the other female employees walked up and gave Dick a hug. He then turned to the new receptionist and said "if you want to move up in this company, you gotta love dick."
My boss was lying on the floor with a crystal carefully balanced on his forehead. We worked in construction.
9. Back to work
Not sure if this counts, but in my old office, the windows along one side of the building overlooked a block of apartments. We often saw people hanging out on their balconies, drinking coffee or putting their laundry out or whatever.
Then there was the fateful day we all downed tools and went to stand at the window en masse, staring open mouthed at the stark naked couple having lengthy and vigorous sex, in a variety of positions, right on the balcony opposite. Even our boss was only making the most half-hearted of motions to get us to go and get back to work.
That was an interesting day.
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10. Well then
Someone pleasuring themselves to an old school work-out video at 11 am. I work in a hospital
11. "Passed out mid romantic tryst"
Worked at a gross pizza shop in a college town that was open until 3 am to get all the drunks. One night after a particularly heinous group of kids came in we closed shop and cleaned up. I was checking the bathroom and realized it was locked from the inside so I knock like crazy but no one answers. I pop the lock with my pocket knife and come in to find two drunken male students passed out mid romantic tryst. One guy is passed out cold on the crapper with another guy's face in his naked lap. Wake them up and send them away.
12. "Not strangest thing so much as strangest person"
He's like Dwight Schrute. Lets call him Mark.
Mark wears shorts to work with sandals and socks, every day. They are always the same. He also wears the same raggedy hole filled t shirt.
Mark has a 'file' on everyone he works with. This is a well known fact and he will openly admit he has 'files' on everyone.
Mark regularly brings drinks in that look like alcohol. They aren't alcohol he is just waiting for someone unsuspecting to accuse him of bringing in alcohol so he can report them for bullying.
Mark has reported 10 people I know of for bullying. No action has been taken against any of them. (Continued on next page)...
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(Continued)... Mark uses the printer almost constantly. I have no idea what he prints but he prints easily over 100 pages a day and spends his breaks with these sheets and a highlighter. His job gives him very little cause to legitimately use the printer.
Mark spends A LOT of time in the canteen, if you go in while he is there you will most likely be cornered and get a lecture about whatever is grinding his gears at that current moment.
Mark has an issue with every single initiative the department tries to implement.
Mark has the loudest most obnoxious ringtone i've ever heard, his phone rings about 10 times a day and he takes an exceptionally long time to answer it.
Mark's desk is a catastrophe, it honestly looks like a hoarders house, I have no idea how no one has complained.
We work for the government, Mark is essentially immune to being fired.
13. Scumbag indeed...
Some scumbag on my shift punched his wife in the parking lot, while everyone was out there on break. Quite a surreal moment that all of us couldn't believe happened. The delay of reaction felt like forever since we were just in awe.
He was arrested and fired. But yeah, that was...something.
14. Wait... what??
OH MY GOD. Lemme tell you bout the men's room at the office I work at. I have seen the strangest things in there and continue to see new and stranger things every week. I don't have much time before I need to leave for work actually, so I'll just share one of them for now.
This was the first weird thing I saw in the men's room. I come out of the stall and head over to the long row of sinks to wash my hands. Standing at one of the sinks is a mid 20's, light skinned latino man in a nice suit. Beside him is a hefty bag full of ice cubes. The small kind, like you'd get from an automatic ice vending thingee. And what he's doing is reaching both hands into the bag, coming up with handfuls of ice, and holding them under the automatic sensor that turns the sink on. He stands there like this for about 10 seconds while it melts the ice, then repeats the process. He sees me see him doing this, looks over at me, and does that "Eh, work, right? wha'reyagonnado?" kinda shrug and continues on with his appointed work.
15. "I... I don't know"
Someone caught me: I was walking to my car for lunch, I was gonna have hotdogs, so I was singing the theme to Catdog (a old Nickelodeon cartoon) but with the word "hotdogs" instead of Catdog, and kind of in the style of a smarmy lounge singer. An older lady I work with got out of her car right as I was passing and asked "What are you singing?"
My mind went blank, I honestly couldn't think of anyway to explain it to her, it's not like she would have watched Catdog. I just said "I... I don't know," got in my car and left.
16. "Hail, Mary!"
An older homeless man would hide in the church (under one of the 1,300 pews) just before closing time and spend the night there.
He'd get into the communion wine and sleep on a pew cushion, even in the midst of my practicing the organ at night. If the sexton came by and tried to rouse him, the guy would yell a resounding, "Hail, Mary!" and go soundly back to sleep.
I just let him be - a warm place to sleep on cold winter nights, with a men's room near the front door. He did no harm.
When I was working in a butchery I was cleaning the food display. Like the food displays you see in a supermarket (no glass in front of the display). So it took me roughly 2-3 hours to clean that son of a bitch. When I was finally done and ready to go home a drunk homeless guy waddles inside the store.
I think nothing off it (and go to the back of the store) because unfortunately it wasn't the first time and my supervisor always takes care of the problem, but not this time!
This guy bends over to look at some of the meat and just falls over into the food display. Face first! But instead of "climbing" out of the food display he decides to lay down and just chill.
Imagine my surprise when I walked back to the food display to close everything and I see a homeless guy just chilling INSIDE the food display.
Had to throw away all the meat and had to clean the WHOLE food display again. FML
18. "That was strange..."
Told this before, but when I worked at a big supermarket a man in his 50's pulled down his pants and started pooping in a bookshelf of children's books. That was strange...
Those of us who live in New York live this truth on a daily basis.
Sometimes, you just meet a person who isn't quite all there. It's hard to tell at first, but then you talk with them for a little while and it just becomes abundantly clear if they're two eggs short of an omelette.
The stories of how you find out are so interesting. But yet, they teach us to look for clues when we interact with others.